Original post: \[ https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/6FnfGO3wgV \](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/6FnfGO3wgV)
Thank you all for the feedback. I was beginning to feel like I was going crazy and it was comforting to see people having a similar reaction to my own. Many of you told me that this girl is not a true friend and I’ve reached a point where I agree.
After asking for time to think before meeting up we finally did… in the time between me telling her about my new place and me moving in she found a new apartment that is two blocks away from my new street.
She told me she felt invalidated and uncared for because I didn’t sit down and have a conversation with her in person when I initially decided to tour the apartment. That I am reactivating her trauma, that I am being a surface level friend, etc …
I told her I felt very disappointed by her unwillingness to show me any grace or understanding given the fact that I am drowning in grief, and that I’m not sure that I’m in a place right now where I can still be friends with her. She said she felt very blindsided and that she expected the conversation to go differently. I do feel badly and it breaks my heart but at the same time I truly don’t know how to continue with this friendship after how she has treated me & after some of the things she has said to me.
Did she… expect an apology?? 😂
Pretty sure, yeah.
Yes! And I got the sense she did not plan on apologizing for anything herself until I made it clear that this was something that would end our friendship.
Some time away is probably best for both of you. Here’s the thing, you are both grieving a loss. Most therapists will tell you that when a woman gets divorced or ends a serious relationship you grieve just as if it’s a death, because it’s the death of a relationship, of your hopes, dreams, your future. So just like how you are going to have a difficult time passing by your old house where you grew up, your mom’s grave, or the spots in town where you have fond memories of your mom, you friend is going to be going through the same thing. You both need to give each other a little grace and time to heal, (therapy does wonders). Often people will act out in anger and selfishness at these times too, not that that is ok, and you don’t have to put up with it by any means, but like I said, going to grief counseling will do her some good so she can handle it better and sort through her feelings. Good luck and I’m very sorry for your loss. NTA BTW
Girl BYE and good riddance. Glad you dropped her like your getting an apartment constitutes a whole conversation about where you get it.
I’d ask her what the trauma radius is? Is it that floor of the building? The whole building? Street? Neighbourhood?
It’s obviously not two blocks.
You’ve had a serious loss, your mom. I get she’s going through something, but that’s just weird. Cut your losses, block her. Don’t let anyone dictate your life. Adulting can be hard & sometimes we have to make hard choices. This isn’t one. Hang in there! 🙏