I (23) live alone in a small apartment. Last week, my cousin Mara (26) needed a place to crash after her roommate moved out. She said it would only be for a few days, so I agreed.
Everything was fine at first. She helped with groceries and tidying up, then things started changing. After four days, I noticed she was rearranging my things. Not just cleaning, *moving* things. My bathroom cabinet, my spice rack, even the books on my shelf. I didn’t mind too much at first, but yesterday when I came back home from work, I walked into my entire living room being changed around. She’d moved my couch, my desk, even put some of my decorations away because she thought they made the space look too cluttered.
She seemed so proud of it, like she had done me a big favor. I tried to stay calm and just said, Oh, you moved stuff around, and she immediately got defensive, saying she thought I’d appreciate her helping me make the place look more put together.
I told her I actually preferred things the way they were and that I would’ve appreciated it if she’d asked first. Now she’s been quiet and petty, staying in her room with the door half shut. I’ve spent the evening putting my place back together because it doesn’t even feel like my apartment anymore.
I’m wondering if I overreacted. I get that she’s under stress, but it’s my space. Is it unreasonable to expect someone to respect that? Or am I just being too sensitive?
NTA. It’s your apartment, not hers.
Ask for when she’s moving out.
Waiting for her to finish acting up to tell her that
Don’t wait. As long as she is pissed, give her something to be pissed off about. Rip off the band aid.
Giving her 3 days notice
Don’t wait. Let her know that her current snit fit makes it obvious you made a mistake for you to let her stay with you. That way, you’ll make it her fault she’s being told to leave. If she tries to pump the brakes, insist that moving soon is the best for your relationship. And if she tells you she’s going to be on the streets, it’s proof that she’s trying to stay longer than you want her to be there.
“But I need somewhere to stay!”
“I tried to help, but it’s obvious you’re uncomfortable with how I like MY apartment. I already arranged my space the way I want it. You shouldn’t stay here because our energies conflict with each other. you were never going to be here for long, so it should be no problem for you.”
Ask? Tell her she is moving out next Friday and if she touches anything else of yours it will be sooner. NTA
NTA. I would also check corners in case she peed to mark your home as hers.
NTA. She’s not a tenant or roommate; she is a *guest*. She has no business reordering your apartment. The only thing she should be doing now is thanking you for your hospitality, cleaning up after herself, and resolving her own living situation ASAP.
NTA
She’s angling to move in permanently. You should start helping her out the door now.
NTA. Wow she is really making herself at home in a home that’s not hers. Time for her to leave. If she is acting like this after a few days what is she going to be like after a few weeks?
This is not the behavior of someone who is going to leave in a couple of weeks.
If you haven’t already I suggest you check the tenancy laws in your city.
She’s trying to get you to let her stay. She isn’t planning on going anywhere. You better help her see her way to the door. This is going to end badly NTA
She is not planning to leave after a couple of days.
It’s time to make it clear that she has outstayed her welcome and ask what her plans are now. Because I suspect you are the plan.
You are NTA – this is enormously disrespectful behaviour from a GUEST.
Best to ask when she’ll stop moving your stuff and start moving her stuff to a new place.
NTA
NTA.
You are not being too sensitive, and you did not overreact.
It is unbelievably rude for a guest to rearrange things without asking permission.
Quite frankly, even if they DID ask permission, I imagine the response from most hosts would be “No, thanks. I like things the way they are.”
Perhaps a very few hosts would fall upon the guest with relief and say “Oh, COULD you? I’ve been meaning to tidy that cabinet for ages, but I never get around to it.” But I don’t think they’d be in the majority. I certainly wouldn’t. I really dislike people pawing through my stuff.
Mara said she would only need to crash “for a few days”, but this conflict began after she had already been there four days. Her “few days” are up. Even if she hadn’t started rearranging things, she had already worn out her welcome.
Show her the door.