Alright for context I haven’t known this woman for long. She started at my workplace towards the end of last year and I’ve only had to work in close proximity to her for the last 4 or so weeks.
This coworker of mine LOVES to talk about herself. Shes in her early 40s and has 3 kids. The problem is though, she talks about her kids in excess to the point I lowkey snapped at her. I saw someone on another sub call this “mommy-jacking”, but basically everytime she talks to you she ALWAYS ends up making the conversation about her kids. I’m a very tolerant person, however having to have conversations almost every day multiple times a day about her kids was driving me fucking insane. I’m happy that she’s happy being a mum, but lately she has been putting this weird pressure on me (24f) to have kids. She constantly says weird shit like “oh by your age I already had two kids I don’t know why you haven’t had one yet” “motherhood is amazing you should just start having kids now before you get too old and grumpy”. I’ve reiterated to her about a hundred times that I don’t want kids til I’m at least in my late 20s/early 30s but she doesn’t seem to care at all.
The other day she was boasting about her daughter’s dance recital for HOURS, like somehow all small talk ended up being about her daughter. And I finally snapped. I just said to her “I’m sorry but I really can’t relate to any of this parent talk anymore” and sorta walked off. It was making me so pissed off I don’t know why, I think it’s just so rude when people yap about themselves constantly and never ask you how YOUR day is going??
Anyway she hasn’t really talked to me since then, can’t say I’m overly bothered but I’ve had other people in the workplace tell me that they’re sick of it as well so I think I did the right thing but I’m not sure. I’d never want to hurt someone’s feelings or make it seem like I don’t care, but having to have the same conversation over and over is so draining! Was I too harsh??
Edit sorry that title is misleading I can’t edit it I just wasn’t sure how to make it not too long 😢
NTA. How does she have time to talk for hours each day about her boring personal life? Doesn’t she have work to do or is she just paid to keep the water cooler company?
Well this is the thing. She is also lazy af. I have adhd and actually cannot focus when someone is talking to me and she talks ALL DAY. Think I just got overstimulated and couldn’t listen to it anymore
I vote NTA – people like that are exhausting and can’t read social clues. Why is she walking for hours and not working??!
NTA – It doesn’t sound like you snapped you just were blunt and told her you can’t relate to her. It’s fine to wanna talk about your kids accomplishments or whatever but when that’s the only thing you have to talk about it gets old quick, especially for people who can’t relate. Whenever I’ve had people talk to me about having kids I always say “kids, in this economy? Yeah no”.
Your title is misleading. You did not tell her you do not care about her kids – you told her you were sorry but you can’t relate to parent talk – and you told her this after she started pressuring you to have kids. It was not rude at all. NTA.
NTA and you got the perfect result she doesn’t talk to you anymore.
As to hurting someone else’s feelings you’re not in charge of their feelings – you’re only in charge of your own feelings.
Take the win.
Yeah the problem is she’s telling people that I made a “hurtful” comment haha
Tell them she’s criticising your reproductive choices at work.
I’m in my 40s and don’t have kids, I hate people this. I’m all about my dogs, but am fully aware no one else cares so I don’t talk about them unless asked. But people like this, everytime they shove their kids in my face, I shove my pups in theirs until they get the point.
NTA. You gave her a wake-up call. People need to remember that if they’re talking, someone else has to be listening, and some people have limited tolerance for hearing about certain topics. I never had kids and I have no interest in hearing about anyone else’s kids. That’s just not a topic around which I can relate to other adults, unless the parent is a close friend of mine and all their relationships matter to me because the friend matters to me.
She’ll get over her momentary embarrassment. And if she doesn’t, at least you won’t have to hear about her kids anymore.
“I don’t know why you don’t have kids yet!”
“Well, it’s actually pretty unusual to have multiple kids that young, especially in this economy. Most of the people who do that either do it for religious reasons, or because they got pregnant on accident and couldn’t access an abortion, neither of which applies to my situation. If and when I ever have children, it will be because I feel emotionally and financially ready; it’s not a decision I’m going to rush into for a trivial, immature reason like peer pressure. That would be a real disservice to those potential kids.”
NTA. I’m a parent and had my kids young, and there was definitely a period of my life when I had nothing else to talk about because they were consuming all my time and energy, but I still wasn’t trying to drag everyone else kicking and screaming into mommydom. The fact that she isn’t just talking about HER experiences but trying to foist kids on YOU makes her the asshole.
NTA. You told her the truth without being mean.
Your other coworkers are so envious that she’s not talking to you anymore, I assure you.
NTA. I once had a co-worker like that and after months of this I said, “If you have so much time to talk about your kids for hours a day you either don’t have enough to do or you’re not doing enough. Which is it?” She stood there for a moment with her mouth open and closing like a fish, and walked away in a huff. Problem solved.