I’m feeling pretty heated right now and need some perspective.
My friend’s daughter is turning one today. A few weeks ago, my friend asked if I could make truffles for the party. I agreed, and she mentioned she would reimburse me for the ingredients. However, because truffles are expensive to make and incredibly labor-intensive, I decided I would just gift them as the birthday present instead of asking for money.
I spent all day yesterday in the kitchen making these. I had to wake up super early this morning to finish the final touches and get ready for the 9 AM start time listed on the invitation.
I showed up at 9 AM sharp, truffles in hand, and the place was empty. I double-checked the invite and it definitely said 9 AM. I called my friend, and she casually told me that the time had been changed to the afternoon. She admitted she "forgot" to tell me, and apparently, I was the only guest who wasn’t notified.
After working so hard yesterday and sacrificing my Saturday morning sleep, I was (and am) pissed. I havent told her if ai can make it in the afternoon yet
WIBTA if I charge her the full amount for the ingredients and my time since I might no longer be attending and these were meant to be the “gift” or refuse to go to the afternoon session because I’ve already wasted my morning and now I "have other plans" (which is mostly just being too annoyed to celebrate)?
EDIT: I did not tell her I would gift her the truffles, I had just decided that myself
EDIT: A lot of people are asking for more context so here it goes. We moved to a new city last year so I’ve been trying hard to make new friends and I’ve been hanging out with this friend and some of her friends, but I’m not “in” their little group yet. I’m a very helpful person in general and have a lot of party planning experience, so I actually helped her decide many aspects of the party, like how much food, what types of food, how many drinks, etc.
We were exchanging info back and forth about this party constantly and I even lent her a bunch of my own decor stuff to use for the cake table. Also, she specifically chose 9 am because that’s when her daughter is most alert and happiest, so this was supposed to be a brunch type birthday party. Given how much we talked about the details and the fact that she has my decor, I really don’t feel like this was an easy thing to "forget."
This is your chance to be the bigger person honestly.
it’s not like you showed up at 4 and were told the party was from 2-3, or changed to the day before.
Give her the damn truffles, go to the party even if it’s only for 15 minutes and don’t be spiteful. and don’t send her a bill. that’s a real AH move.
if you want to end the friendship over this just ghost her after, fine. don’t be mean on her baby”s first birthday.
are you a parent? if you are you know damn well that the first year is tough.
I am a parent and only one guest not being notified seems intentional. It’s incredibly hard to forget to update the person you asked to do something for you even in the midst of first year confusion.
I was a very disorganized person during the first year of life for both my kids and no one I actually wanted at birthday parties was forgotten even with all the back and forth about location and times. A few people being forgotten would be understandable but only one and the person you asked for an expensive favor? No.
I can very easily see how a mom of a one year old could forget to text an individual person about a time change. She’s stressed, tired, and probably just texted a group chat for the time change and thought everything was fine. OP admitted she’s not in the “friend group” that’s invited to the party so this isn’t a hard leap.
What? One guest not being notified seems *accidental*, not intentional- this woman was probably so busy with planning that she assumed she must have told OP because it’s such an obvious thing someone would do. Sometimes we miss the most obvious thing.
Exactly. She’s also been talking to OP so much about the party that it seems reasonable that she thought she told her.
Not just *one person* but the one person who helped plan everything and was asked a big favor to make truffles. It just feels off.
I’d agree with you if she had said something like ‘Omg! You didn’t know? I’m so so sorry, it’s been so hectic. I could have sworn I let you know’ as opposed to ‘Oh yeah, I changed the time.’ That’s just rude. Having a kid is not a get-out-of-basic-consideration card.
However– I think it depends on the overall relationship. Was this a one off or a pattern? I wouldn’t nuke the friendship unless it’s the straw. Op, you’re understandably cheesed off, so drop the truffles off, say you can’t make it in the afternoon, and if the friendship’s worth it have a talk with your friend once you’ve cooled down
If you don’t want to go, then tell her you had plans and can’t make it. It’s a birthday party for a 1 year old so I don’t think an adult not being able to make it after a last minute change is a big deal. However, if you charge her for the truffles, you’re probably ending the friendship.
NTA. If it was me I would simply say that you had already made plans, couldn’t attend, and wouldn’t have time to bring the truffles. No anger. Just calmly decline and go on with your day.
That being said, the fact that your “friend” (TA in the case) causally said “whoopsie” would make me seriously question whether I would want to continue that friendship. Accidents happen but because she didn’t apologize profusely for the mistake tells you a lot about how much she values you as a friend.
Edit: I would also not bother about the money as that would add even more aggravation to your life. Consider it the price of finding out the value of this friendship.
I totally understand being irritated, but everyone makes mistakes sometimes and she’s probably harried from a year of shitty sleep plus planning the party. If she’s a close friend, this doesn’t seem worth nuking the friendship over, unless you have other complaints and resentment has been building up. If you absolutely feel the need to “get back” at your friend for the oversight, drop the truffles off at the party and then have whatever conversation or fight you want to have on a different day. YTA if you start a fight with her over it on her baby’s first birthday. The day isn’t about you.
YWNBTA. I’d say, “Shucks, I can’t make it to the changed time. Just Venmo me $xx for the truffles and you can swing by and pick them up before noon.”
If you want to be generous, you can offer to drop them off. After she pays.
Only if OP doesn’t want this person as a friend or all the other people she’s met through this person.
OP noted that they are new to the area and are trying to make friends. This text is a “burn your bridges” message.
QUESTION: Was your friend at all apologetic?
I’d have been mortified, and would have apologised profusely. Anything less than that would make my goodwill evaporate and put the friendship on very very thin ice from my perspective.
YWBTA. She offered to reimburse for ingredients not your time. If you’re feeling petty, charge for the ingredients, but don’t add on shit she never agreed to.
You’re overreacting though.