My friend and I have been arguing about this and I want outside perspectives.
She says she supports LGBTQ+ people, has gay friends, and is fine seeing same-sex couples in real life, including intimate scenes.
However, she refuses to read bisexual or same-sex romance novels. When I asked why, she said that when she reads romance, she imagines herself in the story, and she doesn’t like imagining herself in a boy-to-boy or girl-to-girl relationship. Because of that, she avoids those books completely. She insists this is just personal reading preference and not homophobia.
I’m currently writing a short story/book that includes bisexual or same-sex romance. Some of our friends read parts of it and said it was good and encouraged her to read it too. She refused. She only read the first paragraph and then moved my notebook away.
I confronted her and told her that her refusal feels homophobic to me because the only romance she avoids is same-sex or bisexual romance. From my perspective, it seems like the discomfort is about the relationship itself, not just the genre. She said I was unfair and that I was accusing her of something she isn’t.
Now we’re stuck arguing about whether her behavior is just preference or something more.
AITA for calling her behavior homophobic and taking it personally?
One can be an ally for lgbtq+ communities and not personally enjoy sexual entertainment or art.
People choose to read fiction for various reasons. She does not need to read any book that does not interest her.
As a friend, it would be a kindness to read your book. Or some of your writing. But everyone does not enjoy every type of story.
Shakespeare is not for everyone. Danielle Steel is not for everyone. Charlaine Harris is not for everyone. All of the above have had huge audiences and fans. But each one is different. And each one is not everyone’s cup of tea.
And that’s okay.
YTA
Where do you draw the line?
Is not reading queer themed fiction homophobic?
Not watching queer themed television homophobic?
Is not watching queer themed movies homophobic?
Is not watching queer focused porn homophobic?
YTA. Being homophobic would be believing it shouldn’t exist. Supporting its creation but it not being for you is absolutely reasonable.
You know how homophobic people always talk about the LGBT community shoving their sexual preferences down people’s throats when they really arent?
Yeah, you actually are.
YTA, not wanting to read a certain style of book doesn’t make someone homophobic, what next, she’s homophobic because she won’t kiss a woman.
Yes, YTA
Big one, at that.
I understand you want your friend to like your story, but she’s not homophobic for not liking LGBTQ+ ROMANCE stories. She’s not refusing to read a book because it has queer characters. She’s refusing to read smut that does not adhere to her tastes. And she gave you a pretty good reason why, even if she didn’t need to.
A lot of romance stories are counting on the reader to project themselves onto the MC. Not every reader does that, obviously, but the majority do. And if she’s straight, it’s perfectly reasonable to not feel comfortable imagining herself in a situation she does not find appealing.
Stop being butthurt and grow up.
You’re are a giant AH. I have gay and lesbian friends. I don’t want to read romance novels about them (or frankly anyone else). You do realize it’s attitudes such as yours that are causing gay acceptance in the public to drop? Ask yourself, would a gay person be anti hetero if they don’t want to read hetero romance novels? Or is it just fine if we all like what we like and let people have their preferences?
Ever hear the phrase “don’t yuck someone’s yum”?
What you’re doing is the mirror (not opposite) of it.
Your friend isn’t into stories about bisexual or same sex relationships. Full stop. She specifically told you that reading content like that isn’t enjoyable for her. Yet here you are, slandering her and criticizing her because she won’t read your story.
“Your yuck is wrong, this is yummy! Change your tastes!”
If she said she didn’t like pickles, would you try to shove them down her throat anyway? Or hide them in her food? (Pickles are delicious, btw.)
Your behavior is coming across as immature and entitled – like you’re fishing for approval and praise of your story from all of your friends, and you resent the fact this particular friend isn’t interested in ooh-ing and ahh-ing over what you wrote.
Get over yourself. YTA 100%
That’s not her being homophobic. That’s her not wanting to read your porn. Stop trying to force your fantasies on her.
Yes, dear, YTA.
This is part of the art and business of being an author. Just as you should have the freedom to write the stories that please you, your friend should have the freedom to *not* read stories that won’t please her. Insulting any potential reader is not the best way to make a fan. Calling a friend a homophobe because she doesn’t want to read your story is not the way to keep a friendship.
If you want to make a serious side-gig or a career as an author, you’ll have to learn to separate personal-life relationships from your readerships, or you will burn through friendships faster than you can write the next short story.
I don’t like vampire fantasy books. I have a friend who writes them. I’ve never bought one of her books and she’s never asked me to read one. It’s not in my wheelhouse. But I care about my friend and a lot of people who like those books. It’s just not for me.
If my not liking that genre of literature made my friend feel a certain way about who I am as a person, I would be hurt. If she said that I’m lying when I say I care about people who like vampire fantasy because I won’t read it myself, I would seriously reconsider that friendship.
YTA.
One more level to that. I had a co-worker that admitted to writing smutty romance under a pen name. I read a LOT of smutty romance and wondered if I had ever read their work and not known it. I had not but at one point, they let me know their pen name. I bought their book- 3 bucks or something. It wasn’t smutty romance, it was straight up porn. And a very dark, specific fetish at that. I never felt carefree around that person again. Some things are better left compartmentalized.
Thanks to everyone who replied. I needed to hear these. I get it now. I realized I reacted more from hurt than from fairness and took my friend’s preference personally. I was wrong to label her that way. I was being self-centered. That was my bias showing, and I own that.
This really did open my eyes, and I’ll be more mindful about separating my feelings from accusations next time.
and and thank you for the reality check.
YTA.