For about the last month my close friend and coworker that I will Helen for this post, had been having some trouble at work. Nothing serious just some disagreements in certain areas, but once our manager asked if her new 9 am start time was temporary (originally started at 8:30, but hospice nurses called her around that time and it was making her late so changed to 9 am) and if she could switch back to 8:30 am soon since another staff member is dealing with medical issues and won’t be here a while. She quit the next day after this on 11/20 effective immediately.
That day 11/20 I was speaking with a coworker about the situation and she mentioned to me that she now “thought less of Helen and it’s not a good look for her”. I simply said it sucks that she felt she couldn’t stick the 2 weeks out and kept it at that. The very next day I heard the same coworker and another (one Helen already has a feeling didn’t like her much) speaking about her resignation. One said” wow no one tells me anything” and asked why she didn’t leave with 2 weeks. One made a joke saying “well more Christmas bonus for us”
Now this is where I may be the AH. After hearing the joke plus the comment from the day prior I texted Helen, mainly because Helen is the type of person that will still reach out and check in every once in a while to see how you’re doing EDIT: Helen asks also specifically asked if vibes were off or if anything negative was said about her
I told Helen what was said, and told her I was only telling her this because I knew she would continue to reach out even though she no longer works with us, she thanked me but then proceeded to text the people speaking about her to tell them they can always message her and ask why she left and tell her themselves that they think less of her, then blocked them. The coworker speaking about her obviously didn’t appreciate that, and confronted me about it and I will admit, I told her I didn’t know what she was talking about.
At the end of the day before my shift ended she once again grabbed me for a conversation, told me Helen “sold me out” (she didn’t, she blocked the coworker right after hitting send) and to just acknowledge that I am liar.
Told me I only told Helen that information to hurt her, that the Christmas bonus joke was out of context, and then me saying I wish she stuck the 2 weeks out was also me “talking about her”. She walked out after getting me to “acknowledge I am a liar”. Overall the whole conversation seemed hostile and quite condescending. I was very upset after the conversation and have an anxiety disorder, my brain always thinks I’m in some type of danger in situations like these so I proceeded to have an anxiety attack.
There’s even more information that I’m leaving out because quite frankly it will exceed the character limit at this point, but now today I am supposed to have a meeting with the coworker and supervisor over this situation. So am I the asshole? Should I have just not said anything at all? I personally feel like I didn’t have to disclose anything to this coworker.
NAH. I don’t think you did it maliciously, but Helen also did nothing wrong.
Here’s a tip from someone who also has anxiety: learn not to tell white lies. I’ve been in a similar situation before and I know it feels awful. So what I took from it is that I now never say anything about anyone I wouldn’t say to their face. Your mistake was lying about telling Helen to spare yourself short-term discomfort. Sometimes you get away with it and sometimes it blows up in your face and makes everything worse. Owning your words and saying “yes, I felt like she deserved to know how you felt her” OR not saying anything to her at all would have both been better decisions.
YTA stop gossiping. Not your place. Stop
ESH. All the people sound like they are in the 20’s or younger. Your coworkers shouldn’t have pressured you to disclose your involvement (they aren’t AH’s for voicing disappointment), you shouldn’t have told your friend about the conversation, your friend shouldn’t have escalated by getting angry with the coworkers after she zero-notice quit, and your boss shouldn’t have made this a bigger issue with the meeting.
YTA you didnt need to tell Helen anything, there’s literally no reason to. Stupid drama.
Geez, do you work at Gossip Girl? Lol. My head is spinning and i feel like i’m back in junior high
INFO: why did you tell Helen this instead of checking on her?
Perception is reality. I guess it is good that all of you know exactly who And what you are dealing with
“Gossip is the devil’s telephone. Best to just hang up.”
YTA
Mild YTA
When someone quits with no notice, it puts an extra burden on the team and those left behind. It’s natural to vent and it is a bad look. I wouldn’t rehire someone who did that and I would block their hire if I saw them come across my desk again.
This is the reality of life. People have emotions. And the Christmas Bonus thing is a pretty obvious joke.
You didn’t need to run and fill her in on every detail like you only had 15 minutes to the next bell.
You turned as mole hill into a mountain.
Gossiping is tacky and immature and 💯 will always bite you in the ass.
YTA – You reached out to Helen JUST TO GOSSIP. Had she asked you a pointed question about staff’s reaction and you answered honestly that would have been another thing entirely. That’s not what happed, though. You reached out JUST TO STIR THR POT.
And then when confronted you LIED ABOUT YOUR INVOLVEMENT.
Be prepared for just discipline for creating a hostile work environment. HR would be right to reprimand you.
YTA
There was literally no point in telling your ex coworker any of that and I’m not sure what you thought was going to happen. Of course she was going to reach out to those people and of course they were going to realize that it was you.
Stop gossiping. And if its not gossiping and you think there’s an actual purpose in what you shared, then be an adult and own it. This is just needless drama that you’re stirring up and theres no value to it for anyone.
YTA. Your coworkers aren’t necessarily in the wrong but you and Helen are. She walked out with no notice. This is always going to spark some curiosity and probably frustration if you work somewhere that needs shift coverage. Your coworkers are absolutely justified to vent about this and Helen absolutely didn’t need to know about this. It’s not helpful to her in any way. You went out of your way to fill her in on information that really has no bearing on her anymore which comes off as incredibly gossipy.
Helen is the asshole for essentially throwing you under the bus by reaching out to the coworkers directly. As her close friend it’s painfully obvious you’re the one who told her, and now you have to deal with the fallout from that. Which, frankly, you deserve for being a gossip.