For context me (F21) & him (m23) have two kids together and are engaged. We have been together for going on 3 years.. We currently live in Selma city and are moving to Austin which is a hour away next month. Austin is where his mom lives. We are going to share a duplex (our own house but she lives in her own right next door) so my husband has always been the type to call his mom after work he send me a quick text to let me know he’s out or he’ll call real quick like 4 min max before hanging up saying I’ll see u when I get home. He talks all the way from the 27 minute commute home to her.. sitting in the drive way for 30 minutes still on the phone with her. Then comes into the house STILL on the phone with her. It’s frustrating because it’s every day except when she is out of town. It’s always 2hours or more. He’s going to be seeing her right now currently Sunday-wed bc of his new job until we all move in and then we’ll be living next to her mind yall he has seen her multiple times since moving from Austin tho z it’s frustrating because why don’t you talk to me? Why do you call her so much as if you’re lowkey in a relationship with her. I totally love having a good relationship with your mom it’s healthy but shouldn’t your wife / kids come first? We don’t see him for 12hrs + on a daily so yea I’m a little bothered by this. I have communicated when u come in this door please least say hi and acknowledge us before saying bye to your mom and rushing to take a bathroom break. Idk AITA and thinking to much into this?
INFO
Otp: one time passcode?
You have three children. He’s a grown man. Put a stop to it now or endure it for as long as she has remaining on this planet.
They are both kids raising kids.
Huuuuuuun. What exactly do you think will happen when she LIVES NEXT DOOR??? ESH, as this obviously ain’t new behavior
Every day is a lot already
Moving next door might be a bad idea
https://www.healthline.com/health/emotional-incest
NTA
Is it different, feels like a little much, and maybe a little weird? Sure. But can you tell him NOT TO? Not really. You can tell him that you’d love to talk to him more, but you can’t REALLY get mad if he’d rather chat with his mom. I wouldn’t be super comfy with my husband being more “into” his mom than me, but that’s seems to be the dynamic you’re choosing if you marry him. Don’t be shocked if he’s at her house more than yours when you live next door, unless you have open conversation and discuss your boundaries you’re comfortable with, AND he agrees with them.
OTP. Do we have to abbreviate everything now?
DWHTAEN?
IKR!
Seriously though, that annoyed me too.
So you had babies while you were still babies and you are surprised that he has not yet cut the umbilical cord from his mom? And now you are moving next door to her? She is going to be in your house and in your business every single day. You (and maybe a counselor) need to explain that his #1, 2, and 3 priorities are the you and the kids and if he doesn’t start showing up, you’re leaving.
This is so weird, but you also married him, didn’t you know this already?
NTA. Chatting on his drive home is one thing. Sitting in his car when he has a wife and kids waiting inside is another. Not cool.
For the record – my husband talks to his mom on the phone most days, ~15-30 minutes a day on lunch break or the drive home. I think it’s too much (not because of the time, but because of her lack of boundaries and how judgy she is on the calls). We went to couples therapy a while back and I mentioned it, saying I think it’s kind of a lot and weighing on our relationship. Our therapist was a trainee so at our next session she confessed she’d gone back to her supervisor and asked “hey, is talking to your mom 30 minutes a day unusual? That sounds like a lot to me but idk….” Supervisor confirmed it was pretty unusual for an adult. Honestly validating for both of us to hear that it’s out of the norm.
Just had he idea of when he gets home you serve dinner with or without him. He might get pissed so it is what it is.
You’re moving into a home that adjoins the mommy you think he is far too intertwined with because he neglects his family to chat with her?
Have you never seen *Everybody Loves Raymond*?
Good luck!
You’re NTA