I have a younger sibling and it seems like I am always helping her. In college I would help her with essays. I would listen to her problems, if she got stuck somewhere I would go and pick her up . She is 24 now and it is got pretty clear that she doesn’t reciprocate helping out. Or does any favors for family
My brother and I have both noticed it. I had a conversation with her about it and she said she would do better.
Recently she asked if I could use my house to her engagement dinner and I agreed. It was a big favor in my opinion and I have been helping plan it.
My sister lives very close to my kids daycare. I left work and on the way home there was a huge crash on the highway. I wasn’t moving at all ( it took me 4 hours to get to home ). My husband was also stuck in it. The day care called asking where I was and I told them I am trying to get there.
They bill an extra 100 ever 30 mins you are late. I called my sister and asked her to pick up the kids and just hold on to them for a few hours until I can grab them. She told me no and that she wanted to relax tonight.
I told her I really need her to do this favor becuase I was stuck and it didn’t seem like I would be moving anytime soon. I told her I will Venmo her the money for the daycare but to please pick them up. She told me no again and hung up.
I ended up calling my MIL, who is an hour away and she was able to pick the kids up and say at our place until we got back around 9. I was in traffic for 4 hours.
Tbh I have been pissed since that happened last Thursday. I have helped her over and over again and she could do me a simple favor when she is literally 10 mins away from the daycare becuase she wanted to relax…
I talked it over and my husband and I both agreed we were done helping her. I sent her a text that said, family is suppose to help each other and it has became clear that she only ever wants help and is not willing to help. I told her I will not being hosting her engagement party and will not do her any favors anymore.
She called and we got into a huge argument where I called her selfish and she called me petty.
I want an outsiders opinion becuase I am pissed about this whole thing.
I think that you did the right thing. You were in a serious mess and she refused to help. NTA
NTA. I don’t believe in retroactive petty but I also believe if you mess with someone’s kids all bets are off, so do what you feel is best.
Wow
NTA. She’s completely ungrateful and is not yet recognizing what it means to be an adult, contributing member of a family. Often the younger siblings are the selfish ones becuase the older kids always get told my mom and dad ‘help your sister, she can’t climb the ladder’ or ‘bring your sister too!’ or ‘can she get a job where you’re working?’ They are late to the adult game and this is a perfect example.
She decided to be selfish when you were clearly in a huge jam (literally) and really needed her and she turned her back. Well, now she’ll find out that people do not want to do favours for those who haven’t got the tiime of day to be kind back.
Cancel that party asap.
NTA
You should not host her engagement party, since she refused to pick up your kids in an emergency. She is entitled and selfish, a taker but not a giver.
NTA . Your sister is a taker and will only care about herself if her actions never have repercussions. Helping watch your siblings child for a bit due to an emergency, and one that could cost 400-800 dollars, is a no brainer. This is especially true since even the most self-absorbed people would recognize you are hosting an event for them and the transactional types would recognize this trade off as well.
I’d just cut off favors/help for them unless they show they are willing to help out WITHOUT a payoff for an extended period of time. If they escalate, then I’d go low/no contact.
NTA. Your sister was just taught a very valuable lesson from this. Whether she’ll learn from it, we’ll see.
There was a meme floating around Reddit this week which said “relationships are not transactional. But they are reciprocal. Remember that the next time you want to tell somebody you don’t owe them shit”.
Got me thinking on it all week.
I truly think people forget that you have to give back if you want people to help you in the future
You can’t just take all the time
The whole, you don’t have to do shit for anyone is true, but live with no one ever wanting to help you if you act that way
You have a wonderful MIL. I hope you appreciate her! Sis not so much. NTA
You just taught your sister a valuable lesson. She is perfectly entitled to decide that relaxing is more important than helping you out. But there are consequences for actions. She is getting consequences.
NTA
NTA. I don’t care if the dinner is tonight, this is an outrageous bit of rudeness from your sister. Cancel the party and keep your distance. She’s unbelievable.
She doesn’t deserve a dinner. Tell her you need to relax that night!
NTA
You sister may FINALLY learn there are consequences for being a selfish entitled ass, but probably not.
She is 24 and she can’t even be a decent human being to her sister who is overly gracious to even allow the party at their home.
I feel for her fiance.
Just say due to the unexpected daycare costs you are unable to host. Actions have consequences.