I’m a 19 year old girl who still lives at home with my mum who is 40. If you can’t already tell my mum had me at a young age which might contribute to our constant arguing. Most of the time it’s just mum and I in the house as my older sister travels a lot. I pay my mum rent, I buy my own toiletries, food and clothes and have been doing so since 16 and recently she said she might add bills to that list to.
I like buying clothes as I love different outfits and occasionally things go missing and I can’t find them. I’ll find things in the laundry I didn’t where or I’ll go to my washing and clothes are missing. I’ll catch my mum wearing my clothes and she never asks.
When I caught her the other day I snapped as she was wearing something I’d had been looking for. We started to yell at each other and she said if I cleaned my room more I’d find my clothes or if I didn’t leave them downstairs she wouldn’t take them. Also she said it’s not fair that in the past I’ve worn her clothes. Bare in mind in the past i was a child who needed certain clothes but couldn’t afford it and I ALWAYS asked her first.
She then left the room mid way through my sentence and called me a fucktard. We now haven’t spoken for a while and it got me thinking should I just let her take my clothes as she is my mother. Also I probably shouldn’t have just snapped and yelled.
Any advice or response is appreciated
NTA. I think the realities of your economic situation should definitely be considered. Whatever that is.
NTA whatever happens, do not let her get away with taking your clothes! That is fucked up and not something normal people would do. Get a lock for your door and keep all your stuff there. If you pay rent, she has no right to say no to a lock regardless of what she thinks.
DO not let her take your clothes, in fact you pay rent. Buy a lock and put it on your door. NTA
NTA. Comparing you wearing her clothes as a child to her stealing yours now is ridiculous. You were her dependent then. You are an adult contributor to the household now. Those situations are not the same.
NTA, she can’t just take what she wants. It’s rude and disrespectful. She’s being childish. Maybe it’s time to fly the coop. Best wishes. Set boundaries.
Do you have a lease?
NTA
Your mother is completely in the wrong. She should not touch your clothes. She should not curse at you. She should not try to gaslight you by claiming you can’t find your clothes because your room is allegedly messy. I don’t blame you for being angry.
Can you get a lock for your room or your closet?
Maybe it’s time to move out, your paying rent anyway so why not pay for your own place. Definetly not the AH
NTA – if you can afford to rent somewhere else then if I were you I’d GTFO
I’m so glad my daughter and I get along. She calls my winter coat “our winter coat.” I have several so I’m not bothered. It’s pretty funny because she’s tiny and I’m average. Our coat swallows her lol
“Our coat”. That is really cute! 🥰
>I’ll catch my mum wearing my clothes and she never asks
Sounds like your mother has an inappropriate entitlement attitude towards your possessions. I’m guessing she views you as an extension of herself and therefore thinks your closet is fair game.
>she said if I cleaned my room more I’d find my clothes or if I didn’t leave them downstairs she wouldn’t take them.
So, she’s blaming you for giving her opportunity to steal your clothes. * sigh * It’s all just so…tiresome.
You are NTA. Your mother though…wow. It would be good for you to make sure you keep your clothes picked up and put away, thereby removing her excuse to take them. If you limit her to actually having to go into your closet without your permission, you’ll have stronger ground to object from.
Maybe a lock for your closet door?
You mother *should* respect you and your things. I’m very sorry she doesn’t.
>She then left the room mid way through my sentence and called me a fucktard
This is unacceptable and makes me really angry for you.
Maybe you shouldn’t have snapped at her – but taking your clothes without permission is far worse! Stop that behaviour in the future by keeping all your clothing in your room, and putting a lock on your wardrobe, closet or bedroom, whichever is best.
I don’t know what it is about these people – usually sisters or female roommates – who think they have a right to “borrow” clothing and sometimes other personal objects. I grew up in a family with a mother and sisters and lived with female roommates, and that was not the practice at all.
NTA