I have been married to my wife for 2 years. She tries really hard and she’s good. The problem is her cooking isn’t just good. It’s always overcooked or under seasoned. Meat is dry. Vegetables are mush. I have quietly eaten it this way since. i had no problem at first, no dreams for better quality.
although Sometimes I suggest takeout She just kinda gets upset and feels like i don’t appreciate her effort. So I eat it and say thank you. I work like crazy and i’m barely home to help
Last week she made a new recipe. chicken with some sauce. The chicken was so dry I could barely chew it and the sauce was bland. I ate what I could then she asked how it was and I said it was fine like always. this time she wasn’t satisfied at all. She said she spends hours cooking and I never really compliment her. she said that in tears. She said she feels like I hate her food. I didn’t know what to say so I told her the truth. I said the chicken was dry and the sauce needed salt. I said I love her but cooking isn’t her strongest skill.
She got quiet and went to bed early. The next day she didn’t make dinner. She ordered pizza and she barely talked to me.
it’s been a week and she hasn’t cooked once. She buys takeout or makes sandwiches. She told her sister what I said and her sister called me to talk about her disappointment. she suggested i cook with her to teach her how i like my food which i agreed but telling her the truth was first. you cant teach someone if they don’t know they lack knowledge
i feel bad she’s upset. But I was honest because she pushed me. I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings. I just wanted to stop pretending forever.
AITA?
To be honest, i think she is more hurt over the fact you didn’t say anything before now
Yes. In her mind she likely went “wait…you didn’t like it the WHOLE TIME? You were Lying the whole time? “ That has got to hurt just as hard as the blunt honesty…
INFO do you ever cook for her?
So when have you decided to take over being the primary cook in your household?
I mean he said he works like crazy and is barely home. It sounds like she’s home more than him, and it’s unclear if she works. I’m assuming she does but perhaps less than him? I get personally how absolutely difficult it can be to work so much and have to cook on top of it all. We don’t know the division of labor in this relationship. And it’s hard to tell your partner you don’t like something and have them feel unappreciated I don’t think there are necessary any assholes here, just two people trying to navigate being together, working, and household chores.
Info: do you cook? Does your wife work?
YTA for not telling her you didn’t like her cooking for 2 years, but NTA for finally being honest, you just should have been honest sooner. I’m sure she felt that you didn’t like/appreciate her cooking even though you didn’t outright say it which of course would make someone feel bad. You should have told her upfront in a constructive way so it didn’t have to come to a confrontation like this.
YTA. You could have avoided all of this if, rather than lie for two years of married life, you had offered to teach her how you like things cooked in the first place.
Had she never cooked for you before the two of you got married — and vice versa? Had you never talked about how each of you likes their food to be cooked?
Good grief, is it really that difficult to be honest and kind at the same time?
YTA but mainly for keeping the lie going for as long as you have already. This isn’t a small thing, it’s literally years of lies.
YTA. suggest you learn to cook.
How about you start cooking instead of bitching about it. Im a man and I love cooking and baking. I’m always finding ways to make something kickass and new.
Have you ever once told her how much you *appreciate her efforts*? Not a quality or flavor judgement, but gratitude for the contribution she’s trying to make to your life?
If not, start there. Accepting help with the things you could do better is a lot easier when you feel valued and appreciated.
Edit to change this to YTA. The way you say “truth was first” is so condescending and rude. There’s a way to be both truthful and loving. Learn how.
I’m quite a shit chef, but I try. Occasionally do very well. But if I make a meal that is barely edible and I ask my partner about it, he always says he appreciates my efforts and thanks me for the meal. Makes me feel like trying to make food he likes, rather than sticking to stuff I know I do well but is a bit boring
My rule is that if you don’t want to, or aren’t able to cook for yourself, you shut the fuck up about the cooking of the person taking care of you.
YTA