My wife and I have been married six years. We have a dog, and her family loves him so much that they treat him like their own. Whenever we visit her parents, her brother, or her sister, they insist on giving him treats, letting him jump on furniture, and sometimes even feed him table scraps.
At first, I didn’t mind. I thought it was cute and harmless. Over time, though, it became stressful. Our dog started gaining weight, became picky, and even started behaving aggressively toward us when he didn’t get what he wanted. I’ve tried talking to my wife about it, asking her to set limits, but she says her family is just having fun and I’m overreacting.
Last weekend, we were invited over again. I told my wife I wasn’t taking our dog because I don’t want to encourage bad behavior or let him get overfed. She was upset and said I’m being dramatic, that her family loves him, and that it will make her look bad. She ended up taking him anyway while I stayed home.
I feel like I’m protecting our dog’s health and our authority as pet owners, but my wife thinks I’m overstepping and being rigid.
AITA?
NTA your family needs to respect your boundaries and spoiling does not equate to love. Its easier for others to say you’re overreacting when they’re not the ones who have to deal with the consequences.
NTA that’s really problematic behavior coming from your dog and it’s clearly a direct consequence of her family’s behavior. If they can’t participate in maintaining his training then they don’t get to hang out with him. You should show her this thread when you’ve got enough feedback, I bet the responses to this are very consistently the same as what I said.
NTA, I would’ve said NAH if she hadn’t just taken the dog anyway. I would’ve at least leave the dog at home for that one occassion until you had a proper discussion about it.
NILIF – Nothing In Life Is Free. When a dog get’s their head turned by badly behaved humans and needs a reset – they have to work for everything. They are now on lockdown – no rights to furniture (some dogs see a rise from the furniture as a rise in status – being on the floor won’t hurt a dog). They want to go for a walk? They sit at the door and “ask” politely before you open the door. This can take many attempts BTW.
Dinner time (or treat) they do something – sit or down or whatever you have trained.
Teach off – off people, off furniture – four on the floor.
Some dogs cannot handle too much freedom/spoiling/attention and respond much happier with structure and discipline.
Oh, if you are doing NILIF – you need to up exercise, so playing fetch or going for multiple walks is needed. They need the release because working in your head is hard!
NTA. I can’t understand why families choose not to listen to your wishes about your pets/children. If something is wrong, it’s not them taking care of the pet/child or paying the bill. You’re doing right!
NTA. You seem like the only one caring for this dog. Stick to your side of things and keep the puppy safe. They are being taught they’ll get treats and pets and rewards for being there and they are going to get angrier for not being spoiled if this continues, no differently than a child, but with less ability to communicate.
Stop it before it gets worse.
NTA
It’s not even just about when your dog is there. It’s teaching them bad habits that they’ll bring home.
Also, if you ever decide to have kids, this is a sneak peek of what that’ll be like.
Obviously you have no children. You better conquer this disagreement prior to children or your wife and/or the grandparents will ruin your parenting. Rules are set in place to protect the dog or child from a poor diet resulting in upset stomach or weight issues. Your wife not recognizing these as serious is a huge Red Flag. Her not protecting the dog is an additional Red Flag. She is more interested in the fun of spoiling than the responsibility of caregiving another Red Flag.
NTA You should take your dog to the vet. You might be right, and it’s just behavior due to being spoiled or just aging. But if he’s becoming aggressive and his appetite is changing, he might be in pain, and this could be his way of communicating that. It might convince your wife that you’re not being dramatic.
Since you’ve tried communicating with your wife and she ignored you, only thing you can do is talk to her family directly. Dogs have different needs based on species, health, and size. They might not realize they’re overfeeding your dog, especially if they have bigger dogs/no dogs.
NTA Her family is actively harming your dog. There’s nothing cute about an overhyped, anxious, overweight dog. Dogs are happiest with routine and structure. You can absolutely retrain your dog, but you can’t retrain her family. Start leaving your dog at home or in a routine doggy daycare environment.
It’s shocking that your wife doesn’t seem to care about your dog at all.
When your dog bites her, she’ll wise up.
Nta. A dog’s rules are their rulers, regardless of where they are. It great the family loves him, but they need to respect your boundaries. Have you talked to them about this or just your wife?
If the dog is gaining weight, he’s either spending a LOT of time with your wife’s family, or your wife is overfeeding him or there is something else going on. Getting table scraps once every couple of weeks won’t do it. In any case, all you’ve managed to accomplish is by not going with your wife is to make yourself look like kind of an asshole. It’s good to be concerned, but you could have been an adult about it and told her family that you’re very concerned about the dog’s health and ask them in no uncertain terms to not feed him table scraps, but instead you stayed home and pouted. YTA.
I agree. This dog gaining weight from going over there and getting an occasional treat makes no sense. It makes me wonder what else OP is exaggerating about .