I (22F) went to get a massage for the first time ever this past weekend. A family friend gave me an early Christmas present- an expensive massage treatment which I was really excited for.
When I get there and get situated, I meet my masseuse, a woman who looks vaguely familiar to me. After a moment of chatting, her face lights up in recognition. She used to date my uncle almost a decade ago. Naturally, she asks how he is doing and I have to inform her that he passed away last summer. She hugs me and gives her condolences and I can tell the news hit her really hard. She gets all weepy and I am just at a loss for what to do.
I am just absolutely horrible with people, so I get all awkward. It is not like I really know this woman or anything, but I want to give her the option to grieve if she needs to, so I offer to come back another time. She insists on continuing her job.
Then I am laying down and she is working her magic- still working through the tears, which I feel absolutely horrible about. She keeps trying to make small talk, asking about the family. I ask her about hers. But then she mentions one of Mark’s (my uncle) close friends. They all grew up together and spent a lot of their youth doing stupid shit around town. The thing is, he is dead too. Died a month after Mark and I don’t have the heart to bring it up, so I go quiet. After a moment, the guilt of holding onto that info crept in so I broke the news to her. I could feel her tears on my back. It was just awful.
I sat up and requested that she swaps with one of her co-workers because she clearly needed time to herself. She got even more upset and started hardcore sobbing, muttering to herself about ruining my relaxation time. I tried to say it was all okay and reassure her. She didn’t even look at me and left. It keeps replaying in my head. I feel like I tore this woman apart. AITA?
NTA. It’s not your fault this massage session didn’t have a Happy Ending.
NTA. Oof, that sucks, I’m sorry your massage turned out to be not so relaxing. You’re entitled to receive the relaxing and restorative service you signed up for. She’s not an AH for crying or grieving, but she is out of line for not recognizing that she needs to step away and let somebody else take over, and for having an attitude in response to you requesting a different masseuse.
NTA. You were trying to give her time to process and also receive the service you paid for. You weren’t being cold or unfeeling.
This is also the reason why someone in this woman’s position should have avoided personal questions to a client, at least until your massage was over. Granted she had no way of knowing the news she was about to hear, but it’s general politeness when someone you recognize comes in to get a massage from you that they might feel uncomfortable talking about family members or personal life details while being unclothed and receiving a massage. If she would have left the catch up until the end, you could have had a massage and maybe a gentle if sad conversation at the end before you left.
NTA
And honestly, she shouldn’t have been chatting with you about your family in the first place. She put this on you and on herself. You’re a good person for having been a good sport about it for so long.
NTA massages are supposed to make you feel good physically and mentally, not stressed out
Nta
She was extremely unprofessional.
If I had found out that somebody I cared about a great deal in my past had died, it would upset me too. She asked how he was, and you told her. You did not rip her life apart, she’s grieving. The news is upsetting, but it’s not your fault.
NTA, you shouldn’t have to reassure someone who’s weeping while they’re giving you a service, especially something supposed to be relaxing.
It’s a professional setting, she was not being professional. End of story, you’re NTA.
NTA. You didn’t do anything wrong. She needed time.
NTA. The message place should give you a redo. Very awkward situation and there isn’t much else to do there
NAH this is one of the most uncomfortable interactions I’ve ever read about. How unbelievably awkward. You weren’t going to have a relaxing massage after you broke the news of the first death and she should’ve excused herself, but I also understand her wanting to power through because she has bills to pay too. I hope your other massage went well.
NTA and honestly, I feel like you didn’t get the service you should have because of the circumstances. Is she willing to give you another visit free of charge or how did this end? Did someone else finish the service?
NTA. I’m not surprised she was upset, but she needed to be professional.