I am a 30 year old man working as a mid level software engineer. I have a colleague who is also 30 and mid level. Everyone else on our team is senior, staff or principal, even the ones our age. I was a senior at my last place before I was made redundant, but I took this role afterwards and I like the work itself.
She told me recently that if she were ever laid off she might go back to uni and study business. I get the sense it bothers her that she has not been promoted to senior. When I joined she mentioned that people act fake to get promotions. Since Covid the company hardly promotes anyone because mid and senior have almost the same responsibilities.
I was thinking of telling her to really consider it, because I am not convinced a business degree would make things easier. And if she ever wanted to return to tech, a long gap might make it harder.
Here is why I am conflicted. I honestly think she and I are the most competent on the team among the mid and senior levels. She has strong intuition and a very scientific way of thinking. Both of us take on the lower level work like systems, networks and concurrency, and tasks that rely on real computer science knowledge. We still learn as we go but we deal with the complicated parts.
Most of the others prefer the more straightforward tasks that do not need a computer science degree, like simple front ends or basic cloud code. We also end up fixing their work. For example someone wrote a component for us that technically ran but sent the CPU to one hundred per cent while doing nothing. She and I rewrote almost all of it. Then at review they nitpicked things like variable names. At stand up they acted like they had done some deep technical review. Our manager is not an expert so he gets impressed.
I cannot shake the feeling that they are condescending to both of us. They also keep certain knowledge to themselves, like access permissions we need for development work, which makes them seem more knowledgeable only because they are hiding things.
I am the only visible minority on the team and she is a woman who is quite girly in how she behaves. She sometimes says things like oh I am so stupid when she debugs. Lots of people say that but with her everyone acts like it is genuinely true. I feel like it has chipped away at her confidence.
So I was thinking of telling her that going into business might not be the right move and that she has real talent for computer science which is not easy to find. But would I be the arsehole for saying something like that. I do not want to question her choices in a rude way, but I also do not want her to doubt herself just because the environment here is strange and a bit discouraging.
YWBTA because you genuinely don’t know what she will use the degree for down the line, nor did she ask for your input on this hypothetical.
What you can do is reaffirm to her in moments that she is really skilled at what she does and perhaps encourage her toward a more support environment before completely jumping ship in the tech world.
Well she did say it would be easier to get some general office job than tech in the current market and thought it would help. she did not say it was to start a business
I mean, there’s really no such thing as a general office job. Lots of people who work “general office jobs” do specific tasking and have particular skillsets. Those can be *aided* by having a business degree but aren’t necessary.
You also don’t *need* a business degree to start a business.
At the end of the day, it boils down to the fact that she didn’t ask your opinion.
YTA if you do that without even being asked for your opinion.
YWBTA. It’s not your place to offer unsolicited advice. If she asks sure, but if not, leave it.
NAH. This isn’t a conflict to be solved, you are just looking for advice.
What I would say is that you shouldn’t dissuade her from going for a business degree at all. Rather, you should focus on building up her confidence in computer science and the tech world. Bring positivity to her life, not negativity. She’s had enough of that already.
YTA
Instead of telling her not to go back to school, how about telling her how awesome she actually is. That might boost her confidence and help her in whatever she wants to do.