For reference me and my closest friends who I look to as brother all deer and duck hunt. In November is the best time to deer hunt and it’s the opening of ducks. This isn’t some new hobby, I’ve been doing it my whole life and my fiancé knew since before the first date. Whenever we started planning, I told her I didn’t want a November wedding as it would coincide with my plans, and all of my brothers and some family members. She said she wanted a November wedding and that was that. We talked it out and I got her to agree to late October. Fast forward a couple weeks and I am submitting my Vacation time for the following year, I told her the dates just to double check she wanted me to have the whole week after off. She said “everybody I’ve talked to says don’t do an October wedding” and I just gave up and submitted the days off in the middle of November. I told her that was the only thing I wanted a legitimate say in and got hit with a “well…” and that was it. Am I in the wrong?
NTA – you’re allowed to have your things, and hers sounds less legitimate than yours (hunting is a tangible reason).
But what I would say is get ready – because if you can’t even agree or compromise together on when the wedding will be – you still have about 400 wedding decisions.
Then there’s the whole thing of a marriage and all the compromise that comes with that. It takes both of you to give and take a little for a successful marriage.
I don’t know how many days you would spend hunting, and I might normally suggest dropping a couple of days this year, but a year also has twelve months, why does she need a wedding in the one month that is blocked off? NTA
You’d think it’d be a couple of days this year, but what happens next year? “What do you mean you’re getting up at 4am to go hunting, what about our anniversary weekend?”
I mean conversely, it means nothing is ever allowed to be planned in this month? I personally think that the future wife should be honoring this request as it isn’t much of a compromise to just do what you wanted to do in the first place. But an entire month blacked out is a pain in the ass, and if even the wedding isn’t important enough for that hobby to take a back seat… I can see why she’s decided to die on this hill. Maybe she should have worn an orange vest.
We don’t have much information – but we could reframe this as OPs fiance trying to block off 11 months for the wedding.
I’m not saying it’s okay for her to do this, I specifically said it isn’t a compromise. My point is that if OP can’t even put hunting on a back seat for his wedding … well then it’s always going to come first lol. I mean it’s moot anyway since it sounds like he’s given in.
This made me smile! We planned our wedding well outside of deer season because I wanted a honeymoon where we didn’t have to wear camo! The way I figured it, deer season only lasts a few months, so I plenty of other months to choose from.
NTA it’s not just you, it’s your extended family and friend group. This scheduling will cause problems for many and unnecessary drama. At least try to find a location close by, so people would not have to travel too far.
A wedding is not just for the bride. It should be about the both of you. Get involved.
NTA
I am a woman and her behavior is a gigantic red flag. Who cares if other people say dont have a Oct wedding? Who are they that their opinion matters more than yours? And if she won’t listen and compromise and consider your wants for YOUR WEDDING then you can know she will steam roll over ever other decision that should be a joint decision for the rest of your life. It is a big enough red flag for me, that if I were in your position I would call the wedding off.
But at least she is revealing who she really is before marriage, before you are legally bound to her. If you give in she will take this as meaning its OK to not consider your feelings and perspectives in the future. Continue forward with her at your own peril.
NTA. I’m seeing some red flags in the few things you’ve shared. If you’re upset/resentful of this, it’s only going to get worse as the wedding date gets closer, and after the wedding.
You may want to think about seeking marriage counseling prior to spending any more time/money/effort on a wedding date that will most likely end in an argument every year when you want to continue a long-standing family tradition.
It’s not the way to start off a marriage. I don’t know where you plan to get married, but October is a wonderful time of year to get married. If you’re going to be inside for the ceremony, and the reception, what does it matter when you get married. Places can be decorated to get the look/feel you want. Think about it, do you really think all those Christmas movies are shot in December? No, they’re shot in the spring/summer for a winter release.
NTA this was incredibly selfish of your partner. She has 11 whole months to pick a wedding and can’t respect your one request? It’s not like you blocked off a whole football season. Also, as another comment mentioned. Hunting is big in your friend and family groups. This isn’t just a red flag for her lack of team work with you. But it seems intentional to provoke drama with others who hunt this month.
NTA. Curious to know why she has to have the wedding in November. This of course means every year your anniversary will be…..in November. I take it she doesn’t like hunting?
NTA. This is a control tactic. Once you’re married, you’ll never go hunting again, unless “I need to be in control” wifey says so.
It seems perfectly even to me. You don’t want a November wedding because of something that’s very important to you that you’ve done all your life. Equally important, she doesn’t want an October wedding because some rando friend told her it was a bad idea. Pretty even.
/s