\*It is important to note that she is strict with food, so we don’t eat sugar, wheat, most diary, food colouring, etc, so options and decorations are extremely limited.\*
Basically what the title says. I am turning 18 in a few days, and my mom asked me what kind of cake I want. We settled on an apple pie (my fav!), and she asked how I wanted to decorate it. I said just plain was fine, and she said she could put chocolate on top, which I declined. I then thought of using a star cookie cutter on top to make a cute design and showed her an example saying "this is what I want!" She said the idea was nice, and then said she would choose what shapes to put. I disagreed, and said I only wanted stars.
She called me selfish and stubborn, and said she wanted her own "creativity" in the cake. It turned into a fight, in which my dad was on her side, basically saying that not everything needs to be the way I wanted and that I should learn to compromise. About an hour later, I was on the phone with my brother when my mom texted him that she would not be celebrating my birthday this year. Am I being unreasonable for just wanting the stars?
NTA. The cake is for you, not her.
It seems like it’s your mom who has issues compromising on her “artistic” visions. It’s completely normal for the birthday person to choose the decorative design. And it seems childish that your mother will no longer make the pie if can’t make it her way. And if she wasn’t going to take your input, she shouldn’t have asked. NTA
NTA
Who’s birthday is this? Hers? Because I thought it was yours.
NTA, But this seriously has to be about something more than a birthday “cake”.
NTA. Your birthday, your cake. Your parents are VERY controlling, aren’t they? Cheer up, in two years you can legally walk away from her.
Even sooner if you are in one of the states where at 16 or 17 you can request a change of Guardianship. Is there a grandparent, aunt or the like that you would like to live with, who would be willing to support your case – with a goal of getting away from abusive parents (100% control, constantly denying what you want that normal people find reasonable, is abusive) to a reasonable one?
I think you misread – OP is turning 18, they’re a legal adult in a couple days.
Your mom has controlling issues. NTA it’s your birthday cake wth
You are NTA, but your mom surely is.
NTA. Your cake is a pie. Choosing a star shape over the other basic shapes is a minor choice. Just make your own instead (or buy one if you’re culinarily challenged).
NTA, time to get yourself out of there.
NTA – even without more info, it’s clear your parents are very controlling. You are turning 18, and they are trying to keep you under their thumb. You don’t need to do anything drastic, but start making mental notes of all their gaslighting and belittling. If not already working, get a job and start saving everything you can. If your parents ask how much you make, tell them less than you actually do.
For this situation, you are not in the wrong. But just don’t bring it up again, if she does, just tell her to do whatever decorations she wants. This isn’t a hill to die on, but it certainly is eye opening.
I don’t understand why someone would ask what you wanted, then fight you about it. Your mom has control issues like mine did. NTA
NTA. This is how you end up ruining your relationships with your children.
Sounds like she has an issue with control, and your dad has an issue where he lost his spine at some point after meeting your mom. 🙄
And somehow, it’ll be your fault when you escape them and realize there are people out there who *won’t* gaslight and manipulate you about everything— including small moments that were supposed to be celebrating YOU.