Hey everyone, I’m using a throwaway account because I really need to know if I’m crazy for feeling this way. I’m 21(f) my husband 23(m), and while I’m not having kids anytime soon, I’ve always had this one name I loved (changed so it wont be recognizable) – James. I mentioned it maybe once or twice around family, just kind of as a dream name for a future child.
Now here’s what happened: My brother in law and his wife were expecting a baby girl, or so they thought. They had a girl’s name all picked out. But when the baby was born, it was a boy. And they went ahead and named him James, the name I had always held onto.
They didn’t really ask me, my brother in law just texted my husband, kind of like a rhetorical ‘Hey, we’re calling him James, okay?’ And my husband just said, ‘Sure, whatever you want,’ without even thinking about how I’d feel.
At the time my brother in law messaged my husband, my husband could at least say that we are not really ok with that and ask them to think about a different name.
The in laws don’t know all the drama because my husband is keeping it from them but we had a huge fight because he is not taking my side.
I feel completely unheard. It’s not just about the name itself, it’s about the fact that my husband didn’t stand up for me at all or even consider my feelings.
I feel like everyone’s against me, like they all think it’s no big deal and that I’m overreacting.
But to me, it feels like they took something really personal and meaningful. I was so upset I even stormed out at night when we fought with my husband and felt like nobody was on my side.
Am I really being that unreasonable? It hurts so much to feel like my feelings just don’t matter to them. I just want to know if anyone else would feel as hurt as I do.
—EDIT—
This is my little sister’s story as one commenter mentioned here that i have posted 5 years ago with the same age.
We are not from English speaking country and she doest know english very well and was terrorizing our mom me and her husband since the baby was born and i wanted to show her perspective of 3rd party people who don’t know personally anyone, thank you all!
YTA
You cant ‘hold’ a name for a future unborn child.
People will use the name they like and you get absolutely zero input in that.
From what I understand, OP, you’re not even pregnant yet. If and when you are lucky enough to have a little boy you can also use the same name.
I think you’re being incredibly dramatic about this whole thing . You may have mentioned your dream name around the family a few times? So what?
They are not disrespecting you, they may or may not have even registered that you mentioned the name or how important it was to you . And even if they did, they can choose a name that they want to. They actually have a baby ready to receive the name.
I’m not saying that your feelings aren’t valid. I’m just saying that you should explore why you are feeling like this because it seems hugely out of proportion to the actual situation.
Lots of cousins have the same names in fact in some cultures it’s incredibly common . So if you still love the name, if and when you have a baby boy, you can also use it.
Names are just labels . Every human is uniquely wonderful.
YTA. You don’t own the name. You’re not even assured you will have a child let alone a boy.
YTA
Your husband can’t push anyone into changing a baby name. And did you really expect your SIL, moments post birth, to remember or care about a name you have in a list for when you maybe have children several years from now?
You are being completely unreasonable and I question if you should be married. You don’t sound like you have the maturity to be in a marriage.
Yta! You have no baby on the way, you do not own the name and you are this mad and hurt that you stormed out at night because your husband didn’t defend your insanity?
Yta no one needs your permission to use a name and no one owns names. Use the same name for your future kid if you want as it’s your choice.
YTA. Nobody owns a name.
Sorry YTA…you can’t own a name and I would’ve not expected my partner to say no to a name considering your not even pregnant. He would’ve sounded ridiculous and its not fair to be pissed at him about it.
YTA. You and your husband are in your early 20s and by your own admission you’re “not having kids any time soon”. You’ll probably change your mind on names a million times before you even consider having kids, if you even do (and if you’re even still together) – you’re practically kids lol.
You can’t just reserve a name, especially one as common as James, on the off-chance that you eventually, perhaps, maybe, one day, decide to have a child with your current partner and it ends up being a boy.
YTA. You can’t call dibs on a name. You’re not even pregnant. They actually **had** a baby.
If a name is special to you, then don’t tell anyone. But getting in a fight with your husband cuz he didn’t ask his brother to pick a different name for the kid cuz you **really** want to save that name for your *potential* future son is really unhinged.
YTA
If the name you liked is as common as the two you used here (James and Liam), there is NOTHING “personal” about it, and you haven’t shown us why it’s especially “meaningful.”
You can’t gatekeep baby names
Besides, in my family, my brother and two cousins have the same first name, and it’s never been a problem for us
YTA and I think you accidentally used the real name?
If you did and it’s Liam, that is an incredibly popular name and your child will likely not be the only Liam in his classes.
YTA. You mentioned the name once or twice to family, I assume that includes your husband. It is unreasonable to think your husband knows how important the name is based on “mentioning “ it a couple of times. Also, you say you aren’t close to starting a family, so you have no right to claim sole ownership of a baby name for a baby you might never have. Also, sounds like the in-laws didn’t ask your husband for permission to use that name, they named the baby and then told your husband, it isn’t your or your husband’s place to tell other parents what they are allowed to name their kids.
Have you found the fountain of youth perchance? According to your account you were also 21F **5 years ago.**..
YTA, since you don’t own a name.