Context: we’ve been best friends for 20 years, but the last few years I’ve been feeling very judged and uncomfortable with how she talks to me, especially as I’m one of her only friends because she constantly losing friends.
I have also dreamt/been talking about moving to the UK for years but circumstances in work meant I kept pushing back a leaving time.
My best friend got engaged Dec 2024, by which point I’d already decided that I was going to move overseas in 2026 once I had completed a year in my promotion at work.
She told me that the wedding would likely be in 2027, so I figured I’d have returned in time anyway, but then the wedding date became November 2026.
I told her that I’d still be moving but that I’d spend thousands of dollars to fly back for the wedding/shower/hens and that I’d be able to complete my MOH duties in the year before I left. She initially broke down, told me I’d betrayed her trust and had potentially ruined the friendship. After a few months we sorted things out and since then she’s bought her dress/veil, we’ve organised bridesmaids/hens/shower/everything for DIY, thrown the DIY engagement party and more. (Additionally, at her engagement party my BF of 6 months did all the photography for her for free, even though they’d only met once before, because her dad agreed to do it and then backed out on the day).
This month I’m run off my feet, having finished a very intense job last year, trying to recover from burnout, pack up my life, help my parents move house, say goodbye to friends and continue to help her with the wedding, and I’m leaving in 2 weeks.
I spent two full days with her finalising the details of the tasks I was assisting with and made a plan for the future, at the end of which she said she was happy with everything. However, she then also talked at me for an hour late at night about how even though she doesn’t know him that well she has “a bad gut feeling” about my BF, interrogated me about our relationship and his past relationships, and even after telling her I think this is the person I will marry, she also told me that he may not be invited to the wedding.
We were supposed to go shoe shopping yesterday after work but I had to pull out because I got held back at a final shift at work, and after saying I’d check my calendar as to whether I could squeeze her in on Sunday she told me not to worry and she’d go with someone else because “I’m leaving her no choice and what other solution is there?”
I understand that she’s upset and finds it difficult with me moving overseas in the year lead up to the wedding but I’m getting tired of her attitude and judgement of my life choices (which is a constant thing in my work/life/friendship/living/past relationships), and just telling me she’s right and expecting me to drop everything to work around her schedule and when I don’t berating me about how betrayed she feels.
Maybe AITA, & I’m oversensitive, but I don’t really want to be part of this wedding anymore
Nta – if she’s rethinking inviting your partner – your ok rethinking your attendance.
Amongst all the other stuff too
NTA doesnt seem like much of a friend. (Maybe that is why she doesnt have that many). You should focus on your new job.
NTA. If you let her know soon she can find someone else. Guessing she probably doesn’t have anyone else by the way you describe her.
NTA. Her attitude with you is exactly why she keeps losing friends. You’re just the only one who seems to put up with her shit. She’s trying to keep you for herself and alienate you from others by doing what she always has — guilting and manipulating you. I wouldn’t just back out of the wedding, I would drop her entirely.
My best friend of 20 years moved across the country and were excited if we have a chance to meet up in a parking lot and catch up for an hour when she comes back home. We talk when we can, and nothing will ever change between us because *we’re best friends*.
NTA – she isn’t your friend…
NTA. Just tell her that you want her to find an MOH who has more time and can better accommodate her schedule. Do it now, so she has maximum time to find someone else. And don’t think twice. You have been more than accommodating.
NTA. Yes, just tell her that you are no longer able to fulfill the MOH role and are resigning. You do not need to justify or explain as doing so will only give her points to argue. Just resign and leave it at that. She doesn’t seem to be much of a friend but a manipulative person, controlling person.
Take the actions that benefit you and your life. Stop twisting yourself into knots to accommodate her and stressing out yourself. Good luck with your move and oops, missing that wedding.
NTA. Why are you even friends with this unappreciative person? Tell her you can no longer fulfill your MOH duties and let her find someone else to take advantage of. You’ve already done a ton of the work.
I think give her the option of you pulling out… meaning is there someone else that can do the job better than you locally? Good on you for moving and spreading your wings… she should be happy for you rather than putting up barriers.