Hi! I’m a 17 year old Senior High School Filipina student who is nearing graduation (3 and a half months) and currently in the process of applying to college. I’ve already gone through my admissions in De La Salle University Diliman, Polytechnic University of the Philippines, and Department of Science and Technology (Scholarship).
I’m arranging my requirements with University of Santo Tomas and Ateneo (my dream school).
I’m weighing down my options in college since I still have 3-6 months in figuring out where I would like to go. I’ve already talked with my dad in going to Manila for College especially housing in a dorm type arrangements. He already gave me his blessing the day before after constant rejection of it being too far away and an emergency happens in either me or my parents… I get his point in that and currently feeling guilty now since I’ve had my talk with my sister (27F) telling me that I should not pursue it due to my dad being sad.
I just felt my heart breaking at that point because I’m basically choosing my home or my dream. I know it’s not the end of it all and currently arranging for DLSU-D. I’ve already finished for KLD application… Any thoughts?
I’d probably give in but it’s just– a bit unfair. We, Filipinos of course are clingy to our parents vise versa but this is a chance for independence in my part… I’m aiming for scholarship so that they won’t have to worry and I can quietly fulfill my plans for myself there (aspiring actress). I know that I’m only yet experiencing life and this is quite literally in the beginning and my parents are getting older as well so I get their side too.
Am I the Asshole? Any advise or criticism is welcome.
NTA for wanting to be your own person and pursue your own dreams. I’m in the US, so there is a massive cultural difference. What I would say is talk to a few adults you trust that are outside of your home. You have gotten the family perspective, you need an outside the family perspective that is in the same culture to understand if Dad being “sad” is enough reason to give things up.
Op will be sad for the rest of their life if they cannot go to the school they want to go to.
Your parents have valid concerns. However, your dreams are also valid. Could you come up with a safety plan? Maybe check in with them daily? Do you have a way to support yourself and be able to travel home for breaks or in case of an emergency? If you don’t, could you work that into your plans? Your father must have realized that it means a lot to you or he wouldn’t have agreed, so the beat thing to do would be have an open conversation and work with him/them to come up with a solution that fits both of your needs.
It is normal for parents to feel sad when their children leave for college. They adapt. Just make sure to stay in touch a lot. Do not clip your wings. This is your one life. NTA
I feel like I maybe should not comment since it’s a different country/culture, with different standards and norms. But what the heck – I’ve given the disclaimer.
Especially at this time of your life, you need to follow your dreams and wants, within reason and practicality. They should support you. The world is also a lot closer now.
Thank you for engaging anyway– that’s what I thought as well but sadly (in this context) one of my cultures upholding value is prioritizing your parents. Which I’m not opposed to– really, I’ve grown up with loving parents. I guess it’s just my time to go, I want to experience things like making my dream come true and retire my parents early. Only time will tell, if they manage to change their opinion on it.. thank you for this. I’ve been crying for the past hour since I didn’t get to let out my emotions the time that the news was given to me.
I get it – it’s not easy making the big choices, and…in the words of Dylan…every pleasure has an ounce of pain, so punch your ticket and don’t complain. Good luck.
Think of it this way – if you go to a good university, you’re more likely to end up with a good career that pays better. This will give you more stability. In time, that means you’ll be better able to support your parents as they age. Your making a decision that will be difficult now will give you the opportunity to do more for them in time. You are being a good daughter thinking of their old age and their needs – it just happens to also align with what you want as well. It will be temporary difficulty for long-term benefit.
NTAH. Live your dream. Whether you go or stay your parents are getting older. The experience of living away is priceless and will definitely put you in a better position to take care of them in the future if they need it. Congratulations 🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊
Dad might be sad and still understand pursuing your dream is the right thing. Parenthood is the most bittersweet thing people can do. The goal is to raise full adults and the price is they go where they want and need to go.
NTA
Live your life.
Call, text, etc. often.
NTA. Follow your dream and enjoy this time in your life. You won’t get this chance again. Your parents will feel sad… watching kids flee the nest is really sad and scary. They shouldn’t put this heavy weight on you though. That’s not fair. Chase your dreams and they will need to learn to adapt.
Your dad gave his blessing, and that is the more important part. Your sister’s input is unnecessary and wasn’t requested. As a parent of a teen, we can be both excited for you and encouraging of this new step *AND* sad that our babies are growing up and moving on. Both things can be true at the same time.
NTA. Have an amazing time at college, and don’t forget to work hard and call your family.