About two and half years ago my bf moved into my house with me. We both work from home — I’m an artist and he resells stuff. I make a lot more money than he does (he wont tell me exactly how much he makes so I’m not quite sure how big the difference is), and as such I only ask for him to pay about $600/mo, about 20% of our monthly living costs (rent, utilities, groceries, etc). \*\*\*EDIT TO CLARIFY when we first started dating he had his own apartment and paid 600/mo for rent, which he said was about his max. I own my house. When he moved into my house we agreed he could keep paying the same price, but to me instead. I myself am very private about my income, and I respect the privacy of others. I had expected that over time he would open up — but I’m pretty sure his reluctancy to do so is a shame issue. Both of our incomes vary greatly (the nature of art and resell), but if I had to estimate I probably make 3x what he does. When we rented the apartment, I made sure it was within my personal budget that I could cover all costs by myself, if need be. I don’t mind paying a bit more than he does, and I do believe that he could not truly afford much more. That is not the issue here — this issue is how the space should get distributed when one partner pays much more. We have had many conversations – calm discussions- we don’t fight, we discuss, but we can’t seem to come to a solid agreement on this one.
We recently decided we wanted to live in the city settled on a 2bdrm in an upscale high-rise apartment right downtown. \*\*EDIT TO CLARIFY, I’m renting out my house, we got tired of living in the middle of nowhere and wanted to be in the city. Easy choice\*\* Our monthly costs have now more than doubled, and we agreed he could still pay just $600/mo. We agreed we would both separately get places for our businesses and not bring work home. He did — kind of. The place he got doesn’t have electricity, so he will still need to print at home, and take pictures at home — which means he needs space.
I wanted to use the 2nd bedroom as a closet. I’ve always dreamed of having a whole room closet. He talked me out of it before we even moved in — saying we needed the space for games and his stuff (he likes to keep a lot of stuff — i wanted to get rid of the games and not bring extra stuff \*\*EDIT TO CLARIFY we had about 50+ board games that we never play, he has a lot of collections (think miniatures) – we definitely both got rid of a lot of other "stuff" to downsize, we both made many sacrifices and had many discussions — we’re just down to the last items\*\*\*. Now that he needs to do work at home he has taken that room over as his business room. I told him I didn’t feel like it was fair since I pay most of the bills. \*\*\*This is not some life-altering disagreement. Its a slight misalign and annoyance for both of us because we usually can come to solid agreements.\*\*\* AITA?
You didn’t have a conversation before moving? Y’all are both dumb if you think reselling is a job
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NTA – But he’s walking all over you, just think he’s paying $600 while you handle the lion’s share of all the bills AND he gets the second bedroom….. How in the world does this benefit you?
AND she doesn’t even know how much he makes. It could be close to how much she makes. It really doesn’t seem fair at all.
YTA for allowing him to only pay 20% and to walk all over you. He did not even hold up his agreement to get an appropriate business space. He sounds like a complete user.
NTA for expecting what is rightfully yours (you pay 80%, you deserve the second bedroom)
NTA
NTA but you should have settled this before moving in.
Why are you paying a majority of rent when he is unwilling to disclose how much he makes? This is not normal behavior for two romantic partners living together.
This right here unless he is willing to drag every financial document out for inspection it is now 50/50 or he moves out. But honestly this doesn’t sound like a good man at all and I would not put up with any of his shit, he would have been long gone by now if this was me.
He’s not willing to say how much he makes because he makes way more than she thinks and doesn’t want to have to contribute more to the rent.
Yup. My “absolute max” for rent was never just based on income. I could’ve had my own place since I turned 26 if I wanted. But I wasn’t going to blow all my money on rent.
I don’t trust his verbiage. I hope OP takes this as the wake up. This guy isn’t pulling his weight, he’s withholding information when they essentially combined finances.
You have bigger problems. You have been living together for two and half years, and he doesn’t feel comfortable to tell you how much he earns? The lack of transparency is a red flag.
The fact that he goes back on the agreement, brings work into the home and is unwilling to compromise, is a pattern of bad behaviour.
You need to take a stand because they are walking all over you.
(In my opinion a whole room as a closet is excessive, but having additional wardrobe in the room seems reasonable.)
He probably makes way more than she thinks, me thinks.
YTA. You let him pay only 20%. Now he is paying less than 10%. Also wants more out of the apartment than you. He’s exploiting you and you are letting it happen.
Oh right since the costs doubled. Wow. Yea, OP – seriously rethink what you’re doing here. Not saying you should break up but he is completely taking advantage of you and y’all aren’t even married!
ESH. Why don’t you know how much he makes? How can you divide household costs that way? How do you even know that he earns less than you do?
This sounds so dysfunctional that I can’t even start to think about the debate about the second bedroom. Yes, money definitely plays a part in how that should be solved. Honesty plays a part in it, and right now you have none.