i’m honestly stressed about this and need outside opinions.
we were planning a group trip and talked about vietnam or thailand in our gc. one friend said she was going. because flights were cheap at the time, i booked her ticket under her name. i didn’t think it would be an issue because she already said yes.
after the booking, she suddenly backed out and doesn’t want to pay her ticket. she said it’s because of money, personal issues with another friend in the group, and also because she didn’t like the city that was booked. then she suggested that we should split or shoulder the cost of her ticket.
i said no. i don’t think it’s fair that i end up paying for someone else’s ticket just because they changed their mind after it was already booked.
now she’s saying she didn’t clearly consent to booking right away and thought the trip was still far off, even though she did say she was going. for me, once a ticket is booked under your name, that responsibility is yours.
to make it more complicated, another friend owes her money equal to the ticket price. i asked that money to be held for now because otherwise i’d be the one losing money here. she reacted like she was being coerced into paying for her ticket.
i feel like i’m being made responsible for a decision i didn’t make for myself. am i wrong for standing my ground and refusing to pay for her ticket?
edit**
to clarify a few things that keep coming up:
we’ve traveled together multiple times before (2 international trips and several domestic trips). in those trips, i’m usually the one who handles booking because i tend to find cheaper fares, and a “yes” in the group chat has always meant we were okay to proceed once i shared the cost.
before booking this ticket, they already gave me their details for booking purposes and also updated the group chat with the route and price and called the group. no one objected or said they weren’t ready financially at that time, including her.
we discussed vietnam or thailand, and vietnam was chosen because it was cheaper. we didn’t lock in a specific city beforehand because vietnam has multiple options, and i booked whichever route had the lowest fare, which is what we’ve always done on past trips.
edit / update:
after reading all your opinions, i get where people are coming from. even though this is how we’ve done things on past trips, i should’ve made the confirmation more explicit before booking. lesson learned on my end. 🥲
and it’s best thing to not book tickets for anyone anymore unless we’re family or couple, even with friends i’ve traveled with before. if i ever book for someone again, it’ll only be after a very clear “yes, please book this for me.”
thanks 🫡
additional context / clarification:
one thing i’m struggling with is the inconsistency in her reasons over time. initially, she said she was going and even said she would pay for the ticket, which is why i booked it (it was also something she’d said was a dream trip for her). for about a month after the booking, there was no issue raised about payment.
later on, after personal conflict came up with another friend in the group, she said she no longer wanted to go. after that, she said she could still travel, just not with this group. then later, she also said she didn’t like the city that was booked.
that shift is what makes this difficult for me — it feels like the reasons changed over time, but the ticket obligation stayed the same.
i’m not saying her personal issues aren’t valid. my question is whether personal conflict or a change of preference removes responsibility for a ticket that was already booked and initially agreed to be paid for.
Did you check with the friend and confirm she wanted the ticket purchased before you bought it? Or did she just say she was down to go in the chat and you took it upon yourself to jist buy the tickets?
Ah it depends. Did she explicitly ask you to book the ticket or was that something you chose to do?
Edit to YTA after OP confirmed that the friend didn’t have all the info before they booked the flights.
INFO: did she have all of the details before you paid for the ticket? Eg the date, the city, when the flight would be, how much the flight cost, how much everything else was likely to cost? Or did she just agree to some general idea like “it would be cool to go to Thailand this year”?
After reading quickly, you shouldnt buy tickets for people unless you have communicated that very clearly, there is a big diffrence between “hell yea lets go” and “Ive thought this through and im ready to spend the money on this”
Communication friend
It really depends on the conversation. Was it “he we’re going on a trip wanna come?” Or lots of discussion and then “I’m booking today, cost is xyz. Please confirm”
>one friend said she was going. because flights were cheap at the time, i booked her ticket under her name. i didn’t think it would be an issue because she already said yes
Saying yes to going on a trip does not mean “go ahead and buy a ticket for me.”
Try to find someone else who can go in her place, and if that doesn’t work out, eat the money, and learn a valuable lesson about needing to get things explicit in writing.
The way you presented these facts, YTA for assuming.
YTA. Someone agreeing to go to a trip does not mean they consent to you buying a flight ticket on their behalf. She never told you to. You took it upon yourself to buy it for her. Flights are one of those things each person should buy on their own unless they’re family or a couple.
And what if you saw a cheap flight, but she saw an even cheaper flight? She never told you to buy her ticket and you cost her money in this situation. Would you refund her?
Unless it was explicitly communicated that you had her permission to buy a ticket on her behalf (including an agreed upon repayment plan), YTA.
YTA: She never asked you to purchase a ticket for her. You are not her travel agent; the fact that you would book a plane ticket for someone with them asking is just weird.
Like, what if she wanted to pay with her credit card or use her airplane miles or something? What you did was weirdly presumptuous.
YTA – It sounds like you booked the ticket without asking that your friend wanted you to do so. Then you coerced someone else to withhold money from them. You should eat the cost because it’s your fault.
YTA. Maybe actually confirm the details before booking??
YTA you jumped the gun on buying tickets and the cost is yours to bear.
YTA. Saying she’s going in the group chat is different from saying yes, I’ll pay an agreed amount for a flight to a specified location. You should have texted her to confirm before booking. Also YTA for getting in the middle of another friend and her owning money to each other, one thing doesn’t have anything to do with the other. Cancel the flight and use the credit for yourself later.
***”i booked her ticket under her name. i didn’t think it would be an issue because she already said yes.”***
\—Yes to going in general or yes with express language to purchase a ticket to the exact location?
***”she did say she was going.”***
\—That is vague and isn’t a green light to purchase tickets in their name.
***”for me, once a ticket is booked under your name, that responsibility is yours.”***
\—Your subjective perspective is irrelevant. This is only true if you acted as their agent with express consent to make a purchase under the other person’s name.
“another friend owes her money equal to the ticket price. i asked that money to be held for now because otherwise i’d be the one losing money here.”
\—Even is express permission for that exact purchase was made, you have zero authority to try to encumber third party held funds.
If you were clear that the exact tickets for that exact date to the exact location were to be purchased and she actually consented to that purchase, you would have told us something to that effect. Instead we got the these weasel words. It appears that YTA.