My mom asked me to move back in with her after she received a call from the apartment complex office that she’s no longer eligible to live there because she lives by herself in a 2 bedroom as a fulltime college student with no income (other than the financial aid refund she got). I agreed, as it would benefit me in a way because I was paying $1,600 plus utilities and with my mom I’d be paying the rent of only $1,032 with heat included.
However, my coworker’s roommate will likely be moving out in May and my always had the idea of us being roommates and we know each other well enough. And my rent would only be $450 with everything included.
I really want things to work with my mom but I kinda don’t like being home sometimes. I’m trying to be patient but sharing my mom’s bed in her room every night feels kind of suffocating and I only wear my work clothes because all of my belongings except my keys, purse, socks, and work clothes and pair of sneakers are away in storage and my storage unit is the tiniest and I’m paying $99.97 a month for it. My mom was a fulltime student and had finals around the time I moved in in December, and now we’re in the middle of February and I still don’t have a room cleared out for me as it was used for her own storage.
I feel like there’s not really any room for my stuff, included in the fridge or freezer. I only eat dry stuff like instant stuff like noodles, which is fine because I mostly only eat that anyway. But the freezer is completely full and so is the fridge so I couldn’t bring frozen stuff or cold stuff even if I wanted to.
My mom gets mad at me anytime I ask when the room would be cleared out for me and it gets into a a very nasty emotional argument and she takes it very personally that I’m rushing her and I’m not patient and don’t care about her.
NTA. You mother needs to figure out her own living situation. I would have refused from the start if I didn’t have my own bed and room. If your mother invited you, that should have been figured out before you arrived.
Go move in with your friend. Let your mom figure her own stuff out.
Info – I’m confused. The reason you moved back in was because your mom needed a 2nd tenant in the apartment so she could remain living in a 2-bedroom apartment. If her apartment has 2 bedrooms why don’t you each have your own separate rooms and why are you having to share a bed???
Sounds like your mom may be a hoarder, which is a genuine mental health disorder related to OCD. If so, I genuinely feel bad for her, but unless she gets legitimate treatment she will just drag you down into the mess and insanity. NTA.
Nta. But I don’t understand why you would even put yourself in that situation to begin with.
NTA
if your mother wants you to live with her, she has to clear space for you, period
You don’t have to be uncomfortable all the time, because she’s the one that has to move out
NTA. Your mom is a grown adult and so are you. She’s putting you in an unfair position that seems to only benefit her. Move in with your coworker. Sounds like a better situation for you, and your mom will figure out what she needs to
NTA. Does the complex provide 1BR apartments and if so, can they get your mom on the list for one? If not, you need tell her that she needs to make arrangements to move. I’d aid in trying to find a place that is suitable for her because what is she going to do when you’re gone?
Nta just tell her the room needs to be cleaned by a certain date or you will be moving out. Don’t argue, just let her know then go to work. When she starts just be quiet
NTA You are paying less than your current place to not have your own space even though there is enough space. Your mom gets angry and gaslights you but you don’t even have space in the refrigerator. You have the option of living with someone you want to live with, have your own space and pay considerably less rent. Your mom is a grown woman and needs to figure it out. If you are worried about her, help her find another place but don’t live with her. It’s ok
NTA. She is your mom, not your kid. Get out and live your life.
Not the ah move out and let her know you are leaving.
NTA, this just sounds unhealthy to me in so many ways.
She sounds super abusive.
I’ve dealt with a mother like this my entire life and I’m in my 50s. It will suck but you’ve got to make a clean break. She will guilt you, freak out, get emotional, probably bad mouth you to everyone who will listen, but by now, people know who she is. Focus on you. Give her notice and just keep it casual. Text something like “Hey, I’ve signed a lease and I’ll be moving out by March 1, wanted to make sure you knew so you can make other arrangements.”
Don’t re-litigate your previous arguments. She knows how you feel and she knows what you’ve requested and that she hasn’t make a single move to respect those requests. So she’s basically said no, she’s unwilling to make actual room for you, but she’s happy to take your help and money. F all of that. You deserve to live in a space where you feel comfortable and autonomous and she has no right to take those things from you as you make your way in this world as an adult. Keep it brief, casual (ignore her emotional outbursts), and steadfast. Make the choice, stick by it, and move on. If that means you’re on a couch somewhere because she kicks you out in the meantime, OK. You’ll be so much better for it if you break away now.