This friend and I have a long complicated history and we’re finally on good terms this year, even though it feels different. I’ve tried to mend the friendship and have shown effort on several occasions. This year, she invited me to her 30th birthday. I am not a fan of her friend group (they used to be my friend group) and I’ve cut them off for years. There is no malice towards them, but they make me feel uncomfortable every time I’m with and around them.
I told the friend I wasn’t free, but I’d love to take her out on a birthday date and buy her a meal. But then shortly after she iced me out. She never told me the reason why, but I’m assuming it’s because of this. AITA?
NTA. You declined with a good reason (not free) and offered to celebrate her birthday by treating her to a birthday date. You might talk to your friend, because maybe there is a different reason she is icing you out.
NTA for not wanting to spend your time with people who don’t make you feel good. You get to choose the company you keep and who is allowed your time. It is stated that you said you weren’t available and offered an alternative to spend time with her.
NTA but honestly it sounds like this friendship has run its course tbh serial ask yourself why you are still friends with this person?
I would think that most people would be delighted to attend their friend’s birthday celebration. If you aren’t, think about why. These are momentous celebrations. Tell her you want to find another way to celebrate.
If you feel the friendship is worth it, go for a little, and leave as soon as you feel uncomfortable. Your friend will appreciate it. You have no other plans,(at this point) so why not?
If you make this “sacrifice ” and she doesn’t appreciate it, take a good look at this friendship.
NTA. Just because you guys are back to friends, doesn’t mean you’re obligated to go to her party, especially where you would feel uncomfortable. Does she know you cut them off? Kind of seems suspicious if that were the case.
Yes but with the caveat that I would do the same thing.
BUT if it’s not too late i would think you’d have fun if you went, I’m sure inviting you was discussed with your old friends too.
If it’s just a set up then you can just leave but I don’t think someone would sabotage their birthday just to be that petty (and if they are id assume you wouldn’t be bothering with the friendship at all)
NAH but your friend may be feeling rejected or interpreting your decline to mean you aren’t really interested in mending the friendship.
NTA. You offered a perfectly good alternative celebration. If you weren’t going to be comfortable with this friend group then they didn’t really want you there either, even if your friend did. They should be understanding of that.
NTA. You’re not required to spend time with people you’re not interested in. You made a nice counter-offer. If she’s icy, that’s on her. Frankly, this friendship may not be worth keeping.
NTA. You offered an alternative that showed you still care. Not your fault if that upset her.
for context: why are you not friends with that group anymore?
NTA. The friends you no longer want to have a relationship who will be at the party will be problematic, yes? That could just cause trouble for her at her birthday celebration. Who wants that?
If she ices you out, she’s not worth having a relationship anyway.
Some friendships, even those that have been around for a long time, run their course and they end. As time goes by, we change the other person changes. It’s just a fact of life. You are NTA, don’t worry about the birthday and just move on.