backstory: i’ve never liked to have attention on myself (25F) and my boyfriend (22M) is the same way. I’m an only child and he is the oldest of two brothers.
so here’s my conflict as we have discussed getting engaged and the pros/cons of eloping or having a wedding. my dad passed away 10 years ago and i feel like weddings, although are solely ab the bride and groom, are very parent centered as well. so for me, not having someone to walk me down the isle and not having a father daughter dance when his side would be doing those things are a hard thought for me bc ik all i’ll be thinking about is how i can’t do that.
another con is the fact that we both just do not like to have full attention on us in large crowds. we’ve both struggled with public speaking classes or even just a presentation in school and the thought of people watching us gives us both the ick.
info: the worry of us coming across as assholes comes from us taking a trip out west (US) to Nevada and going to Las Vegas earlier this month. my family had made jokes at christmas about us getting married out there by Elvis and my grandma texted me to “have fun, be safe, and let us know if you get married by elvis.” i told my mom this as a joke and she stated “well that wouldn’t be very nice” and now her comment has me thinking about how my boyfriend’s family would also react. he and i both don’t want a huge to do about it in general, but i know they would be upset and our families would guilt us both about getting married and not having them there or having an “actual wedding”. i know a wedding should be what he and i want, but i also don’t want to deal with the “woe is me” “we should’ve been there” we’d both get from our families if we did elope like we’ve been talking about.
so.. aita if we do elope without telling anyone?
NTA, but be aware of the long term impact that this may have on your future husband’s side of the family. You may not have any family that would attend, but he might.
NTA, you are both grown adults capable of making your own decisions; that is with or without their input. Family most importantly should always try to be supportive of your decisions, even if they don’t necessarily agree with them.
The only caveat is don’t keep it a secret after the fact, do what you gotta do and own it.
NTA, but why not a compromise? Elope, but have a wedding reception or dinner with family to celebrate when you get back home?
i’ve also thought about this!
Our compromise was we paid for a photographer/videographer.
We didn’t want attention, and a dinner or reception would have still been attention. But with the professional footage our families were happy.
NTA, the wedding is about you and your partner, do what makes you happy!
NTA, but do consider a compromise if you can.
Sometimes just immediate family, maybe at home, can be something parents and grandparents are OK with. No walking down the aisle, no big reception, but still something they can come be part of.
If not, well, it’s your wedding so you get to say how it happens =)
ESH. I dunno, if we are unwilling to talk to someone and/or we believe that talking to them will only result in guilt/negativity, why do we care what they think?
Just seems like this circular argument of folks doing things they don’t want to do to appease people whose feelings/concerns you don’t actually care about cause if you did you’d just talk to them about it.
If you elope, you elope. Reasonable people will be reasonable, insufferable people will be insufferable, life will move on.
NTA – do what YOU and BF want to do. Ignore the rest.
No one can make you feel guilty – only YOU control how you react to other people’s actions.
You are NTA but there will be hurt feelings.
Have you considered a very small, intimate ceremony perhaps with a meal afterwards? That might be a comfortable middle ground. But do as you feel best.
nah
You can have whatever wedding you want but I would expect there will be blowback from family
The definition of elope means to secretly runaway to marry. Make a decision and own it. NTA
NTA
telling everybody after it is done to avoid drama is the whole point of eloping.
**go for it.**
NTA. Why? It is only your lives together. If you WANT people there, then you get to make that choice. If you want to elope, then you get to make that choice. Make the choice you both want!