My housemate neighbour is a light sleeper and often complains about noise. We live in separate rooms, but the wall between us is quite thin. I love listening to music and have to HiFi speakers that I use. I understand of course at night I can’t play (loud) music and so I don’t do that. But he will complain about normal volume music even during the day because "he’s reading and has to read in silence". On top of that, he will complain instantly whenever he finds it too loud, instead of waiting for maybe 20 minutes to see if it’s just temporary (that’s what I’d do if I find my roommate’s noise disturbs me during normal hours). Regardless, I agreed to lower my music volume in general when he’s home.
But then, when I’m talking in my room at night while gaming (normal, soft conversational tone) and says he can hear it and can’t sleep because of it while wearing earplugs. Thing is, I’m also a light sleeper, I sleep with earplugs every night because my room is on the side of the street and without them I, too, can’t sleep. But personally I don’t hear shit with them in, like literally only my alarm. They’re never uncomfortable, and they were like 10 bucks, so I don’t know why his earplugs don’t even block someone talking softly in a different room. I really don’t know what else I can do. I really do reduce my speaking volume at night, but I have a deep voice which I just can’t change. I won’t agree to not talking on voice chat or being completely silent at late hours (e.g. 1am) because I’m a night owl and that just sounds ridiculous to me. Our house is old and the wall between our rooms is quite thin, but I’m also in my own right do do what I want in my room as long as it’s not overly loud or disturbing. IMO, If you want complete silence, don’t live in a shared house. As long as you live in a shared (student) house you cannot expect complete silence from roommates.
YTA if you wanna be loud at night it’s up to you to soundproof the room as best as possible. Sound dampening panels can be bought for pretty cheap, even the ones from Amazon work pretty well.
Also, wear headphones. I realize I might be very strict about this because I’m German but it’s just not cool to listen to music loudly if not everyone who hears it likes it or agrees to it. I bet your neighbors are annoyed as well.
I’m also a night owl and have insomnia, so I get wanting to live at night but you need to understand that most people aren’t that way and sleep is vital.
NTA. Your roommate needs to understand that compromise goes both ways and invest in some kind of noise cancelling situation that works for him.
You’re already turning down your music and talking more quietly. During normal hours, you’re within your rights to play music in your own room, at a reasonable (not loud) volume. At night, or in shared spaces, you should be using earbuds or headphones. You can only talk so quietly; if you’re being as quiet as you can without making it so whoever you’re gaming with can’t hear you, you’re doing your part.
Your roommate can’t expect total silence in a shared space, and if walls are thin, also not in his room much of the time. Wait until he tries living in an apartment building! If he needs total silence to read, he needs noise-cancelling headphones. He can use those along with a white noise generator.
As for sleeping hours, not everyone finds earplugs comfortable or even tolerable. They can create a sense of pressure in the ears for some people. It can also be hard to find earplugs that fit properly and don’t let noise in – size and shape of your ear canal matters. If he can’t find any that he likes, he could try sleeping in noise-cancelling headphones or there are companies that make sleeping headphones that he could try. The caveat here is that those things cost money, and he can’t be expected to spend money he doesn’t have, so the two of you might need to sit down and work out something that works for both of you.
This is the correct answer, OP.
YTA. Put in some earbuds if you want to listen to music.
NTA. You’ve done what you can. It’s his turn to toughen up.
ESH, he is an asshole for complaining about every little sound and probably should go to a doctor to get tested for misophonia, but just wear headphones man. It’s not that hard and would make things easier for everyone.
I do wear headphones sometimes, but I also regularly have friends over and will play music over speakers them, or listen to vinyl on my record player which I can only do over my speakers
If using the speakers are that important to you, then I would have a talk with your friend about having a planned time to use it so he knows not to be around. He’s not entirely wrong for wanting no music, especially since he seems neurodivergent with all his sensory needs. I know people who literally can’t get anything done if music is playing because it distracts them. If that’s the case for him and this is happening frequently, he’s probably frustrated as hell. I don’t think you should bend over backwards for him, but showing that you’re making an effort to accomodate him while making room for your own needs is how you be a good roommate. If his complaining persists after trying to compromise, tell him that he either sucks it up or finds somewhere else to live.
>I do wear headphones sometimes, but I also regularly have friends over and will play music over speakers them, or listen to vinyl on my record player which I can only do over my speakers
How late are these friends coming over, and how noisy is the environment? Because if these are late night meetings in your place, then it’s not surprising he can’t sleep through the noise.
ESH…
20 minutes of sustained noise isn’t temporary. It can be all the time someone has to eat, or get something done before bed, or before leaving for work. if it’s routinely full of someone else’s noise? Yeah, a reasonable person might get irritated.
Do your speakers either face or back up against the common wall between your rooms? Because if so, moving them so they back up to the exterior wall, if possible, would help the noise issue. You could still put yourself at the apex. And if that’s a serious problem, yeah, headphones.
Why don’t you get a pair of earbuds? Cheap ones are fine, I got great headphones off Amazon for $40. I wear mine all day and at night because I like to listen to things and my spouse doesn’t.
Why don’t you move to the kitchen if you want to play games late at night?
>But he will complain about normal volume music even during the day because “he’s reading and has to read in silence”
OK, that’s just BS – he can get earbuds/headphones/earplugs/whatever or go to the library.
>I won’t agree to not talking on voice chat or being completely silent at late hours (e.g. 1am) because I’m a night owl and that just sounds ridiculous to me.
Now you’re bringing the BS – 1am is not an unreasonable “quiet hours” request for a shared environment.
ESH – neither one of you seems interested in compromise.
NTA I agree that he can’t expect complete silence 24/7 in shared housing. If this is really a deal breaker and none of the noise cancellation stuff works for him he needs a different roommate that is more similar to him (likes silence, similar schedules) or he needs to live on his own.