I’m the youngest of five and have no kids of my own, but my four brothers and sisters all have many kids (4, 2, 2, 4), and those 12 nieces and nephews all have 8 kids of their own. We used to always buy presents for each other’s kids, so I naturally started getting gifts for their kids.
A few years ago, I realized that practically no gifts were opened at all… but I didn’t think much of it. The next year it happened again and I found out that my siblings got together and agreed that they would stop buying gifts for each other’s kids because our family was growing. They didn’t tell me and the only thing said was, “You just now realized it?”
I was a little upset they didn’t include me. But I get it, I don’t have any kids of my own, but I’ve always bought gifts and they know it.
The past couple years has actually lead to a few incidents of the kids crying because if I messed up in what they opened, then that was basically it for their Christmas at the family get together. They will still get gifts at their parents or grandparents home, but at our family Christmas? That’s all.
It feels like I’m carrying the family Christmas now. The kids are not to blame for their parents spending habits, I love them and always been happy making them happy, but now it feels like an obligation and it’s expected of me.
You are definitely not an asshole. You have no obligation to buy any gifts for your nieces & nephews at Christmas since its up to their parents. They have full resposability for their own kids.
Your hard earned money should be prioritized on things **you** want and not anyone else.
NTA. But those parents are for not teaching gift opening etiquette. Everything opened should be met with happiness and thankfulness, even if it’s not “what they wanted”.
That’s how I was taught. Always be grateful for whatever you get (with a very few hyper-specific exceptions). I was always taught it was less about the presents and more about the time spent together. Later learned that our financial situation played a big part in that, but I did learn the importance of appreciating the gift and the gesture, even if it wasn’t exactly what I wanted. Also learned how to deal with disappointment without making it everyone else’s problem. Parents who don’t teach their kids how to do that are just setting them up for failure
NTA – If they’re getting gifts at other houses, you don’t need to “carry Christmas.” That said, if the family is that large, why not do a gift exchange where everyone draws a name? That way, each person buys and receives ONE gift. In my family, we made it into a huge game where gifts could be stolen after they were opened. It was always the highlight of the night. For the smaller kids, we played the saran wrap ball game and numerous others. There could be craft projects for the kids, family trivia for adults, the possibilities are endless. Everyone looked forward to this and it was more about family fun than about specific gifts from specific people.
Nta. If you want to buy them gifts, then do it, just dot do it out of supposed obligation
NTA
Quick message into the family group chat: hi everyone, following your decision not to purchase gifts for everyone I will be following suit, please let children know there won’t be any gifts coming this year, looking forward to celebrating family with you all.
The thing that stopped me in my tracks was that they didn’t tell you. I am also the youngest of five and I feel like I am the last to know anything. It’s really annoying.
NTA they absolutely should’ve told you when they decided to no longer exchange gifts. And when there’s that many people involved, it should be group gifts or draw names.
Stop buying them presents. That would have been a lot of gifts for everyone (for you to buy, and the parents to have to bring into their home). As a parent, it also sounds like a nightmare.
You feel it is on you to bring Christmas, but the soft truth you is that the ‘Christmas’ these kids celebrate is at their parents’ houses, not at your larger family gathering. If you are single or otherwise this is your primary ‘family Christmas’, it could be a matter of you viewing this event differently than the rest. If I’m following the lineage here, you are the great aunt to the kids?
If you like the gift giving and opening tradition, perhaps suggest a secret Santa. One gift brought and received for everyone. Or switch gears and bring a single new game for everyone to play. (not necessarily a boardgame, but activity)
NTA, but save your $. It’s not on you to buy gifts, and the kids are not doing without. They’re just doing it elsewhere, at another time
NTA if you stop. At all. You are not responsible for other people’s kids and it’s terrible that you’ve been put in this position.
NTA
If no one else is exchanging/giving gifts, then you should not be doing so either.
Get each kid a $10 Dairy Queen Gift Card in a card. Done
NTA
My husbands side of the family is large like yours and we used to do gifts for everyone until it got too big. We still do gifts for godparents/godchildren. We have Santa come and each family brings and gives gifts for their own kids to Santa, the kids sit on Santa’s lap and get their one gift, everyone’s happy and nobody other than the parents are responsible for buying gifts.
Don’t take the responsibility, they’re not your kids. If you feel the need to buy something, get them some sweets or a bar of chocolate? But you shouldn’t be carrying the burden yourself. That is so unfair and expensive for you. And they should have told you they were stopping it! That sounds odd and on purpose to be honest.