So ill try to keep it short. I (20F) live with my parents (62 M&F) in a house that my brother (\~33 M) bought for them.
I havent been feeling comfortable at home all my life, esp considering im a closeted lesbian and an atheist in a strictly islam household. Ive tried to shape myself into the mould they wished me to be but no matter what i would cry myself to sleep more than i wouldnt when at home.
my parents are a big burden to their children in my opinion. theyve been living off of state funds for most of their life after fleeing their home country (almost 22 years), only working a total of around 5-7 years. since my parents didnt know the language and bureaucracy here, it was my teenage siblings’ task to do the paperwork and help in the household financially. now our situation with money is more stable as both of my brothers (\~39 & \~33M) have well-paying jobs. both of my sisters (31 & \~37F) moved out after long periods of fighting with my parents.
idrk how to explain it but we have this certain atmosphere at home, where each step out of line is treated with something like a humiliation ritual. Whenever i do something my parents dont like (e.g. go to a concert, stay out too late) id be met with the worst stares and id usually have to endure an indirect lecture about it. on top of that i have bad mental health and my mother always held that against me, suffocating me by saying im hurting gods vessel (my body) and that its my fault.
now ive opened up abt wanting to move out because i feel so suffocated and unhappy at home and i need space and theyre kind of ganging up on me and pressuring me to make me stay at home, guilttripping me etc. theres a lot i could add to this but i hope this is enough to give u guys a general idea? i can feel myself caving in to their wishes which is why i need some outsiders opinions on this.
NTA you’re 20 do whatever you want
NTA. You’re an adult; you’re SUPPOSED to move out the house.
NTA. You don’t need their permission to move out and you’re obviously not going to get it. You’ve seen this happen with both of your older sisters, apparently. Learn from that. You don’t also personally have to endured years of fighting. You should move out, it’s logical and you’re right, and you should probably not talk about it anymore with your parents until you’re heading out to minimize the conflict.
NTA there’s a clear cultural conflict here in terms of faith, communication, and autonomy.
You’re going to have to decide if living with your parents – and all the stresses that come with that – is better or worse than being out on your own and the stresses that come with that.
Personally, for your mental and emotional well-being, I’d say move. Your parents aren’t going to be happy with that choice, but it seems like they’re already not happy with the choices you make, so at least if you’re out their disappointment will be “over there” and not directly in your face.
NTA for wanting to move out of that place!
You’re an adult. It’s time to move on. And it was always their job to take care of you, never your job to take care of them.
Oh hunny. NTA. Some cultures are incredibly limiting and smothering, and you clearly grew up on one of those. You are an adult, and live someplace (it sounds like you are in the US) where you can make different choices than the ones your parents made. It’s not your responsibility to live the way they want you to, or make the choices they’ve made for themselves. You don’t owe them that, even though they gave you life. That life comes with your own mind and will, no matter what they think or believe. Do what’s best for you, even if they don’t like it. You owe no one your life, it’s yours.
NTA You need to get away and start living your life for you. This means you may have to cut ties with some family. There may be some resources on Recovering from Religion [https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org/](https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org/) in regard to finding community, which is helpful when you don’t have the support of your family.
NTA You’re the child in this relationship, it’s not your responsibility to put your life on hold to take care of them. Move out and live your life in a way that makes you happy regardless of whether or not they approve
You only get one life. Live it your way and in peace. Your folks lives their life, now it’s your turn.
Girl get out of there ASAP. Find a roommate, don’t give them a chance to stop you. Stop talking about it and do it. You’ll be so much happier! NTA
You’re 20. You do not need any permission.
But if you want to avoid being guilt tripped, don’t say anything. Just collect your documents, change any usernames or pws they may know. And then leave
If you’re worried they might report you as missing, let your local police know too. NTA
Run!
Why (the fuck) would you ever care what these people think. Through their actions they have empirically proven that you cannot respect or trust them. That you likely love them is commendable, but is that the trauma talking, or some holdover that you should have let go of when they proved unreliable?
You can live with these people as roommates. It doesn’t sound like they’ve ever been parents; by parentifying their children and being spectators… but humans, as a rule, don’t like to relinquish power. Not any. You can not continue to let them have any power over you (that isn’t real.)