TLDR: My dad died on 9/11. I’ve gotten and am getting a significant amount of money for it. My friend told me exactly what I should and shouldn’t do with it. I think he’s the asshole for thinking he has any say in the matter, apparently he doesnt.
My dad died in 9/11. The US govt has set up the US victims of state sponsored terrosim fund which means I received a significant amount of money at the beginning of this year. Moving forward it means I’ll be receiving money for 9/11 (even all these yars later) until 2039. The 2026 payment will be significantly more than this year.
I don’t feel particularly entitled to it, but I’d be a real dumbass to turn away "free" money.
I’m a 37yo digital nomad and have worked two miserable jobs over the past five years. In July, I quit my job (was overworked, overstressed, underpaid, and had really bad burnout) so I can just enjoy life. Of course, I’m using that 9/11 money for living expenses at the moment.
One of my good friends (who works about five hours per week for himself), who I hadn’t seen in person for over a year and I went out to dinner. Before we had even gotten our food, he went into a lecture about how I should get a job and save this 9/11 money, so I "don’t make the same financial mistakes he made."
Didn’t ask me if I had a plan for it, didn’t ask if I had been job searching already, literally nothing. Then just went into a lecture. TBH, it feels like an ambush in that he clearly thought about it, waited for the right time and place, etc. That to me is like how you’d have an intervention for someone.
One of my VERY good friends (I personally think she’s just having a lapse of judgement here) has said things like "he didn’t know that was important to you" and "he’s old! Old people have no filters."
I think he WAY overstepped a boundary and got angry at him after the fact (a few days later, not during dinner). Apparently he thinks this is reasonable behavior.
Who’s the asshole here?
Where is the conflict?
Did you shout at your friend? Did you stab them? Call them racial slurs? Or were you just quietly angry?
Being quietly angry can’t make you an asshole. You need to explain what you said or did.
I mean, yes he has no say in what to do with your money.
But… He does have a point. You do sound clueless on what to do with the money and are just using it for normal expenses.
Is it a valid use? yes, however, someone way smarter than you could turn that big income injection into a huge savings account and retire super early.
If you wanna be dumb with your money, no one has a say in that.
In my opinion though, ESH.
Your friend has no say with your money, but you also suck for being so ignorant to the huge opportunity you have.
I agree. The friend is overstepping, but if OP should keep their financial matters closer to the vest, if they don’t want input like this. And you don’t have to take the advice. Many people offer advice because they care about a person and want them to avoid the mistakes they’ve made.
This is a fund that provides benefits for a limited amount of time. OP wouldn’t be the first person to squander a financial settlement. Perhaps they didn’t approach it in the best way, but it takes courage for someone to speak up like that.
I think that OPs reaction to the conversation kind of shows an amount of immaturity that is in alignment with the way he is treating his financial situation. It makes sense that OP would mistake his friends “should” (suggestion, paragraph 5) with a “need” (forced, title)
He’s looking out for you…
Don’t waste the opportunity to get ahead instead of just living
I don’t see a problem here. He gave you advice. You are overly sensitive.
NTA, but your friend shouldn’t know anything about your money. Learn to keep your mouth shut and avoid these situations altogether.
NAH. Long story, but the main point is that you got some unsolicited advice. It doesn’t sound like bad intent. He probably overstepped. The topic is sensitive. You might have overreacted. Listen to your very good friend.
I think your mistaken “told you what to do” with “giving you advice on what to do”. You said as such – in your 5th paragraph you said your friend said you “should get a job and save your money”. I mean, hell, even half the comments so far are “Tell him you have someone who is helping you manage your money” when you don’t, which tells me they all think you should have someone helping you manage your money.
So the question actually is, “AITA for getting mad at my friend on giving me financial advice?”
Sounds like a great friend.
So, this person is a friend close enough for you to share personal details like “I quit my job” and “I’m getting $XXXX from the government”, but they aren’t close enough to offer you advice?
That’s all they really did – offer advice – and you’re going full whiny-pouty about it, even to the point of shouting at them (as you mentioned in a later comment) and accusing other friends of having “lapses in judgment” because they don’t share your outrage?
Oh, yeah, YTA.
This, exactly… If you are close friends, he was giving advice. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
To be honest, you’re lucky your friend cares about you in that manner.
He gave you unsolicited advice, and your choice was to get defensive over it. That’s on you.
The truth is , he’s absolutely right.
When I was 18 I received a quarter million as a settlement from an auto accident. Everyone tried to tell me to be smarter with the money, but I didn’t care nor did I listen. A few years later, all the money was gone and 12 years later, how I treated that money is my only regret.
So you told your friend you’re getting a bunch of money, and then got mad when he made suggestions on what to do with said money.
And he’s not even like oh invest in this, he’s like don’t fuck up the way i did. You got mad at him for telling you to be financially smarter than he was (which tracks considering you currently don’t have a job and are living off that money) which fine, but if it runs out or medical expense happens you might sol and right back at square one
YTA for also yelling at him about it days after the fact. Instead of addressing it right then and there.
If you dont want people giving you unsolicited financial advice, dont talk finance with them.