Details chainged for privacy and using a throwaway
I’m mildly allergic to Cats, nothing serious but prolonged exposure will trigger some tight chested breathing and sneezing. My Brother and his partner are going to moving in and we’ll be living together in the family home. It’ll just be the three of us and their three cats, my Brother assured me many times that they won’t be my responsibility and we can condition them to leave my room alone etc etc.
Now this was fine in my eyes, we have air filters in the major rooms of the house and doors in every room to close and discourage the cats from entering. We’re getting close to the day they’ll move in with me and we got to discussing setting up the Litterboxes. One of them will go upstairs in a spare room which makes sense and is out of the way and they’ll both be automatic so it minimizes the smell and upkeep.
However my Brother informed me that we will be putting one in the Closet of the Office. The Office is a side room off the mainfloor where my PC and personal stuff is set up. I have models and figurines and a bunch of nerd shit and posters in there. Its essentially my space in the home and both my Brother and his Partner agreed that it would stay my space and it was clear this was not a problem for any of us.
I asked about putting the second box in the mud room downstairs, its too close to the front door and my Brother’s Partner is concerned the Cats being curious would try and run out of the door or get stepped on. I suggested the corner of the living room (we have a massive living room no exaggeration the house is old owned by a recently deceased family member and the living room must be 40ft by 25 but both of them said thats a main living space and it wouldn’t be polite for guests to have to deal with it. I could sense that it was a real point of tension and that neither of them were really going to budge so I relented to avoid an argument. My brother said once the basement was done he had no problem sticking the second box down there but thats a pretty nebulous window of time.
A few points of order, I have been living in and taking care of the house for the past few years as we navigate handling the estate of our deceased family member. I have done extensive paper work and admin work to facilitate this and get us to a position where we can live together comfortably. I have a great relationship with both my brother and their partner and we are able to openly communicate on most issues. The problem is when it comes to anxieties rational or otherwise my brother due to trauma that I won’t get into can’t really see reason or be objective. I don’t say this to imply that he is wrong and I’m right I just wanted to give that context for why he is so insistent on this matter.
Feel free to ask any clarifying questions but WIBTA if I put my foot down or reopened the discussion for placing the second litterbox?
EDIT: My Dad owns the house for those asking, I’ve been working with him for the last year on the estate as its been a lot for him Grieving his Father and his own health issues.
UPDATE: So I took some of your advice to stand my ground but I went with a diplomatic option as well as advice from the comments. I showed my Brother Vet articles explaining that there’s no problem in having multiple litterboxes in the same room.
I’ve never had Cats before or really any pets so I just assumed that a Box per floor made sense but clearly its not required. We are talking it over atm and we all seem onboard, the actual Vet articles seemed to help most.
Thanks to the people who said I needed to stand up for myself and establish a boundary. I too was concerned at the idea of the box being in my office would slowly lead to the Cats also becoming my responsibility so I’m glad I wasn’t alone in that concern. I don’t think that was either of their intentions I just think they weren’t considering we had other options that what they could see. Part of living with and working other parties is collaborative problem solving, You can’t always see every angle by yourself. Thanks for letting me vent and sharing your advice Reddit I think we solved this one, Cheers
What’s actual ownership of the property like? How are things such as utilities and property tax handled?
ETA after response: If your dad owns it, I think your help maybe lends seniority to your status in the home but does not give you a final say in who can and can’t do things in the house. The general room of thumb for cats (according to my vet) is that you should have a litterbox for every cat in the home + 1, so ideally you would have four. 1 litterbox is absolutely not enough for all those cats.
TBH I would just put one in a bathroom. IMO it’s the least offensive place for a litterbox; you poop there, why can’t the cats? You can also just put two litterboxes in one room. We did that for years, and the cats did not have a problem with it.
NTa. I don’t think there’s any huge assholes here yet, and you both have valid concerns, but I find it hard to believe that in an entire house there is nowhere to compromise on a second litterbox location. And it is a little wild of your brother to insist you have to get over your allergies when you already live there.
NTA…If they accept that the space will remain yours, they have to find another spot for the litter. Just say no.
Why can’t both go in the spare room?
NTA. This is a health issue for you. Repeated exposure to allergens can actually make reactions worse. What is a tight chest at the moment might be anaphylaxis in 6 months time. It is not something to play fast and loose with. There is no reason to put the litter box in your only personal space. It needs to be in brother & wife’s bedroom if there’s genuinely no other room for it.
NTA. Realistically, with your models and knickknacks, which are important to you, that is going to need to be a room that’s off-limits to the cats. They will destroy things because they are cats and that’s what they do. That alone is going to be difficult to achieve.
An option would be to use glass cabinets with locks to safeguard your items.
The mud room is a perfect location.
I just re-read the size of your living room. Do you live in a schloß? There are litter boxes you can conceal in a cabinet with a side entry for the cats, or put up a decorative screen. There’s loads of space. Also, with three cats, you need more than two litter boxes. The rule of thumb is one per cat.
NTA but 3 cats ideally would need to have four litter boxes per rule of thumb. I dont understand why not two can go in the spare room tho.
NTA the litter boxes can both go in one room! A cat and figurines is not a good combination. I love my 4 cats but they’re not allowed in my office.
NTA. I wouldn’t want a litter box in my office even without an allergy. I think all your proposed solutions are better than having it in the office. I don’t see why they even need to be in two separate areas? I have two cats and three litter boxes, but they’re all in the same spot. (Which also happens to be the mudroom … yes they’re curious about wanting to get out but that would happen whether the litter boxes were there or not. )
Also if it’s your budget you can get furniture pieces that disguise the litter box, which might be an option for the living room. You’d probably still get the occasional smell but my house is small so even with the litter in the mudroom, there’s occasionally a smell that will travel to the living area … it’s just part of life with pets. 😸
NTA Put your foot down and say no. You are allergic and it was agreed this was your space. You will already be dealing with 3 cats. I’m allergic myself. I take a daily pill for my husband’s one cat, and I still have some issues.
I’d say put the other one in the living room but get a screen to put around it or buy one of those pieces of furniture that hides a litterbox.
NTA. They’re moving in, so you’re doing them a solid. While having multiple litter boxes is smart and highly recommended, you get the veto power with where they go. Especially with your allergies, easy vetoes would be your room and where you spend a preponderance of time, which I’m assuming is your desk next to your collectibles. Stop volunteering locations where you would put it, but hold fast on where a litterbox cannot go.
NTA remind them that the office is your space as agreed upon and as someone who has cat allergies, you want to keep this room also cat free. They are not your pets, they are theirs and they need to take responsibility for them and figure something out. It’s not being an AH to want to keep some spaces yours in a home you’ve been living in for years to keep some normalcy and routine. Also, do you know if the cats jump up on things? Could they ruin your computer or figurines and models when they are in there for the litter box? Those things are really not safe around cats who can jump on things and will push things off tables and shelves. You need to have a sit down face to face conversation with them before they move in. It’s not fair to you that they take over the place you’ve been living and taking care of.
NTA! I have had up to 5 cats at a time. The litter boxes were always kept in one area. I never found a need to keep them in different rooms, even in a very large house.
And you cannot train a cat to avoid an area! When you try it makes them want to go into that area even more and note that they will be all over you.
“Hey, cats make you sick, and you have a bunch of tiny breakable things in this private room you spend a lot of time in. Can we put a box of feces in the closet of the room you spend your time in, attracting the cats and ensuring you can’t ever close the door to your room? Thanks!”
NTA. Maybe they can put the box in their bedroom.
NTA
Either the space is yours and does not have a litter box, or the space has a litter box and you have a different space.
Pick a better room for your office. If the litterbox *has* to go where they want it, then you get the better room.