So, about five years ago, my mother passed away from cardiac arrest. Dad and I grieved, I began spiraling into a depression. Sister noticed this, offered to let me live with her, and later took our dad in when he fell in hard times.
Dad recently received inheritance of $50,000 from his dad passing away. I depend on my dad a lot, being on the high functioning spectrum. He drives me to work, I occasionally cook food that we both enjoy.
Before I was invited to live with my sister’s family, I had given over $15,000 of my savings to help keep the bills paid in our childhood house. Now, I have roughly $5,600 in savings, and the majority of my paycheck goes into affording rent.
I’m basically just scraping by, same as everyone. My dad recently has offered to give me $5,000, after he gave my sister $10,000 for letting him live at her house with us basically rent-free. He does help look after his grandson and granddaughter, and the help he provides me.
The problem is I need to replace my Vivera orthodontist retainer, but the price is either $400 for the trays outright, or a $550 payment plan for a membership ($137.50 for three months) with $39.00 retainer replacements unlimited.
I’m strapped for cash, so replacing my retainers will hurt my wallet. I really feel like I’m not entitled to the money he’s offering me, since I didn’t earn it, and I’d never even met the grandfather my dad is getting the inheritance from. I did help pay the bills with my savings, but that was years ago and this is now.
I just don’t want to be a burden, or to accept the help. I don’t think I fully deserve it. Does this make me an asshole?
NTA. You sound very thoughtful. If your dad’s not the type to hold things over your head, then accept the money and repay him (and your sister) with ongoing kindness. I think you would give either of them the same amount if you had it and they needed it without question.
NTA and I’m sorry for your loss. It sounds like you and your sister and dad have really supported each other. This is just one more way your dad wants to support you and show appreciation. Let him do it.
Take the money and put it in a High Yield Savings account or a CD. You never know when an emergency will hit
NAH your father apparently offered you the money so there’s no interpersonal conflict. Your sister is quite kind to take both her brother and father to live with her.
Definitely NTA, not even an issue! It sounds like your sister, your dad and yourself have a caring relationship. He’s your dad doing what he can to support his children. There’s no need for guilt. Accept the gift graciously. He will be happy. Go ahead and explain your hesitation to him as it comes from the heart on all ends. It’s family caring for family.
Take the $5,000. Your dad is giving it to you because he wants to. However, save it for a rainy day because you may need it later on. You are so nice. I was executor of my mother’s estate and my unemployed nephew showed up demanding $10,000, even though the Will stipulated the estate go to us four children only. Haha. He got nada.
doesn’t make you an asshole, but it does make you ridiculous. You need it, he has it, he’s offering, and he’s your dad. He’s offering to help now, just like you helped before. Accept with gratitude, replace your retainer and move on.
I can tell by the tone of your post – you’re not a burden, and you do deserve it.