I have a friend who’s from a different state and is constantly making snarky comments about how her state is the best, they have the best accent, the best food, the best people, etc. I have never said anything but it does bother me. Anyway, today was my first day back at work after the holidays and I was already in a very bad mood. I’m a teacher (adult education) and I met a new student in class today who was also from said state. After our introductions, I asked her where she was from, she told me, she asked me where I was from, I answered, and then she just turns and says: "(Her state) is better".
WTF????????????
I’m a teacher in class so I can’t start an argument there. I laughed it off, but inside I was fuming. I was already very very annoyed because of having to go back to work…. Anyway, I texted my friend and told her what happened and how mad I got, and she said: "Well, she’s not wrong."
That was it. I told her that it’s such a rude thing to say and so absolutely uncalled for, and how does she think it’s ok to go around insulting other people’s homelands, and that I wasn’t gonna say what I thought because I’m not rude enough to insult where she’s from, but that my state was the economical, intellectual and cultural capital of the country (which is true).
Ironically, she took offense. I said I never mentioned any place, never compared, never said anything negative, unlike her, and that I respect all places and we all have our origins, our qualities and that was it. But that I find it really uncalled for to just make "jokes" like that which aren’t funny and then to take offense over a fact that is not even about anyone/where else. Big double standard. I said she’s entitled to an opinion, but she should keep it to herself. What if everyone went about saying: ‘I’m better than you’?
I told her I am not picking a fight and that I like her very much, but I do not appreciate this kind of comment. Later I said I realise I was more annoyed and snappy than usual and got madder than I should have, but that I still think this is not something nice or appropriate to say to people.
She hasn’t answered and I suspect she’s mad/offended.
I realise this is stupid drama, but AITAH???
Info needed: What states?
It’s likely the OP is from India.
In India, state identity is very strong and tied to language, culture, class, and history. People often grow up hearing that their state is smarter, richer, more cultured, or more “important” than others, and casually saying “my state is better” can be normalized in some circles even though it’s objectively rude. Accents, food, and education are heavily ranked and loaded with status assumptions. The rivalry is common, but there’s often a double standard where people can boast about their own state yet take offense when anyone pushes back.
Ah, I didn’t pick up on that originally. I figured it was USA, based on some colloquial English & slang. But as I re-read it, I see what you mean.
question: does the first friend know that it genuinely upsets you when she trash-talks your state? In my social circles, this is a very safe subject for bragging or giving people shit. If you’re keeping your discomfort to yourself, she might not have known how you feel.
The second friend might just be taken aback, if you responded to what she thought was light-hearted ribbing with an emotional rant about your state.
Exactly here in Australia we have a **friendly** rivalry between QLD & NSW, emphasis on (mostly) friendly
You need to read it again. It’s only one friend.
ESH
You’re arguing about geography.
I bet friend and OP also each think they objectively have the best parents in the world.
ESH. Dear god, “my state is better” argument? Y’all need to grow up.
ESH. “My accident of birth is better than yours!” It’s a ridiculous stance.
It’s not the states themselves I hate but the leaders from the states
Who puts those leaders in positions to run the state? People of that state.
Friends typically give each other some s**t. She is getting into you on whose hometown or “home plot of land as conceived by man-made borders” is better.
Why does this bother you so much? It’s basic tribalism and we all engage at some level. It is harmless. Just talk trash back ..not serious vitriol.
NTA, They can dish it but clearly can’t take it.