Hello
So i have this online close guy friend that i kinda like and yesterday he said he remembered a meme but he thinks that i will get mad so i said no don’t worry and insisted on him to send it, and it was a meme that basically says that i’m a whore.. I didn’t laugh at his joke and distanced myself from him for a day, then i sent him this message:
Hey, i don’t know if i’m just overthinking but i honestly got upset about yesterday, i know that you warned me before and that you apologized after but as i said earlier i really wouldn’t get upset if you send an inappropriate meme but this one is really sensitive and i don’t accept getting called a whore at all even if it’s just a joke. i know and i’m 100% sure that you don’t even mean it but i still think that communication is the key and i had to let you know. in the same time, you’re really precious to me so i don’t want this situation to make a gap between us or makes you uncomfortable with me later and feel like we have restrictions between us or if you change, no i don’t want this to ever happen.
He told me that he regrets saying it to me and that he should’ve never said it in the first place and that he was only joking and since i don’t accept this type of jokes then he would never say it to me again.
I feel really bad and i feel like i’m such an asshole and overreacting.. AITAH?
NTA. It is a slur and your emotions over being called as such are valid.
ESH. He shouldn’t have brought it up if he thought it was possible you’d be upset. You shouldn’t insist you can handle a joke if you can’t.
>he thinks that i will get mad so i said no don’t worry and insisted on him to send it
I mean……
Soft YTA, you said to send it anyway knowing it would upset you.
If you are the punchline, it wasn’t a joke. It was a VERY thinly veiled insult. he was not trying to make you laugh, and you can take it at face value. Could be negging. Could be an attempt to test your boundaries or lack thereof. It sounds like he wanted to make you uncomfortable on purpose for whatever reason. NAH
NTA. He crossed a line. People have boundaries for a reason. If you don’t enforce your boundaries, people will take advantage of you, walk all over you, speak to you in an unacceptable way, and generally treat you like shit. Good for standing up for yourself and enforcing that boundary. No don’t back peddle.
I think you’re projecting mate because you are way off in this context
Projecting? He called her a whore. Now she’s questioning getting upset about it.
ESH. If he thought that you would be offended he should never have brought it up, and after his warning you should never have asked him to send it.
YTA. You literally told him to send it when he said he thinks you might get mad over it and then you insisted it was ok. He even apologized when you sad how it upset you.. I’d run far away from your stupid ass if I were that guy.
YTA
Reasons
– 100% he didn’t mean it (your words)
– you insisted he share it
– you claim communication is key but you obviously lack that, super tenfold
-you’re guilt tripping this guy you obviously have some sort of feelings for. Yes that is obvious
You sound like you might be a manipulative coward, I’ll give you an example, as if you’re 5.
You dared someone to do something that you didn’t like.
You contradicted yourself real quick, let me explain
“I don’t know if I’m over reacting but I got upset about yesterday blah blah blah you warned me blah blah you apologized blah blah” it goes on
So this is what I see
You crave drama, there’s not “enough” of it in your life
You want to be a victim because you thrive in self pity, even more so than inbound apologies
And obviously you want to have control
Edit. What was the meme?
YTA almost E S H because he was right in saying that he shouldn’t have even mentioned it, but once you’ve been warned and then insist on him sending it, telling him not to worry, it’s *all* on you.
What he has learned is that you can’t keep your word and will talk out of both sides of your mouth not even seeing the contradiction. You need to be treated with kid gloves and your assurances mean nothing. You reserve the right to get offended anyway no matter what you say.
ETA, Sounds like You are overreacting. He told you it will probably offend you, you said send it anyway and that you won’t get upset. You got upset anyway. He apologised. Don’t make mountains out of mole hills. People make mistakes, he admited he made a mistake. Its a meme, get over it.
What was the meme ?