I woke up at 6:30 this morning (Thanksgiving) to start cooking for my extended family-turkey, stuffing, gravy, sweet potato casserole, pecan pie and coconut pie, all from scratch with fresh ingredients (no shortcuts). My sister hosted, and she made the ham, green beans, collards, rolls, deviled eggs, and a pumpkin pie. I definitely did the heaviest lifting, but I had volunteered to do so, as I was originally going to host but our dad was staying at my sister’s place and it was going to be easier to keep him there. When the meal was over this afternoon, my sister announced that the men did not need to help clean up and the women would do it all. And when I say announced, I mean she made a big production of it. I was dumbfounded. In my household, when I cook, my husband cleans up, and vice versa. So I spoke up and said I spent seven hours cooking today and I would not be spending another two hours in the kitchen washing dishes, but my husband would be happy to do so. She refused his help and proceeded to clean up entirely by herself. Our other sister was there but she disappeared at clean up as she usually does, as was a niece who didn’t cook anything but has a newborn so didn’t help clean up either. So my sister cleaned up and washed dishes entirely on her own while the rest of us chatted and visited with each other. I feel guilty, but I am also disgusted by her display of internalized sexism and her expectation that I’d be ok with that B.S. AITAH for sticking to my principles and making my sister clean up by herself?
NTA. You did your part! Whether its male or female I don’t care – if you don’t cook – you clean!!! Period.
So… NTA but like why did no one else feel the need to help?
NTA. You didn’t punish her, she punished herself by turning down willing help.
lol and what did the men contribute equal to cooking and cleaning a whole meal? let me guess, absolutely nothing except picking their asses and watching sports 🤣 NTA and you sister brought that work on herself. She needs to look in the mirror if she needs someone to blame
Why didn’t the men jump in and help? That’s crazy.
OP is NTA. In the 1950’s when my dad was dating my mom, he was visiting while on leave while serving in the Navy. My mom was one of 9 kids and the entire family was there for a Sunday Italian dinner. There were cousins and boyfriends, aunts and uncles. Typically only women cleaned up after the meal. My father was raised by both sets of grandparents and left for the navy at 17(during WW2). He was used to helping on the farm and doing chores growing up. So after this enormous family dinner he went to the kitchen and started doing dishes with my grandmother. One of my uncles went to the kitchen and tried to get him out. They told him, this is “women’s work” where we come from. My dad would have no part of that nonsense. In 1954. He became my grandmothers favorite son in law for his willingness to help her in the kitchen for years to come. He cried like a baby when she died. He said she was the only mother he ever had.
Sounds like she created her own problem, nta
NTA. Your reasons are totally valid and if your sis wants to tradwife it today, that’s her prerogative, but she can’t expect you to blindly follow suit. Props to your husband too, for being willing to step up
WTF??!! Who is she decide for all of the women? Those men better get their ass out of those chairs and get busy!
NTA Your husband was willing to assist with the cleanup and she refused so you are not wrong
You actually did her a favour, at least if she chooses to learn from it.
She needed to save face so she had to see it through. With a bit of luck she won’t be silly enough to put herself in that position again though. Either that or she will martyr herself, but at least it will with full knowledge of what she is signing up for!
NTA.
NTA.
Sister refused help from OP’s husband, so she’s going to be feeling very self-righteous and put-upon. Maybe next year the deal should be made clear from the beginning — if the women cook, the men do the clean-up.
Perfectly handled. She is AH for making commitments on other peoples behalf.
NTA.
Isn’t ‘i cook, you clean’ like a universal rule?
Also, idk if you have kids but I sure as heck wouldn’t want my son to think this was ok. I’m gonna raise a man who also belongs in the kitchen.