Hey Reddit, throwaway account because my sister is also on Reddit following my actual account.
When I was 16, my grandma passed away. My older sister was 26 at the time. It’s been 4 years since then. My grandparents had moved right next door to my house 10 years prior to her death, so I was 6. I had a really close relationship with my grandma since I really grew up with her. My sister, however, wasn’t as close. She was always busy and never hung out with her like I did. She moved out when she was 18 and hardly visited. I would hang out with my grandma every weekend; she would take me shopping, and we had multiple traditions together with just us two.
Before she passed, I was randomly over there one day when she told me she had something for me. She pulled out a pair of earrings and gave them to me. I didn’t think much of it because she always gives me little trinkets or jewelry and I hadn’t really gotten a good look at them. Later that day, I was telling my mom about it and showing her the earrings. You can bet I was VERY surprised when she was freaking out saying they were her diamond earrings. My mom explained that she had those since my mom was even a kid and wore them every day. She was a little shocked she gave them to me, considering I have around 40 cousins and some of them also have children. Very big family. Again though, I’m very close with her and none of my other cousins live near, so they really didn’t see her as much. She said they’re worth a lot of money. I definitely wouldn’t sell them because they mean a lot to me. A week later she unfortunately passed and I was happy to have something to remember her by.
Fast forward to now, and my older sister is getting married in May. She came to me and asked me about the earrings and if she could wear them. I said no. The thing is that she loses literally everything of mine. Ever since we were little, she would always take my things and end up losing or ruining my items. She’s lost countless earrings and jewelry, and she doesn’t take care of them at all. I really don’t want to risk her losing them, and I feel like she would. She got very upset and called me all sorts of names, yelling that my grandma would want her to wear them. I said if she really wanted you to have them, she would’ve gave them to you. She stormed off and we haven’t spoken in a few days. Her fiance has reached out to me, getting mad as well, saying it’s unfair of me. My parents are also defending her. I’m not sure if I’m in the wrong. I mean it’s just earrings? Does she really have to wear them? They’re my earrings and they were given to me, so AITAH for this?
NTA
You loan her those earrings and you will NEVER see them again.
Yeah they will become “sentimental” cause she wore them at her wedding.
NTA op safeguard the earrings
Your sister will “lose” them.
I’d put them away in a safety deposit box or somewhere your family doesn’t know about. Otherwise, you’ll “lose” them, too.
I agree. And if OP caves and lends them out, they should require a deposit of more than them value of the earrings. Sis shouldn’t have a problem with that unless she has no intention of returning them.
100% OP!!! Don’t let ANYONE in your family know where they are or they might just decide to get them for your sister. They need to be locked up somewhere safe where no one but you can get to them. Also, NTA and the entitlement is ridiculous. Personally, I’d have just told her and everyone harassing you that you know she will lose them because she has lost every other possession of yours and you would like these to stay in the family. Since she can’t be trusted, you have to keep them safe. Then when anyone says something about them, ask why they want grandma’s earrings lost forever since that is what will happen.
Even more of a reason for her to lose them or pretend she needs them for a specific outfit.
Do not give them to anyone. If I were you I’d locked them in a safe place when you’re not wearing them or when the family who were berating you visit.
Oops. Tell her you can’t find them anywhere and you were sure you had them in your bedside drawer. Be really upset.
Get a bank security box and put them there. Otherwise she will just take them and you’ll never see them again.
Your grandmother gave them to you for a reason.
NTA – worst case scenario, you’d never see those earrings again. Best case scenario, you’d see them 30 years from now on her daughter’s ears.
NTA, as she apparently loses everything. Get them appraised for insurance value, then tell her if she wants to borrow them, because of their value and her habit of losing things, she needs to give you a 200% deposit.
Make it clear, in front of family and witnesses that she isn’t buying the earrings, it’s a loan, and they’re to be returned, to you, in person, before the reception.
At which point you give her the deposit back.
Or just continue saying no. Either works.
I would find a fake pair that look similar and let her borrow those
NTA especially considering her track record of losing stuff
This is a perfect solution. Tell no one lol
>The thing is that she loses literally everything of mine.
That’s a well-enough reason not to. NTA
And I think you should really put them somewhere else – consider a safety deposit box at a bank until the wedding is over, or a hollow book on the shelf. Emotions during wedding-prep make people do ugly things. Your family is already pressuring you and I hate to say it, but she is careless with your things – because she doesn’t care about you. And your parents care more about her.
**They are not above stealing them from you and this is something you should be willing to protect.**
You can buy some “bait” earrings on Etsy, if they are a simple shape and put those in an obvious place like your jewellery box – if they disappear, you know what’s up.
In any way, I i.e. have a dupe for my engagement ring – because it is also a family heirloom and we travel frequently and I don’t want to risk it. The real thing only comes out to special occasions.
NTA
If you give them to her, you’ll never see them again.
Put them in a safety box at the bank and tell your sister you’ll lend them to her if she coughs up everything of yours she “lost” over the years. This might be a good occasion to recover a few items.
Of course, if she gives something (or everything) back, you will tell her you have changed your mind and not lend them. Tell her you don’t feel comfortable, given that it took this condition to get back your things.
Stay strong.
Big hugs. 🤗
NTA – she constantly loses your things doesn’t take responsibility, and doesn’t even seem to think it matters. She’s not entitled to them, they belong to you, not the family collectively.
I bet your sister wouldn’t want to wear them if they did not have monetary value. I also wouldn’t be surprised if she just never gave them back. “They’re my wedding earrings”, “gran should have given them to me, I’m the oldest”, etc.
The fact that she yelled abuse at you when you said no is more than enough to validate your decision.
The fact that her fiancé thought it was appropriate to get angry with you for saying no doesn’t reflect well on him either.
Maybe your parents should read these comments, so that they can see opinions from people who are not invested in the outcome and aren’t playing favourites. Do they know that she has lost countless items that belong to you? That she and her fiancé have verbally abused you over this? Do they just not care?