So, my grandma (80F) is super into knitting. Every year, she knits me a sweater for my birthday. I appreciate the thought, but honestly, they’re never really my style or size. I usually thank her, stick it in my closet, and that’s that.
This year, she gave me a bright orange sweater with a giant cat face on it. Now, my friend Kate (25f) is obsessed with cats and loves loud, obnoxious clothing. Her birthday was coming up, and I thought, "Hey, Kate would actually love this." So I wrapped it up and gave it to him. She was ecstatic! She wore it out to a bar that night and sent me a bunch of photos.
My grandma came over for dinner last week, and she asked me if I’d worn the sweater yet. I panicked and said it was too nice to wear around the house. She seemed happy with that. But then Kate showed up later wearing the sweater. My grandma’s face just dropped. She didn’t say anything, but the vibe was super awkward the rest of the night.
Now I feel like a total jerk. AITA for re-gifting my grandma’s handmade sweater?
YTA for letting your gram work hard on something you don’t like. I do think it was nice that Kate loves it so much though.
I understand you had positive intentions, but it’s both courtesy and respect not to re-gift things, especially if someone handmade them thinking they’d be special for you. She put time, money, and effort into it.
YTA. At least Kate loves it.
I’ll say NTA. Keeping a shrine to all unused gifts forever is just not realistic if you won’t wear them, and your friend loved it and appreciated it.
Maybe you could have given Kate a heads up that your grandma made it, though. Although then you’d be the AH for saying her gift was a regift… no winning here!
I would, however, maybe try and apologize to your grandma that the sweater wasn’t really your style, but you’d love to go out with her or maybe learn to knit yourself? Find something together that you can enjoy and she can feel a part of
YTA. Knitting a sweater is a LOT of of work. Really a lot. I get that it wasn’t your style but you should have been honest with her after the first one. You could have shown her the type of fit you like and tell her which colours you like. That way you could both have been happy.
YTA. Regifting some cheap tat that someone gave you would be fair enough, but a sweater your Nan knitted specially for you should have been kept.
Soft YTA. If you don’t want her to make you anymore sweaters, just tell her. Or tell her a style or idea you’d like to have for a sweater. Communication is key my friend.
Soft YTA. I have regifted things my mother has given me that weren’t my style, but always with the caveat that I may need to borrow them back when my mom comes to visit. If you knew Kate was coming over while your grandmother was there, you could’ve warned her not to wear that sweater. (And honestly, that detail makes me question the veracity of this post)
Nta. I’m glad you found someone who will love it! It’s nice that your grandma thinks of you, but continuing to give gifts that you don’t really like or use is such a grandma thing and if anyone else did it, people would say they were rude for not caring about what you actually like. It reminds me of a Christmas story where the aunt gets him the bunny costume.
It is a lot of work to knit things, but it sounds like your grandma enjoys the hobby. It’s a gift and so she doesn’t get to decide how it’s used or if it’s even kept. It’s weird that people think they can control how others use their gifts. Don’t give a gift if you’re going to put a bunch of terms and conditions on it.
UPDATE: I had called my grandma the next morning and she said she wasn’t mad at me she should’ve just told me my friend wanted a sweater aswell. So now I have more sweaters being made!!
YTA for lying to your grandma about “too nice to wear around the house.” This lie caused the bad vibes. You could have said something like, “honestly Grandma, I have this friend who LOVED that sweater as soon as she saw it, so I gave it to her. I hope that doesn’t hurt your feelings; the sweater made her so happy, I just couldn’t help but share your beautiful work with her like that.”
I’m glad you posted this because from now on, if this happens to me, I am going to say I let a friend borrow it. That should cover me
YTA for not telling your grandma the truth up front. If you had just said you knew your friend would love it and appreciate it and had given to them, she probably would have understood.
For this specific incident, it’s NAH. You already got the sweater and it’s not wrong to give it to someone who would love it. You should probably have made sure your friend knew to not wear it to your house just in case?
BUT past-you is YTA. You should have stopped the sweater gifts years ago. She puts a TON of work and money into a gift that you waste. Once you realize that it’s a pattern, and you don’t like them, you needed to find a gentle way to ask for something else. Would you wear a scarf or hat? Maybe something meant to be worn at home, like big & comfy (so the style won’t matter)? Or maybe you & your grandma could pick out a pattern & yarn together. There are a TON of patterns in different styles, and you could also check the sizing so it will fit.
Hopefully you & your grandma can work out something that makes you both feel happy and appreciated.
p.s. I would LOVE that sweater
I mean cool that she’s now making more but it was definitely very messed up. You don’t care about her gifts now but you will later