Edit: I should have added this in my post but i don’t have any other options. Brother wrecked his car, I’m low contact with my father and I can’t drive because I tore my acl and meniscus and I’m on crutches.
I 26f have never been in a car accident but have been close to one. My mom’s driving scares me. She will either try grabbing something or will take her hands off the wheel. Both of them. Two years ago she was on her phone and wasn’t paying attention. She saw the other car last minute and swerved. I was almost hit as I was sitting in the passenger seat. I could have been crushed. A huge argument broke out that day.
Just a few minutes ago she had grabbed some oil perfume she keeps. We were literally going up a hill and the road was extremely bumpy. I snapped and told her to put down the oil. WE WERE CLOSE
TO A DITCH. We get on the main highway and she grabs the oil again and takes BOTH hands off the wheel. I snapped at her and told her to stop. She does but as we were going down a hill she took her hands of the wheel AGAIN to rub the oil onto her wrists. I was almost crying at this point.
I feel like I’m the AH because it’s not my vehicle, it’s hers and she can drive how she wants but every time she does something like this it makes me feel unsafe. I’m aware I have PTSD from what happened two years ago, and I’m working on myself. But today, we could have landed in a ditch because of her. So AITAH?
Drive yourself and drive her. That’s the only way you’ll be in control of the situation.
NTA. Your passenger anxiety is valid
NTA, but you can’t really make demands when she’s driving her own car. I suggest you find alternate transportation as driving with your mother is not safe.
NTA but I would refuse to get in the car with her
NTA. Save your own life by refusing to let her drive you anywhere.
NTA, you’re welcome to voice your safety concerns when it’s YOU that is at risk.
People do stupid shit like this because they feel confident in their abilities on the road, while ignoring any hints that suggest they are not. I suggest that you help her find a car with automatic braking etc so we all have a chance if we are unlucky enough to encounter her..
NTA, but can you drive yourself? Do you have any other means of transport? It seems like it’s time to stop letting her drive you!
You are not obligated to be in a car with a driver whom you do not trust. I mean, you’re old enough to have a driver’s license. Why do you have to ride with her as the driver? NTA but
Nta, I was told when I was learning to drive that assume you are the only intelligent person on the road. It helps me realize how stupid a lot of people are behind the wheel, it’s not like she was even trying to be safe she sounds like a danger to anyone on the road. I wouldn’t drive with her
NTA. And don’t be a passenger when she’s driving, or let children be her passengers. Its not worth the risk. Shes gonna kill someone.
Stop riding in the car when she is driving. And make sure her life insurance policy (1) is up to date, and (2) names you as the beneficiary.
NTA. You said “it’s her car and she can drive as she wants”. No. She absolutely cannot. There are actually quite a number of laws in place to protect myself and many other people from drivers, like your mother. She is not allowed to drive any way she wants. As a mother, her priority should be the safety of the daughter she has next to her, if not her own safety.
I cannot preach this phrase enough: “Successful behavior gets repeated.”
The opposite is also true. Refuse to drive with her if it inconviences her until she changes. Ask her very bluntly, how will she feel if the worst happens and you get severe3injurered in an accident? Or another innocent vehicle? Will she be happy she smells good at least, because she reached her perfume before the collision? You are ONLY trying to save her, and yourself, and OTHERS from harm. You are asking her to stop putting both of your lives at risk. Ask her to point out where, exactly, you are doing anything to anger her with that request.
Is she also angry at speed limit signs? Red lights? Railroad crossings? All of those control the way she drives as well, just in the name of safety. You are not doing anything different.
Put the ridiculously unsafe actions aside. Forget the fact she is breaking laws, ignoring logic, physics, and the most basic driving techniques taught on day one to 15 year old kids.
She is knowingly causing stress, by her own actions, to a level severe enough her daughter is brought to tears and her reaction is to argue. Not to console, apologize, or change, but instead defend, fight, and continue the behavior.
Do not make your safety less important than someone else’s temper tantrum. Your mother would never forgive herself if she was the cause of an accident that caused you harm in any way.
NTA and I agree, don’t get in the car with her.
A man wrote about this a few months ago. His ex drove like this and he was terrified about his kids. She’d reach in the back seat for things. She ended up being killed in a car crash, her fault. She was alone in the car.
“I can’t drive bc I’m injured”
So you’ll ride in a car with someone likely to get you even more injured? Or killed?
It may be very inconvenient for you to find another way to get places, but you’re saying you’re terrified to drive with her. Apparently you’re not so terrified that you won’t do it.
Would you get in a car with someone who’s drunk? Because it’s the same thing. It’s sheer luck that your mother hasn’t killed herself or someone else. The only thing that makes you TA is continuing to ride in a car with her. If you stopped, MAYBE she’d get the message. But you’ll DEFINITELY be safer.