I recently got laid off just before telling my employer that I am pregnant with my third child. I’ve worked so hard, in somewhat of a panic, to find a new job and have received an offer from a place I had already been trying to get a job at for several years. The job is a 25% raise but I can no longer work from home. It is in my field but even though the pay is more the title is lower than the titles I’ve had before. That isn’t the issue because I would rather be financially stable than aim for a higher title.
The trouble is that my spouse has for the last several years openly despised the company because it is a big corporation and feels the company is wasteful and everyone who works there is a bad person. My spouse hates it like people hate the DMV, but even more – he fully believes in his soul that I will be a bad person if I choose to work for this company purely because the company is so large, slow, and it’s products are overpriced.
When I told him I was interviewing he said he would support me if I chose to do it (which is honestly out of character for him because we both know he hates the company). Last night over the phone I told him I wanted to give it a chance and he said I don’t think you should. And today when I told him I accepted the offer, he berated me saying he felt blindsided, they aren’t offering me enough, couldn’t I find a job with a higher title, I didn’t respect him because I didn’t take his advice about how horrible the company is and that our marriage will not survive me working at this place because he will never get over it.
My spouse travels to work weekly in another state to work for a similar but much smaller company.
My salary will be higher than his.
His alternative to the job is that wants me to stay home and work for a new company he started, but he can’t say how much he will be able to pay me.
When I asked what he meant when he said he would support me if I decided to work there he said he meant he wouldn’t divorce me.
AITAH for taking the job? I don’t want to doom our marriage, but I really need to be able to support my kids with a stable income (2 are mine from my first marriage and the one on the way is ours) we keep our finances separate.
I have no other offers at the moment but I’m still looking.
NTA. Accept this job now. Take the job, make some money, put it in your own bank account.
You can keep looking for a better-paying position, but you do not want to be financially dependent on this man, and you do not want him to control your employment.
He will not pay you what you are worth, if at all.
. . .
EDITED TO ADD: Thank you very much for the awards 🙂
take the job, lose the husband.
NTA, you should be able to work where you want. Congratulations on your pregnancy.
Choose financial security. Your husband sounds controlling. Do not leave your financial future in the hands of a man who threatens divorce if you don’t do what he wants.
plus he wants her to buiild up HIS company for a shitty wage. absolutely not!
NTA. Your spouse is acting like a child.
He agreed to support you. You took him at his word.
I’m going to be brutally honest. You may not be able to trust he will stick by your side and NOT divorce you. You can’t trust his words. I suggest you take the job and provide for your kids. He’s showing his true colors, and the red flags are waving on this one.
If he keeps badgering you on this, tell him the relationship won’t be sustainable if he keeps it up, and you want marriage counseling to work through this. His disrespecting you as a person, your autonomy to choose your career, you as a mother providing for your children, as his partner in life. Do NOT go to work for this man because you will become dependent on him, and I don’t see that as a healthy choice with the behavior he is currently displaying. His words and behavior are toxic, and if he doesn’t change his tune, there is no way this relationship is sustainable. You will not be happy, and he will not be a good role model behaving this way in front of the children.
NTA. Find other big companies that your husband couldn’t live without. Amazon? Target? Does he have a car? What company? Does he put gas in the car? The oil industry has questionable ethics. Does he drink coke or pepsi, those companies destroy the environment with plastic packaging. Tell him that you’ll quit your job when he takes his corporate boycotts seriously. It is maddening to me when people pick one certain company to have a hang up about but ignore the ones they want to use.
I mean you guys are about to have three kids.. I assume the reality is that you need to both be working to provide for them.
He needs to be realistic here, you guys need to take what you can get before you go on leave. You could take the job, but tell him you’ll still look around and take another of equal pay if you find it? NTA*
A job is a job. When I was younger I was very picky on which leaders I liked or products that were “good” for the world. And I would quit when I wasn’t happy. Now I just work to make sure I can afford giving my kids opportunities for things beyond the basics.
In this time when jobs are hard to come by, seems like the right financial decision to take the job offer! If you do decide to stay home or work at his new business, you should be clear how much money you expect him to contribute to cover all of the family expenses.
NTA. You are responsible for two kids alone already plus the unborn child. He’s going to find another reason for divorce even if you guys stay together after this.
NTA
Hubby is TA.
His opinion on their work is irrelevant if it’s meaningful to you, if it’s relevant to you, if it pays you, and if it works overall.
If he will insist on being a controlling prick (I mean AH, sorry), then maybe you two need to reevaluate your relationship.
NTA. and I’m going to say this plainly.
you got laid off. you’re pregnant. you have two kids already. you found a job in your field with a 25% raise. that is stability. that is responsible.
your spouse’s reaction is not about “corporate ethics.” it’s about control.
“i’ll support you” meaning “i won’t divorce you” is not support. that’s a threat dressed up as permission.
he works for a similar company but smaller. fine. that’s his choice. you’re allowed yours. you are not required to tank your earning potential or gamble on his startup where he can’t even tell you what he’ll pay you.
NTA, if this is the full story. I would say ESH/NAH if it were something like “My spouse is an environmentalist and I took a job with Big Oil” or “My spouse’s sister died of lung cancer and I joined a tobacco company,” but he hates this company because…they’re large and inefficient? That’s it?!