My friend (22 f) has been married for almost a year now. About 3 months after the wedding she opened the idea of an open marriage. She used the term swinging, saying it would be a group thing not a just her thing. Well it didn’t take long for her to start bringing men into the house when he was at work and he knew about it. She brought this new guy in two months ago and it’s very obvious that her husband is jealous of it. Since he’s been brought in they fight constantly. She came to me asking for advice and I’m a very brutally honest person. I let her know that most swingers swap couples and don’t just bring in one man for themselves. I told her that if she wanted to openly cheat on her spouse in their house while he was at work then she was going to have to deal with how her marriage would suffer from it. I told her she’s not looking at how he’s feeling and it’s sad that me and my partner can obviously see he’s not happy. When I said that she told me I was judging her for what she was doing, and her marriage was going to be fine as long and we find someone for her husband. I told her that make the reason he hasn’t brought anyone home is because he’s uncomfortable with it and she needed to sit down and talk to him. She said it was unnecessary and for me to keep my nose in my business. I then said okay but don’t come to me with this topic again when I told you my opinion which you asked for. We have now stop communicating. I wonder if I was too harsh?
NTA
She asked for advice and you gave her good honest advice. She just didn’t like the answer. Her marriage is destined for failure.
You’re NTA. Your friend is going to lose her husband and she deserves to.
NTA.
You can’t just open a marriage up Commodore Perry-style and expect things to go well. If she doesn’t want to hear that, she shouldn’t have broached the topic.
NTA. She asked… You answered. She just didn’t like the answer, which is a her problem, not a you problem.
NTA.
She asked and you gave your opinion. She didn’t like it because it doesn’t support her actions or thinking. If she didn’t want another opinion she shouldn’t have asked.
Are these your values? You have to decide if a person with these kinds of morals is truly friend material.
No.
NTA if she wasn’t prepared to hear the truth she shouldn’t have asked. I would bet this level of selfishness and disregard for others feelings is a consistent pattern for your friend and of if I were you would reconsider this friendship.
nta, you show me an open marriage i show you a divorce lawyer within the next 5 years.
NTA. Swinging can be a very nice lifestyle but rules are rules and the main one is : LISTEN. TO. YOUR PARTNER.
If she won’t, then yeah, she’s destroying her relationship all on her own and I sure hope she won’t ever try complaining again because the audacity is baffling.
NTA. She came to you asking for advice and you gave it. She shouldn’t have asked if she wasn’t willing to hear that she was doing something wrong. You hit the nail on the head by calling her out for wanting to openly cheat on her husband and for misrepresenting what she was wanting by calling it swinging when she really just wanted an open relationship.
NTA. Good for you for being honest. Your friend was living in denial.
People don’t want your opinion when they ask for it, they want you to tell them that you agree with them. Usually, because they are beginning to realize the error of their way and need a pep talk so they can continue without remorse. It seems she got married before she was done “sowing her oats” for whatever reason. She needs to be single and her husband needs a wife that likes him enough not to screw around on him. He will be much happier without her, hopefully he realizes that soon.
NTA.
How nice of your friend to wait until a couple of months after the wedding to drop it on her new husband that she wanted an open relationship.
You’re NTA, but your friend sounds genuinely awful.
>When I said that she told me I was judging her for what she was doing
Yes, that’s how life works — people judge you based on your actions!
NTA. You nailed it on this one. As someone who practices polyamory/ENM, your friend opened the relationship so she could cheat without it being called cheating. They’re not swinging, she’s just cheating. That’s all there is to it.
Her husband is going to leave her and she’s not going to accept that it’s her own fault.