Me and my bf are in our mid 20’s. We are opposite personalities. I’m an introvert, a home body, and have a small group of friends. He’s an extrovert, likes to go out, raving, and have many large groups of friends. When we’re together, we mesh really well. We’ve been together for 4 years.
Everytime my bf asks me to go hang out with his friends, I’m not happy. They love to drink and party. They’re also extroverts so I’m a little intimidated by them. I on the other hand do not like to drink and party and rather stay in. I’ve hung out with them a handful of times now. I recently turned him down the last 2 times he asked me to hang out with his friends. He was upset saying l do not think about his feelings and would like me to get involved with the group since a lot of his guy friends bring in their gfs.
This recent time, he asked me to go on a trip to the mountains. His friends are going snowboarding and sledding and my bf knows those are not my type of activities. He accommodated the plan so that we won’t be doing that and instead exploring around the town. We will just meet up for dinner. I’ve been here once before and did not like it. I got sick and it was so crowded at the time. I said no not really feeling it and he got into an argument how he arranged this plan so that we don’t have to go snowboarding/sledding, even though he really wanted to. I told him please go enjoy yourself and I don’t have to go. He said he doesn’t want to leave me behind and thinks about me.
AITAH?
Nta that is your choice. You are very different people its time to accept it and look for somone your compatible with.
Soft YTA. He changed the plan to accommodate you, but you’re not willing to meet him halfway. TBH, it sounds like the two of you will not be compatible long term, and that’s something you need to think about.
NTA, but you might want to have a think about how compatible you are. He seems to be trying his best to meet you halfway, but if you’re can’t even face that then he’s probably not for you. Doesn’t make you an arsehole, especially if there’s a degree of social anxiety involved, but don’t waste the man’s time if you can’t get past this
YTA but only mildly so – having boundaries is fine, but this points to a compatibility issue (yes, even with 4 years together). It looks like he is trying to find ways to include you (i.e. a bid for connection) by foregoing the thing he’d prefer to be doing, and even if you’re being nice about it, you’re not reciprocating.
NAH, i dont Think he is an asshole, for wanting to be with his Gf and sure you dont have to do anything you dont want.
NAH, maybe soft YTA at most. u arent wrong for having boundaries, but he’s also not wrong for wanting his partner to be a part of his social world. its a compatibility issue imo
it sounds like you are with him because he is with you and not because you want to be with him
NAH. Just two people who are not compatible in at least some ways. You decide how significant your differences are.
Opposite personalities can work, but it’s important both people respect boundaries. You’re NTA for not wanting to do things that make you uncomfortable
I agree, but would add for clarity that he is also NTA if he decides to break up with her because he wants a girlfriend that is willing to do things with him that he feels are important.
NAH. You’re just wired differently. You’ve tried hanging with his friends and it drains you, that’s valid. He wants you included and feels weird being the only guy without his gf around, that’s human. The fix is balance, show up sometimes for him, skip when you’re tapped out, and stop forcing trips you already know you won’t enjoy. Compromise beats resentment.
Soft YTA
He’s willing to compromise with you, but it sounds like you aren’t willing to even meet him a quarter of the way.
also INFO: What do YOU enjoy doing, and does he offer up some of his time to do those things with you?