I can’t tell if i’m being anxious/ irrational, or if my feelings are valid. Help!
My boyfriend are I are both 25, and have been officially together for almost a year. We live in the same town and work on the same block, so we see each other quite frequently and have become very close – we sleepover at least twice a week, call on our commutes home almost daily, have dinner/coffee dates on the weekends, go to the gym together, etc.
It also seems pretty serious? He brings me to all his family’s events and friends’ hangouts. He’s even planing on bringing me out-of-state to meet more of his family this spring. We also spent the holidays together (christmas eve with his family, christmas day with mine).
However, I still get this nagging feeling that I might just be a placeholder? or he might just be scared of commitment, since I’m his first long-term gf?
Like, first of all, he didn’t even want to have the bf/gf label to begin with. After a few weeks of dating, he asked to be exclusive. Then two months in, I asked what his thoughts were on labels, and he said it didn’t matter to him. I made it clear it mattered to me, and it wasn’t until 2 months later that \*I\* asked him to be official, since we were already doing everything a bf/gf couple would do and he agreed. So did he even \*want\* to be “serious” with me??
And he avoids talking about any future plans for “us”. I don’t expect us to be talking about marriage, but it would be nice to imagine summer plans together, you know? Just a confirmation that he wants me in his life and sees some semblance of longer-term.
And the littler things are popping out for me now. Last week, he genuinely couldnt remember what my favorite movie is even though I talk about it at least once a week and have a giant poster for it in my apartment. When we watch a show/movie he suggests, he gets so locked in. But when it’s something I suggest, he just doesn’t act interested at all.
His Christmas present to me was very much a “here whatever” gift that he got last minute. He’s not a gift-giving type in general from what I gathered at the family parties, but like I guess I just wanted some thoughtfulness from him. Especially given that he saw how I give gifts to my family/friends and how I had been planning since October, AND that he had gotten my wish list from my sister. But the gifts he did give me he got a few days before the celebrations, and weren’t on my list lol
He also won’t even text me “good morning” back, which wouldn’t be bad if I knew his mornings were busy/phone-free. But I’ve spent mornings before work with him, and he is constantly on his phone. He’ll send me tiktoks throughout the workdays too, but won’t just text me a good morning back?
Idk am i reading too much into this??
In my head, i’m conflicted because he has these “flaws” but at the same time he’s spending so much time with me, brings me around his family, ingrained me with his friend group, pays for things, and tells me he loves me. So then, I’m wondering if Im just a good “convenient” and placeholder girlfriend. I live and work close to him, so it’s easy to be with me. Plus, given the pressure his family has put on him to get into a relationship, I assume it’s beneficial for him to bring me around the family. And then most of his friend group is partnered-up, so he is definitely less out of place in that setting when I’m there.
I just am so scared that instead of an actual person, I’m just his girlfriend to him.
Girl, scrap the conversation about whether or not you are convenient to him and start thinking about what you want and your own happiness.
It is not too much to expect some care, courtesy and thoughtfulness when it comes to you and your relationship.
It doesn’t sound like a placeholder issue if he’s involved family and friends. It sounds like you’ve almost got to a year and all your incompatibility is starting to become more obvious. Your needs and wants won’t get met with this one. This isn’t for the long term. Don’t waste anymore time. Break up.