I have seen many posts and comments on here saying that crushes are normal whilst being in relationship, as long is you do not act on them. Which made me think, are they though? I am not talking about crushes on celebrities or passing crushes you see once a week or month, but the ones that you develop due to proximity. Work crushes mostly, the ones where you still think about them after you leave work or feel like you need to post on forum for advice. I believe something is missing in the relationship if any other woman or a man catches and holds your attention. When you are indeed in loving relationship you simply have no time nor space for another type of connection in your head. Do you actually believe crushes whilst you are in relationship/marriage are that innocent?
I don’t think normal is the word, i would say that I don’t think it’s harmless. If you’re attracted to someone whilst in a relationship then clearly there are some unmet needs in the relationship which is causing your mind to drift and project onto someone else.
Yes. ‘Normal’ probably is not the right word, but I do agree, something must be missing, but a lot of people seem to think it is all harmless as long as you do not act. To me harmless is when I see someone and go – Oh, he/she is attractive and it ends there.
Yea. If it doesn’t stop at that it’s a slippery slope innit.
First you notice how they are looking. And then it becomes a thing you start to look for. Then a “harmless” text becomes an intentional flirtation. And before you know it you’re starting to compare an existing relationship which you’re still building to something that’s just new and exciting. And that’s when you end up acting on it in a moment of weakness and all hell breaks loose.
I definitely developed a crush on a female coworker while in a relationship. I feel like it was totally harmless but I’m not going to deny that it happened. It was a little awkward when my partner and I ran into her at the grocery store.
Yes Just don’t act upon them
The only time I got a crush on someone else while I was married was near the end, when my spouse was obviously cheating on me and my feelings for her were totally gone.
Not for people I’m willing to be in a committed relationship shipment with
I don’t think so. My partner and I had this discussion recently. Personally I’d be devastated if I found out he was crushing on another woman. I have had crushes while in relationships, those relationships were not healthy and I was always on my way out when it happened. Although my partner disagreed with my stance he admitted the one crush he had whilst in a relationship was when he was starting to check out. I just don’t think it’s normal for a healthy relationship that is going well. If I developed a crush in my current relationship I’d be concerned.
I think you hit the nail on the head. The only time I had a crush or noticed other men was when I was in unhappy relationships. When I found the right person, it hasn’t happened and I couldn’t even fathom feeling that way
EXACTLY perfectly stated
Normal for some, not normal for others.
I think it’s human to have the odd crush.
Whether or not it’s harmless depends on what you do with it.
A crush signals to me that they’ve thought about it. Fantasized, if you will. I find that untenable in a relationship. There’s a difference between looking, and maybe even checking out. But crushes? Nah.
I suppose it depends on what someone means by a crush.
To me a crush means a lot more than just physical attraction, and there is an emotional connection or attraction as well.
It is completely normal to find other people attractive and literally every one does this, even when in relationships.
Its not normal to have a “crush” however and usually means someone wasn’t good with setting up boundaries with people who aren’t their partner or something isn’t working out in their actual relationship. Maybe both.
Crush to me sounds like either an emotional affair if there is reciprocation or one-sided infatuation if there isn’t, but either of those isn’t healthy or normal when you’re in a relationship. I know I’ve never felt that way about any woman when I was in a relationship, although I’m also not the “crush” sort to begin with, and have to date someone for a bit before I start feeling an emotional connection beyond just friendship.
Personal experience: I have been married for 20 years and haven’t had any crushes. I can’t confidently say the same for her.