Or do you want women to be financially equal partners???
… I have watched my dad over 37 years and I observed my mom and dad’s marriage before and after divorce and even in his new marriage now.
When my dad and mom were married, my dad sacrificed his time to join the army. He provided for us and my mom. My mom did work, but she never contributed to the finances. As the years went on, the transition out the military, my dad needed help financially and saw money was a struggle, yet, my mom still didn’t contribute because she either spent her money the day she got it and she also strongly believed that the man has to pay for it all and she keeps her money. He even paid her way for classes to get her GED which she dropped out of and my dad said for her to join military but she didn’t want to. Basically she didn’t want to do anything to improve their situation. My dad was always the one cooking, we were cleaning and doing things in the household. He was always there and I don’t remember a lot of my mom growing up.
While my twin sister and I grew up, my dad would repeatedly tell us to never rely on a man to do everything for you so he taught us how to fix everything, change tires, oil, a lot of what “men” supposed to do. When my dad would say these things, I just remember how I felt and why would he tell us this? I felt like he wanted us not to be worthless women.
During the divorce my dad lived in his car trying to pay child support and she wiped him clean. My mom and dad have been divorced for over 10 years and my mom has nothing and now she’s in the camp that she had kids so that we can take care of her. I make well over six figures and I live well off so a lot of the time I give her money.
So needless to say, I love men a lot and I may not know what men go through but I could never use a man. I value your selfless acts and appreciate you guys so much. I hear women all the time saying that men need to pay for first dates, pay for women things, etc…
Do you all like it and do you have stress when knowing about your future and you hold the financial responsibility?
Even now my dad has made comments to his now wife about how he has to pay for everything and she won’t eat unless he buys it when they are out. My dad is coming home from work, cleaning, cooking, and taking care of his 8 yo. I know my dad chose the women but damn.
I like providing for my partner but in this economy, even my 6 figures means nothing.
Depends entirely on the relationship and circumstances. My wife cannot work. So I provide for both us. It has nothing to do with liking it or not liking it. It has to do with doing what needs to be done and taking care of your spouse/significant other/whatever you want to call it.
Nope. My fiance is an equal partner, not a dependent.
I like taking care of people I like but if I feel used that fades pretty quick
We like providing to women who appreciate it and don’t take our effort as a given.
Each partner should contribute to the household according to their means. This includes your money.This includes your time.
++man my wife is a sahm to our three kids so we live on my income (she’ll find work once all the kids are in school full time, her choice). The difference is that she’s a responsible manager of our finances and household so I don’t feel taken advantage of at all. I trust her with everything including my paycheck. She makes my life better in every way, I don’t want any amount of money compared to her.
Our finances have always been shared since we married. In my opinion if you can’t trust someone enough to merge your finances with them you probably shouldn’t get married. Just my opinion. I can’t imagine arguing about who’s paying for what in a marriage.
This. It’s not about the money, it’s the effort. If the effort in the household is close to equivalent, then I’m cool. If there are imbalances in effort, that’s when things get wonky.
Uhhhh no. I married an extremely capable, intelligent woman on purpose.
If I could comfortably provide for the entire family alone I’d be glad to do it. But in this economy? I need a partner who contributes financially and split the bills with me, or I’ll be better off alone.
I like taking care of the people I care about, and helping out others where I can. When my wife became a SAHM, I had no issues and it honestly gave me more of a drive to push myself. When the kids got older and she wanted to go back to work, no problems, but I’m 100% going to provide for them. It’s our family.
As a dad to two daughters, that really hit me, but for me, teaching my girls things has a different meaning. I don’t teach them skills so they won’t be “worthless women.” I teach them so they grow up confident, capable, and strong enough to handle life on their own if they need to. I want them to know they never have to rely on anyone, but they can always rely on me. My goal is to give them independence, not pressure. And honestly, the reasons go deeper than I can put into words it’s just a father wanting his girls to be secure in who they are.
I would rather go on vacations with my partner than financially support a grown ass adult.
My wife gave me no choice. She unilaterally decided she’d be a SAHW, and quit her job one day. When I try to talk to her about going back, she talks about getting a PhD instead. I explain that that is yet another large expense and multi-year time-sink, but she complains that I’m not supporting her dreams. We have one child – who goes to daycare – and she doesn’t do anything around the house. I do most of the cooking, all the grocery shopping, a lot of cleaning, all the maintenance on the home and cars, all the financial management, all of the money-earning, and much more. On top of that, she is essentially never “in the mood”. I resent the hell out of her for this arrangement, but feel trapped, because if we were to split, my state would give her primary custody of my son by default, and I’d rarely get to spend appreciable time with him… But I digress…
Men often love being the financial provider, but usually expect some form of reciprocity.