My boyfriend (busy CEO) recently told me he feels like I’m “not supportive” and that I “don’t roll with things,” but I’m confused because I thought I was being supportive. I plan things, help with logistics, take care of details, try to reduce stress, etc. but he seems to interpret things like asking for clarity on plans (for example) as pressure instead of support.
Sometimes if he senses I’m stressed or confused, he’ll say things like “Maybe I’m not your guy” or “I need someone who can roll with things,” which makes me feel awful and like I’m failing without knowing why.
For context, I was recently diagnosed as very mildly on the spectrum, so sometimes people misread my tone or expressions, and I don’t always realize it in the moment. I’m trying my best, but I’m clearly missing what he actually wants from me.
So I want to ask men:
* What behaviors or attitudes make you feel supported?
* What makes you feel pressured instead of supported?
* How do you want your partner to respond when you’re stressed?
* Is there a difference between “helping” and “supporting” to you?
* How would you want your partner to communicate if they tend to be more structured or anxious than you?
I feel like I’m trying, but something is getting lost in translation.
What is the CEO of? His life?
he owns a company
I doubt a “busy CEO” has any time for you.
And from what you describe, he sounds like a “my way or the highway“ kind of person.
And what is “masking for clarity on plans”?
I’ve never heard of such a thing.
They meant asking bro, cut back on the weed.
typo. Asking for clarity
Ah, thank you.
If he has a problem with you asking for clarity about plans, and views such a request from you as a form of “pressure,” then I would suggest he is unable to communicate.
And that is the last sort of person you want to get involved with.
Without clear and respectful communication there can be no relationship.
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He means that if plans change last minute I wont get bent out of shape or inflexible. My partner wants “an equal” and “someone that adds value” so he’s not the only one working. he “wants someone equally as hardworking and successful and can hold her own.” which I am these things but just dont make as much money as him (I make 200k+).
But out of nowhere he will get really upset from something that wouldnt normally cause that reaction (like asking for clarification on things) and my mind breaks trying to figure out what went wrong. Im walking on eggshells unsure if im missing something. Like recently we went on a trip. I decided to treat him to a hotel room, lunch, dinner, registering him for plans, etc. doing all the paying and setup. Then he reacted poorly by me asking if he wanted to try for plans after dinner. It was totally neutral and normal question but he took it as me pressuring him.
If he runs his own company, he doesn’t really have time for a girlfriend. How you can be supportive is just don’t plan little things for him because he’s really busy – just exist. If he needs something from you, he will ask, but trying to put things on my schedule when I’m running the show is more annoyance than a help. That’s what he means by go with the flow. He’s the river. You just do what he wants to.
I get the point you’re making, but I don’t think he sees the relationship in those terms. He says he wants a true partner, not someone who just “exists” around his schedule, so it’s confusing when normal participation suddenly feels like interference. I’m not trying to run his life . In fact I stay far from it and have a lot of my own stuff going on. I just trying to contribute and add value (getting groceries, organizing the house, etc). The mixed signals make it hard to know when something is helpful versus annoying. That’s why I’m trying to understand what “supportive” actually looks like in practice.
Just live your life maybe just exist was a little flippant but if he’s that high-level, he will tell you what he needs. You don’t need to try to read his mind to be supportive. Just be there for him. That is what he would look for or what I would expect.
Men are different from each other. Everything you do for your guy is what I appreciate about my wife. Maybe he isn’t the right guy. I dunno. I would ask him point blank what does “roll with it” mean? Maybe he doesn’t like plans.
This post intrigues me because tbh, 99% of the questions on this sub are really immature. E.g. ‘how do I talk to boys!?’ This on the other hand, is a genuinely tricky problem that mature relationships sometimes run into, and something I’ve experienced in past relationships.
Couple questions: 1) Do you talk to him about his work much? If so, does he seem to like talking to you about it? And do you offer feedback or just let him ‘vent?’ 2) Do you plan outings or events without his input? 3) Do you ask him for input on other things, like what he wants for dinner, what movie he wants to watch, etc?