What if being a father is really about making the tough calls your kids won’t appreciate in the moment, choosing their hobbies, choosing their direction, choosing the things that build them even when they push back, and accepting that the only gratification you’ll ever truly get is knowing they grow up healthy, disciplined, and ready for life while you carry that responsibility without applause or validation, just steady effort and accountability?
And if that’s the truth, then what does it say about the fathers who are willing to shoulder that weight every day, follow a plan regardless of circumstances, and stay committed to doing what’s necessary even when it feels thankless… and what kind of strength does it take to keep choosing that path?
That’s pretty much parenthood in a nutshell. As a parent, I now understand why my parents made the choices they made and said what they said. They weren’t always right but they tried their best and I know my wife and I are on the same path
As long as “tough decisions” isn’t an excuse for being abusive. Yes, it is a parents responsibility to guide their children. Something that has been lacking as of late.
I wouldnt put it as strongly as you did (choosing their hobbies and direction). I make my kids do something but they can pick what they are interested in within limits. I make them do schoolwork and other work but eventually they will choose their own direction. But yes, being a parent is a ton of thankless work. Remember you chose to have kids not the other way around.
That sounds like a father with estranged children.
Yeah. Maybe it’s just my own batshit upbringing, but choosing your kid’s hobbies and direction is a sure-fire way to make your kids think that what they want doesn’t matter.
Teach and guide the kid you have, not some dream child you wished you had.
Yeah, the OP reads to me like I want my child to be exactly who I want them to be, and not respecting the individual
Yeah and I dont think there is any way to kill a kid’s confidence faster than to make them feel like they dont meet your expectations.
Joe Jackson (MJ’s dad) thought so.
No, it’s not like that at all. If you raise them well from when they are born, they will be curious, well rounded and you can simply support the choices they make. I haven’t had to make “tough choices” and my kids tell me often they appreciate me being a good dad. Your post is imho painting a negative picture of fatherhood that is not what I’ve experienced at all ++man
You never choose their hobbies and activities. You might make them try things, but the child always gets the final decision on continuing it.
Examples from my life: I made my children play a musical instrument. They picked which instrument. After a year, it was up to them to continue or not. One kid changed instruments after a year. The other dropped music. Fine. I insisted they have swimming lessons. But beyond a basic ability to swim, more classes were up to them. One child wanted to go to the West Coast for college. Coming from academia, I know which colleges are good and which are not. I listed the dozen or so schools they could go to, excluding all others. But they got to choose amongst the options. Options were based on the kid’s aptitudes, not my biases.
If you force things on a child, they will hate it and hate you.
No. Your children are individuals. They do need structure and guidance. But controlling them, dictating their hobbies, ignoring their desires and essentially bullying them into accepting your values wholesale, is not parenting. Parents don’t automatically ‘know best’ just because they are parents.
Being too overbearing often leads to disrespect, unhealthy relationships, and eventual estrangement.