For several years I had a friends-with-benefits situation with a guy. It was very clear and casual, and we mainly saw each other on weekends with a lot of sexual chemistry.
A few months ago things started to shift. He became more serious: he wanted to celebrate Valentine’s Day together, introduced me to his friends, and now we’re even planning our first vacation together.
The confusing part is that at the same time, our sexual dynamic changed a lot. We still see each other just as often, but now he often just falls asleep next to me. If we do have sex, I need to ask for it or initiate it more than before, and even then he sometimes doesn’t finish or loses his erection. This is completely different from how things used to be.
I’m honestly a bit flabbergasted by how this turned out. I expected things to become more intimate, not less. I also notice that I enjoyed the situation more before than I do now.
Has anyone experienced something similar? Could this be about pressure, emotions, or something else entirely? Any advice or insight would be appreciated.
He caught feelings for you. Seems pretty straight forward. Enjoying the companionship vs the intimacy.
Do you want a relationship with this guy?
Because reading this post sounds like you still see him as a FWB, where he sees you as a girl he can have a future with.
Are either of you dating/hookup with others?
I dont think it’s pressure i think he’s startin gto view this as a relationship and in relationships sometimes sex goes down. It’s not strictly about sexual relief anymore for him.
If you do not want a relationship with this guy, you need to end it. He caught feelings.
If you do want one, then have a chat, say that you like where it’s headed but are still hopin gthat you guys can have sex like usual.
I would like a relationship, but not when the sex decreases like this.
ok, you have your answer. Communicate that, just know sex will decrease as the relationship grows older.
Once you learn each others’ bodies and have tire dmultiple moves, you slowly go back to the basics and then slowly just dont do it as much. But if you feel like it’s still early for that, or arent gettin gthe amount you want, say it.
Sex does not have to decrease. It commonly does, but not always. I am speaking from my own personal experience.
I would suggest you make the following statement: if fwb is over. I need more dick! Depending on his response and or reaction you will know
**++man** When dynamics shift from casual to serious, the sexual energy can change too. Casual often runs on novelty and adrenaline, serious runs on safety and attachment. Sometimes that shift brings performance pressure or emotional vulnerability that affects libido. It might be less about attraction and more about the relationship evolving. I’d be curious what’s going on in his head rather than assuming something’s wrong.
This. The excitement level has gone down. Are you comfortable asking him about the change? It would seem that you really need to have an honest conversation with him before going further.
FWB situations evolving into relationships when both are ready. Are you ready?
Interesting that he doesn’t “want sex” – could it be that he doesn’t want to pressure you for sex? I was in a relationship where I pulled back on pressuring my gf and instead of her being appreciative and happier without the pressure, we just had less sex and broke up a month or so afterwards.
You’re right to question the falling asleep thing. Maybe offer oral or begin touching him earlier in the night? One thing that was always helpful in my past is having sex before a big night/wedding/etc. out. Waiting until the end of the night for the first time having sex that night can be too much.
So here’s my take – try having sex earlier in the night and when he’s “tired” just offer oral. My gf used to fall asleep and I’d wake her up for sex.
FWB turned more serious is no longer a FWB. Sounds like he has settled into his vision of a relationship.
Sounds like the new wore off of both y’all. It happens. Been married to my wonderful wife 18 years! But we’re no longer new to each other! Not saying we don’t desire each other. But these things just happen, even in these types of friendships, not just marriages. Sometimes you’re just not in the mood you think you are when you’re tired and have shit on your mind as far as the erection loss issue. Life happens.
“I also notice that I enjoyed the situation more before than I do now.”
Oh, man. That poor guy. He’s caught feelings but you have not. He’s going to get hurt. Be gentle.
Congrats, you’re in a normal problematic relationship now.
I mean, maybe the dudes sex drive isn’t that high. And it just seemed like it before bc you’d see him once or twice a week. Whereas it’s more often now.
Any chance your having the same amount of sex, but it just feels like less bc your together more frequently?