I (27F) have been seeing someone (31M) for a couple of years. In the beginning, it was casual and meant to be fun, and the first year was great. Over time, we both started developing feelings.
Then something happened in August, and he suddenly ignored me like I didn’t matter. We didn’t talk for a couple of weeks, and eventually I reached out. When we finally talked, we agreed that if we met again, it would only be a physical relationship and nothing emotional. He agreed to that.
We ended up meeting in October for a few days. During that time, I was feeling really low because of my living situation, and I was also scared. I knew I wanted more from him, but I also knew he has a pattern of leaving women, and I was terrified I’d be next. Because of all those feelings, I acted really cold and distant toward him during the last couple of days.
After he left, we didn’t talk again because I was the one who said we should stop seeing each other.
Later, I felt awful about how I acted, so I reached back out and apologized. He accepted it, and I’m honestly glad we cleared the air.
But here’s the part that hurts the most: **I think I am madly in love with this man.**
And now I’m stuck.
**How do you move on from someone you cared about so much, even if the situation wasn’t healthy and you knew it wasn’t going to work?**
Since I met him, I haven’t had any desire to see anyone else. Even though we weren’t in an actual relationship, it still feels wrong to think about being with someone else.
I’m not looking for hate — just advice on how to actually let go.
Distance and time. When it gets to be overwhelming, distract yourself with family, friends, hobbies, and other interests that keep you busy. After long enough, you’ll be more open to meeting someone new who can help you to let go of what remains. Other than this, I don’t think there’s an easy way to let go.
Yes time and distance and focusing on other things such as work hobbies excercise. Things will remind you of him but reminding yourself that focusing on yourself is very healthy.
Let this be a lesson that the next one, you’re looking for a real relationship, not a situationship. It doesn’t take much to know that this guy you’re talking about must be super hot or very good in bed cause he gave absolutely nothing in return other than sex.
The danger is not think that is your weight class. You rented a Ferrari, don’t go around thinking you can own one. This is for your own good and happiness on finding someone who truly loves you for you.
I was with my ex-wife and built an entire life with her for over 18 years. I raised her daughter with her.
She was my best friend and the love of my life.
Unfortunately, she was an alcoholic, a cocaine abuser, a gambling addict .
She became erratic. She was cheating on me and lying. She was bankrupting us. She caused other house to go into foreclosure.
I basically had to pack my bags and leave because she had no interest whatsoever in getting sober . She had a long list of complaints about me and she was sleeping with other men.
It was the absolute most heart, wrenching, and painful thing I’ve ever had to deal with, and I cried and cried for so long..
I went to therapy. I went to Al-Anon support groups. . I went back to college and got a degree and got a better paying career. I focused on hobbies and learn to play guitar. I took yoga classes and martial arts classes.
I tried not to start dating anyone for at least two years after getting the divorce, but I did hook up with a few beautiful women here and there .
I can say that I am over my ex-wife . Took a while.
But yeah. Sometimes we crave for people who are very toxic. It has to do with a codependency thing.
You go full no contact. If not, you just keep ripping the band aid off and never letting the wound heal. Once you have healed, then you can reach out to him for whatever reason, but I wouldn’t even do it then.
Anyway, this is another great example of why FWB’s or similar arrangements are fundamentally bad for our society. “But, but I only see sex as a physical thing and nothing more!” Oxytocin exist. It’s a bonding hormone. It very much is active during sex, and orgasm with another person. If you only have sex within genuine, loving, caring, and healthy relationships, with someone you trust, then you avoid a lot of unnecessary problems in life. (And no, I’m not religious or “believe” in “waiting till marriage”.)
Couldn’t agree more. I fell down that mindset of “sex is just sex” but every time I did, attachments would come up on my side or theirs. And then it would be a problem.
Took me many, MANY mistakes of doing this to finally just admit that sex is not just sex, and to truly respect it and do it with the right person, in the right situations, with the right attitude. We all wish sex was just sex because it feels amazing, you feel loved, cared for, happy, and a sense of well-being in the after-glow, but try as you might, you can’t stop the oxytocin from happening.
Women feeling heartbroken for relationships that never even began is truly a sad and absurd pandemic of modern times.
Don’t fuck guys that haven’t shown you that they really want you. Don’t fuck guys hoping they will fall in love. Stop fucking guys that aren’t in a romantic relationship with you.
That’s playing with fire, and lots of women are being burnt nowadays.
Did this guy ever took you on an actual romantic date at least ?
You sound like you have a fearful-avoidant attachment style (also called Disorganized). Nothing to be ashamed of, just something to know. This woman has good YouTube videos about it. If there’s a rabbit-hole to go down, try this one.
[https://youtu.be/5jk7PAa8D1o?si=2W3nyeBjrIQxXbL5](https://youtu.be/5jk7PAa8D1o?si=2W3nyeBjrIQxXbL5)
One of my favorite things she said about it is this: “A fearful avoidant is the one attachment style that will end a relationship while they are still in love with the person.” Sounds exactly like what you just said.
First -you’re infatuated not in love
Second- look up Crappy Childhood Fairy on youtube and watch her videos on Limerence
I just think about the gonorrhea they gave me. Works every.
You are afraid to make a decision, but you have to. You have been in somekind of situationship for long enough, so if he doesn’t want to commit then you need to move on. It is hard, but if there is no future with him then you have to move on, the longer you delay it the more you are gonna suffer.
Sounds like the gold digger is about to be homeless