We are 34M and 33 F childless but have a dog. Husband and I recently got into a fight and like always the number 1 reason for us to get into fights is his gaming habits.
To preface this he has reduced his gaming from 4 days a week to about 2 days a week (atleast 2 hours everyday). I lost it on Saturday because he was gaming from 10:30 am to 2:30 pm on the last Saturday of our Christmas break and then took a nap till 5 pm. It was a beautiful day out in the middle of a rainy week and I was hoping to spend some time together.
We are still not speaking to each other he says I should get some friends. I believe I have a healthy group of friends mostly common with my husband but I have individual meaningful relationships with all of them. I also have my separate set of girlfriends but we meet about once a month and most of the time hangout with our common friends.
Husbands argument is gaming is his hobby and he should be able to spend time on his hobby. My argument is it should not be on a Saturday (he plays every Saturday morning to afternoon) as Saturday’s should be our family time and Sundays is when you prep for the week and not generally go out so he should move his gaming day to Sunday or late at night when we are home or I am sleeping.
He refuses to see my point and is being very stubborn we have been together 9 years married for 4 years and our no 1 reason of getting into fights is his gaming.
Other issues I constantly have with him is he is lazy won’t do his share of household chores unless I remind him to even though he is assigned to do it since the beginning of our relationship l. He wont plan dates and hates driving when I ask him to take me out for dinner to the city but does not seem to mind it when friends are coming along.
Other than that he is a supportive partner, has a kind heart and is solid. I have no doubt that he loves me and our dog to bits. We have built a solid life together and are aligned on life goals. In general I am more driven/hyper and he is a laid back chill guy. He rarely gets angry but as years are passing he is getting stubborn.
TDLR – My husband thinks I am being unreasonable about my expectations about his gaming habits and he should get personal time to pursue his hobbies.
Can just find someone else on the same page as you with regards to the topic at hand. I know easier said than done but this ain’t changing. Might wanna speak to a family law attorney licensed to practice in your area to see what your options are. This isn’t a fix it thingy. Best of luck 👍
I totally get where both of you are coming from it’s hard when hobbies start clashing with relationship time. It sounds like he’s made some progress by reducing his gaming, but I completely understand wanting quality time together on weekends, especially when you had expectations for the day. Have you tried a calm, non-argument conversation where you both list your priorities for weekend time and come up with a compromise that works for both of you? Maybe it’s about finding a balance where he still gets his hobby time without it feeling like it’s taking away from your connection. It’s all about teamwork and compromise, especially after 9 years! You’ve got this.
Other than the part where he makes me do all household chores, refuses to plan dates with me, and had blocked out every Saturday for his own solo activity he’s great.
It’s been years. There’s no magical way you can say it differently. He hears you, he understands you, he just doesn’t fucking care to change.
This is purely a he doesn’t want to change and not a he doesn’t understand the words that are coming out of your mouth. (It’s never them not understanding, it’s always not caring.)
You can attempt marriage counseling and dropping you end of the rope (like not doing his laundry, not cooking for him, only doing things for you), but it’s likely going to come down to accept him as he is or leave.
I think the issue here is he’s not hearing you out. You are asking for him to spend time with you on the weekends, and he sees it as you taking his hobby time. It might be beneficial for you to do something else during his gaming time (like hanging out with friends or another hobby) and then he can compromise by doing what you want on another day. But to me it sounds like he needs a day to himself and he is not very good at communicating that to you, or you’re not hearing him. If you feel Sunday is a reset day, you can’t just assume it’s also a reset day for him. Maybe he doesn’t want to do that stuff on Sundays, idk.
The other issue is if he’s not pulling his weight around the house. Then it becomes less of a hobby issue and more of an unequal partnership issue. That is another thing you need to think about and address if it’s a problem. This to me reads as you guys are not getting your needs met for one reason or another and need to work together to compromise.
I think gaming is his hobby and he cut it down a significant amount of time! Does he work during the week? Is Saturday’s his days off? Maybe that’s his day to have his fun then reset Sunday. Maybe yall can alternate weekends or since he sleep till 5, opt for going to dinner. Do you mind driving? It might seem like a hassle at first but tell him what you expect in a loving way. Any time you’re having a serious conversation where you’re asking them to fix something always follow up with something uplifting/ something they do that you admire. Dates are understandable, try to find a time where you both are free maybe it can be on a Sunday, while he is gaming you can prep for the week. Go out Sunday. What games are he into? Have you tried to see why he likes gaming? Do you have an at home hobby? There are so many games out there, you might like one and can play them together