as the title explains yeah my long distance gf says i make her feel insecure.
for context, i met this girl 4 months ago when i was back in my country she’s nice and very considerate of my feelings or so i think, after i got done with vaca and returned to the country i take education in we decided that we would do long distance. at first it was alright and we were both happy, despite having a 6hr difference i made the effort to stay awake till 3 and 4 in the morning to just keep the conversation going and doing everything to make it work.
i write her letters every single month to express how much i love her and small poetry i wrote. we’ve had trouble before and every single time I’ve begged her to communicate and we solved ot barely, she has extreme period cramps and whenever she does have them she becomes insanely avoidant or mean and she knows this and apologizes for it. she’s said things that hurt me even when she isn’t on her period most notable one being that she doesn’t see me as a man which she later said she took the joke too far. she’s been insecure about her friends and asked me if i would love her if she was fat, i saw that text and i was writing a whole ass paragraph explaining that i would i left it on read for 7 minutes and she said i wouldn’t and i had to spend the next 1 hr trying to explain that i was just trying to express it in a bigger paragraph. this was in the fairly early stage of our relationship.
there was another time where i "cheated" on her in her dreams and she was so avoidant to the point where i was wondering if i did something which she then replied to saying "it just opened my eyes to what you could do and what was stopping you", i had to once again fight for it again explaining that’s in a dream and it’s not real.
so back to the matter at hand 3 weeks ago she updated her pfp i complemented her and she got defensive about it and said i wasn’t asking for your approval i told her that she shouldn’t need to ask for her bf to compliment her and she said yeah and apologized after that she sent me 2 pictures last week and i complemented her and smh she misunderstood everything and i had to explain that i didn’t mean what she thought for almost 3 hrs and after a long time she apologized and we were cool.
today, we called and we were talking and i was telling her that i don’t have a picture of her without a filter like a normal photo and she cut the call and just told me im disgusting and now she’s saying stuff like "im sorry for not being pretty enough for you" what do you propose i should do to fix this situation? i don’t want to leave because I really do love her but i feel like giving up so much.
How old are both of you? I ask because she sounds like she is quite immature. I would not date a woman who treated me like that.
Change to short-distance girlfriend
Long-distance relationships are, for the most part, hopeless and destined to fail.
The reason is that there is no substitute for looking into someone else’s eyes and determining whether the two of you are compatible with one another.
Anything short of that is simply too ambiguous and uncertain, and communicating with groupings of red, blue, and green electrons that are displayed on a computer monitor merely adds to the confusion.
Find a new gf thats closer
Ask her the name of the guy that makes her feel secure and how long have they been seeing each other behind your back
The guy could easily be named Chronic Anxiety and he could have been following her around for years.
Plenty of people fuck up their relationships without outside help. Nothing here leads me to believe cheating over other hypotheses like general anxiety or just overall immaturity.
Good grief.
Just ask yourself what this relationship is adding to your life. You’re long distance and you’re just walking on eggshells constantly. This girl clearly has a ton of insecurities, and instead of working on her insecurities, she’s using you as a convenient scapegoat and someone to blame instead of accepting accountability.
You can’t “fix this”. This is a her problem that she has to be willing to work on. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t be supportive or empathetic, but that requires her to be acting in good faith – something she currently is not doing.
> there was another time where i “cheated” on her in her dreams and she was so avoidant to the point where i was wondering if i did something which she then replied to saying “it just opened my eyes to what you could do and what was stopping you”, i had to once again fight for it again explaining that’s in a dream and it’s not real.
She’s okay with making you feel bad for something you did in her subconscious. Time to bail.
i don’t mind offering reassurance but I can’t help but feel like she’s just going to keep doing the same thing and this is becoming a cycle
YUP!!
It’s never ending.
Ask for an unfiltered picture and this becomes I’m not pretty enough for you.
This behaviour will not change. It’s gas lighting. She’s bored, even a situation is better than her boredom. She’s playing.
And very childish.
Stop indulging these games, if it persists, pull back from the flame, not get closer.
Don’t treat her as someone you have to have an opinion about, or if you have an opinion keep it to yourself unless she asks.
> what do you propose i should do to fix this situation?
Break up and date a normal person.
im not even interested in dating nor have i ever been and that’s why im trying to salvage this relationship because she’s the only one that has made me feel like i love a person and i want to make it work