I absolutely hate how my gf and I resolve conflict
Whenever there is conflict the same cycle happens
She gets triggered / upset
Then will lash out at me.
"Everything is your fault"
" you treat me badly"
"You’re a narcissist "
"You’re mean "
"You’re stupid"
This causes me to feel hurt /withdraw
Then when things settle she will send me massive paragraphs about how she feels.
Now I don’t mean to dismiss her but I genuinely can’t br bothered responding
Because I need to respond well or she gets even more upset at my "shitty responses"
I feel like a therapist
Her way of dealing with conflict is her just dumping everything she feels and me trying to sooth her and fix things
And the funny part is she always says she does the "emotionally heavy lifting"
Yet it’s me doing all the mental work
-validating her
– soothing her
– responding to her massive messages
– working out solutions so we dotn have conflcif
She thinks she does work by just dumping how she feels
How can she not get this?
Are you happy? Does she add anything to your life? If not don’t be a burden to each other.
This is fantastic advice. Short and simple while being universally applicable.
What is so good about this relationship that it is worth verbal abuse and you being treated as the cause of her problems?
whatever the good thing is he can probably find it with someone else without the verbal abuse..
Probably, but that’s not the point of my message.
What you do next is secondary. Realizing that the situation is not worth it comes first.
Bail, what more do you need to endure?
My ex was more or less like this. She ended up leaving me because I “didn’t love her enough”.
Yeah, my relationship ended a month ago for the same reason. It just escalates no matter what you do. I dealt with it for 6 years, it’s not worth it. Run OP
This kind of stuff never gets better, only gets worse. She must be fine for you to put up with this.
You are learning a classic case of ‘projection’.
She calls you a narcissist, yet is completely ignorant of the fact that she believes her own feelings take priority regardless of how you feel.
She says everything is your fault, but has she ever shut up for 2 seconds to think about her part in whatever issue is being faced?
She calls you ‘mean’ but then also calls you stupid…
Need I say more?
This ‘woman’ (brat/princess/little girl) is a drama queen, and will never be happy unless she is surrounded by chaos, as she will never be able to have the maturity to quell the REAL chaos, which is inside her head.
If you are feeling drained and low now, remember, it ain’t going to get better. You are disrespected now, it won’t get better.
There are much better things in life to spend your time on.
i agree, from what he said shes the one doing all the things shes accusing him of (not treating him well, being mean and acting like a narcissist..)
This is not a good relationship. This is a toxic relationship. I had a friend like that (ok….so not a bf/gf) but man, it was draining and exhausting. She would write frickin’ essays about why was feeling what she was feeling, sending me YT videos that were 45 MINUTES LONG…. and some longer, about self help and how to eradicate negativity in your life …… blah, blah, blah. OMG….. I cut her off and out of my life. I couldn’t handle it.
I know you may not want to hear this, but I am not sure if she is the right one for you. She sounds mentally exhausting. And she is causing this distress to you. Which is detrimental to YOU. Now YOUR mental health is suffering.
i think its a canon event for women to have a friend like this at some point xD you make the mistake of going along with a person like that once and then never again. i dont have any empathy for people that act like OP’s gf anymore
This sounds like my soon to be ex. We have three kids, 15 years together. She has been sending walls of text to me for years. It’s tough