Currently behind in life romantically, career wise, physically, mentally. I am trying what I can to fix it but everyone I know just tells me I am done for. I’d love to hear from people who came back for real.
I’m a 29M who feels behind in multiple ways at once. I’ve never dated or had sex, and dating apps have never worked for me. I want connection, intimacy, a relationship and it’s been hard watching that part of life pass me by while others seem to move on effortlessly.
Career-wise, I burned out hard at a job that wrecked my mental health. I moved back home to reset, which I’m grateful for, but I *crave* independence and can’t wait to move out again and stand on my own two feet. Being back home has helped me survive, but it’s also bruised my sense of self. **Also not just laying around I am actively applying hard its just hard to get a job right now**
**Physically, I’m 5’6”, about 300 lbs. I’m not proud of where I’m at but I’m doing so**mething about it. I’m in therapy. I’m going to the gym. I’m working on my diet. I’m showing up even when motivation is low.
The problem is: when career, dating, independence, and body image all feel “behind,” it’s hard not to feel like you have no value even when you’re actively trying to change.
My friends and their wives/gfs tell me that I need to give up wanting sex, dating completely anyone who is struggling at almost 30 isn’t worthy of dating or marriage or a family. They told me I should be ashamed for still craving sex and dating having no job and future.
**Would love to hear any rock bottom to success stories.**
I think you really need to lose weight first of all. 300 pounds at 5’6 sounds very debilitating. Get on Ozempic if you’re too much of a lazy fuck. It’ll help you get some confidence in you to start making other changes. Step by step, but this is definitely the first step imo.
Take it from a former chubby guy. You simply feel better existing. And you’ll notice people treat you better. That’s life.
I started at 380. My first 80lb loss was from diabetes being out of control and my body eating itself. I don’t recommend it. Once i got that under control i started the carnivore/keto diet and am down another 40lb. Feel great and starting to get off my meds. Now im working out 3 time a week to see how much i can tighten up but I’ll probably need surgery on the long run to get rid of excess skin. I look at that as a good problem to have.
Good for you man, that’s a huge accomplishment. I’m sure you notice a huge difference in how you feel when you wake up now vs then. Keep it up!
I don’t think you should be ashamed, it’s just kind of the cart before the horse (for now.)
You *should* be seeking joy where you find it along your somewhat delayed journey in life. There is no timer running.
Find joy, for now, in little accomplishments. Whatever is a success today is worth noting.
Maybe you walk a little. Maybe the air was crisp, or you spotted a bird, or a car, or whatever was fun to see that you wouldn’t have if you hadn’t literal put one foot in front of the other.
Make something or fix something. Something to give yourself a little win.
Do it again.
Reinforce getting some wins.
>behind in life
Life keeps going, even if you don’t
>300 lbs
One battle at a time. Tackle this, and you’ll feel a sense of control. That’ll give you a feeling of *confidence*.
A safe amount of weight to lose is upwards 1% of bodyweight a week. For most people, that’s ½ to 2 lbs/w. Could you redline -3 lbs/w initially? Maybe – but you’ll feel like feces.
What’ll be easier mentally is a *two year plan*. -1 lb/w for two years will be just over 100 lbs, entirely doable. Whatever your nutrition plan is, it has to be sustainable.
– weigh daily
– take a weekly average
– adjust as needed
You got this.
Well, if you want financial independence nothing beats good old manual labor jobs. I’m in the mining industry in Nevada and there’s jobs a plenty. If you don’t mind grinding for a while just to stack some cash, there’s a lithium mine in butt fuck nowhere Nevada that pays over 200k/year for a starting out grunt and the more experienced guys are pulling in 300k. You work like 6 days a week though, so a social life isn’t in the cards, but you can stack some cash in 2-3 years and get back on track. Lithium America is the company and Thacker Pass Mine is the place. They’re always hiring because the turnover rate is high, obviously. The work isn’t that hard, but the hours and schedule is brutal. You could work there for a year or two and transfer to a gold mine in the area where you get a ton of days off (Drop in pay to around 130k/year for a newbie). Reno is just a two hour drive away. Nice little town in Nevada called Winnemucca. 401k and benefits are really good as well.
You’re going to get a lot of good advice, and definitely try a GLP-1 if you can. Get a new job ASAP, and get back into making good money.
But most importantly your friends are awful. A second act after 30 is easily possible. I ended a marriage, had to totally reset life, went through hell, and met my perfect partner and it’s as if I have a totally different life… all in my 40’s. You can absolutely get in great shape, get back into work, and meet the woman you want to spend the second half of your life with after 30. And when you do that, make new friends! Yours are wrong.
I am not just laying in bed I am actiely applying its just been hard.
Your friends suck! My life changed dramatically when I had real support and having constant discouragement absolutely made life feel impossible.
I’m not going to go into my full sob story but when I was 31 I was in a horrible place. Trying to get divorced from an abusive man who drained my bank account, ran up my credit cards and sold my business while I was in the hospital with a traumatic brain injury and subsequent Lyme disease. I found myself trying to take care of my 2 kids while barely being able to string a sentence together. I had to move back in with my parents… thank god I had a place to go but I had a ROUGH childhood. I can’t tell you how totally broken I was. What made it worse was having unsupportive parents.. and a vindictive ex. My parents were supportive financially and I credit them with saving my life, but emotionally and mentally it was hell. What REALLY saved me was finding a support group with people who were going through similar challenges. I saw them laughing and happy. They lifted me up when I was at my worst and loved me where I was at. They gave me hope. Good friends saved me. Now I’m in my early 40’s, remarried to an amazing man. We have a 6 year old girl. My brain injury is mostly better aside from some bad migraines… I’m doing okay financially. I’m happy. My kids are thriving. I got there slowly by taking a lot of baby steps. Hang in there. There are a lot of people in the same boat as you.
You’re not broken, you’re in recovery. Plenty of people don’t find their footing until their 30s, and the ones who do rarely talk about the messy middle. Keep going effort compounds, even when progress feels invisible.