Hey Reddit, this is an update to a previous post I made, [[link here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/iGFWXjnX9F)], but the tl;dr is I’m in a college filmmaking class and need to make a short film with two other people from class. We’re not allowed to be the actors, so we put up some posters around campus. We got some responses, but nothing about when the people interested were available. I sent an email to my group mates as well as the interested actors pretty much demanding they send when they were available, and if they didn’t I would find other actors. One of my group mates, Nina, received this poorly and blew up at me. That’s pretty much where my last post leaves off.
For a while, my last post seemed split between asshole or not, but I understand that the harsh wording I used in the email asking for actor availability makes me an asshole. When I made that post, I was aware of my asshole nature, but I wanted an unbiased third party perspective to judge me. Especially when both my parents and actors I got who saw that email were on my side. As someone who sometimes thinks they’re a bad person, I’ve been known to be scary when I’m angry (which is rare) and say things that turn people away, so I’m not surprised at the verdict.
The reason I’m making this update is after the main argument, Nina went and altered my script. She didn’t say anything before doing it, and cut out parts to try and shorten it, but in doing so made some of the plot beats confusing. When I found out and confronted her, she directly said “you could’ve consulted before altering my storyline” and that she’s “trying to steer the storyline in the right direction”, which I was put off by. This argument ended when she completely backed out of the project, leaving Joey, my other group mate, and I to do this project ourselves. This happened Nov. 22nd, when we had plans to film on Nov. 24th. After class that day, the professor pulled my group aside after class to figure out what was going on. I shared my side of the story, expressing even though I was an asshole, I was trying to bite my tongue, apologize, and work with Nina again. I got the vibe and felt like the professor was sympathetic more towards me over Nina, because I was still trying to work as a group even though I fully admitted to messing up with the email and just wanted to get the project done. After saying I was still willing to work together, Nina said “I’m not”, which really put me off.
At this point, the issue has been unsatisfactorily resolved. Joey and I are doing the project, and Nina is doing something else on her own. Because of how the project was developed, Joey and I are doing the idea all three of us originally came up with, and Nina has to come up with something new on her own. Joey and I are going to try and film everything on Wednesday so we can start editing, since it’s due Dec. 10th.
You really owned your part and still tried to keep the group together. Nina choosing to bail instead of collaborate says more about her than about you. At least now you and Joey can finish the project without the drama dragging you down.
Sounds like you learned from the first round, owned your part, and still showed up ready to collaborate while she doubled down on the drama. That’s growth, not guilt. Nina rewriting your script behind your back then bailing when asked to be a teammate wasn’t righteous, it was reactive. You two weren’t a good match creatively, but you handled the fallout with a lot more grace than she did. Keep the project moving, keep your tone steady, and let your professor see the difference between someone who messed up once and someone who refuses to work with anyone.
While your initial email was curt, I don’t think you were in the wrong. I would have run it by my group mates before sending but you DID need to lay down the law with your actors since you have a very restrictive timeframe.
Nina sounds like a pain in the ass and things should run more smoothly without her. You did your best to try and collaborate, compromise, and get the assignment done, even if you made a misstep in that process. Nina, however, was just selfish. She was too bothered by her own hurt to care about the project.
Wishing you and Joey good luck on filming.
Ok, so you learned something very valuable. Critical even if your desire is to go into work that requires a skilled team.
Most team driven projects, like film, require cohesive team work across multiple skills sets and differing priorities inherent to that specific skill. It also requires flexibility and consensus on how it can ultimately all pull together. You can drag each other all to the finish line, or you can support each other to the finish line – or not get there at all! It’s a choice.
Magic can happen when everyone gets the environment they need for creativity and productivity. It’s easier said than done when everyone has personal needs. The key is to develop consensus on how that will work, preferably upfront. Unfortunately as a team you didn’t appear to make space for this to happen and specifically both you and Nina breached expectations. You by sending the email that breached the working environment that Nina felt comfortable working within (example: Unprofessional), and Nina by changing your script without consultation.
This is actually not a disaster. It is a key learning experience that is beyond valuable if you ever have aspersions to work on team projects in the future. It really doesn’t matter who was the most “in the wrong” here. What matters is recognising the need to reduce team fracture in the future outside learning environments. People can be difficult, have different priorities, different needs, different personalities, different budgets, prefer different time schedules, and in some cases very different levels of interpersonal skills.
NTA – maximise this learning experience. Work it backwards and work out where things could have been done differently. Don’t waste it wondering who was the biggest AH or who was most at fault.